Surprising Things I Learned When I Got Cancer

I was diagnosed with breast cancer in June 2021…which I delusionally thought would never happen to me. My prognosis is good (my mammogram was all-clear last week but it's hard not to worry). I learned a lot through my ordeal that may benefit you whether you are going through your own cancer scare or love someone who is.

1) My "bad things can't happen to me" delusion couldn't compete with reality. And my "ignore it and it will go away" mantra was also not helpful. I should have gotten a mammogram earlier to avoid two rounds of chemotherapy in addition to surgery and radiation.

2) Many things that terrified me prior to diagnosis weren't as bad as I feared. Radiation treatments and chemo infusions didn't hurt much (radiation reminded me of being on a tanning bed (including the resulting sunburn) and chemo infusions are like going on a long, boring plane ride, but with snacks, heated blankets, a recliner, and cable TV). That being said, the side effects can be hard (more on that later). Even surgery wasn't that bad for me but that may be different for every type of surgery, cancer diagnosis, and person.

3) I didn't lose all my hair from chemo but I lost enough to be self-conscious. I thought I would wear my wig all the time but ended up mostly rocking a baseball cap for the six months that it took for my hair to grow back after my first round of chemotherapy ended. I wish I had been pickier about my wig. It never felt right. If I had it to do over again (and Lord, help me. I don't want to do it again), I would pick something that looked better and was more fun than my real hair.

4) Unlike on TV shows, where cancer is cured by the end of the episode, cancer treatments seem to go on forever with dozens of tests, treatments, and appointments. I still have one more chemo infusion to go to keep cancer away ... 17 months after the initial diagnosis.

5) I thought chemo would mostly make me throw up but I rarely did. Instead, I encountered a pu pu platter of side effects from leave-your-cart-in-the-middle-of-Walmart- and RUN diarrhea, to paper-thin, discolored fingernails and toenails, to Psycho-level nose bleeds, and the worst muscle cramps ever. But with every side effect, my oncologist made adjustments and things got better until the next chemo infusion ... when I encountered totally different side effects.

6) So many friends came out of the woodwork to wish me well, send me cards, etc., even though I didn't tell many people about my diagnosis. Surprisingly, I learned that many people had gone through their own cancer scare and were very willing to share their wisdom.

7) Many people don't know how to help or the word cancer scares them ... and I found that was OK by me. The word cancer scares me too! And as far as not knowing how to help people with cancer, I found that cards, phone calls, a meal drop, someone to laugh with, a shoulder to cry on, or even some Chapstick or dry-mouth spray were much appreciated!

8) It's hard to be brave all the time and that's true whether you're the one who is sick or are the one worrying about someone who is. I was so relieved when people forgave me when I was not being my best self.

9) Because people don't know how long treatments go on (and because sometimes people are scared to reach out), most of the well-wishes dry up before you are totally well. That's not to discount all those who were there for me ... I am so thankful! But those who stuck with me throughout the long haul are golden like my sweet sister, Becky, who brought me food and goodies even though we had to talk in the front yard due to the pandemic and me being immunocompromised. And God love my friend, KP in KC, who sends me a weekly card to cheer me on. And then there is my friend, Caren, who shot new headshot photos of me even though I was puffy-eyed and chemo speckled -- thank goodness she can do wonders with Photoshop!

10) I thought I would broadcast my diagnosis far and wide since I am such an open person but I ended up being much quieter about it. I don't know why I responded that way ... I didn't know if people would treat me differently, or that I would overpromise clients excellent service and under-deliver when I didn't feel well, but those fears were unfounded.

11) I always had this idea that people with cancer feel awful all the time (and that could be true for people with more advanced or complex cases) but most days, I feel fine and am not in nearly as much pain as my friend, Fred, who has a non-lethal, but much more painful ailment. That being said, some days are hard like when my darn nose won't stop bleeding or when I am too tired to get out of bed.

12) I thought insurance company case managers were assigned to you to discourage you from getting care to keep costs down but my case manager identifies worrisome side effects that I might ignore and is (nicely) on my tail until I get them addressed.

13) And speaking of costs, cancer treatment is EXTREMELY expensive ... my first chemo infusion (basically a bag of liquid that looks suspiciously like water, plus the nurses to administer it) cost $100,000 before insurance kicked in! I am so glad that the Affordable Care Act is available to the self-employed like me even though I had pre-existing conditions. If you are debating about whether to get insurance coverage, please don't take a chance because the bills could break you. I also learned that hospitals can split up billing without charging you interest. This can be a godsend because your share of the costs for one chemo treatment could add up to your total insurance out-of-pocket expense for the whole year!

14) Even after all that has happened in my cancer journey, I still delusionally think worse things can't happen to me. But instead of procrastinating and allowing bad things to happen, I vow to be proactive about my health ... but saying that and doing that are two separate things. I need to follow through.

15) I am so blessed ... more blessed than I even realized before my diagnosis. I now know that loved ones and friends will be there for me and that it's OK to ask for help. But it's also all right to do all that I can by myself. I was happy to learn that my family thought I rocked patchy baldness and loved that my new hair came in more silver. I like it too. It suits me. I’ve learned that most healthcare professionals are nice and caring (OK, some can be abrupt. but even that can be entertaining). And I’ve learned that if I have to go through all this again, or worse, I now know that the treatment process is more tedious than terrifying.

If you or a loved one is going through cancer, please know that it's not always a death sentence to dread but something that you just have to go through so that you can get back to your full life ... a little wiser and more thankful for each day on this side of the dirt.?

Feel free to reach out to me with comments -- especially if you are going through your own health challenges or want to relay surprising things you learned while you or a loved one were sick. -- Kathy

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