The Surprising Benefits of Being Alone

“Our society is much more interested in information than wonder, in noise rather than silence. And I feel that we need a lot more wonder and a lot more silence in our lives.”

– Fred Rogers

We often use the word loneliness and being alone interchangeably. We are social animals. We love to be in a tribe, in a community. This socialising factor is one of the survival signals. We tend to be safe in a tribe. This is evident from the thousand years of human history.

But now, we are in a world of abundance. Practically speaking, we don’t have the threat of giant predators; we don’t need to go miles to gather food and fruits. Of course, there are problems like accidents, terrorism, global warfare, pandemic and others, but the overall impact of those on most of us is not so much. We are not in a surviving mode.

Macroeconomic, socio-economical, or geo-political problems disrupt normalcy. I am not discussing that today.

Most of our problems in life are self-inflicted due to expectation, comparison or peer pressure and uninhibited greed or addiction. Whatever the situation, be it in the stone age or now in the technologically advanced age, we always want to accompany others. So whenever there is a separation, we react differently. We fear being alone. We cannot control the death of our loved ones; there always be a void. Apart from that, any divorce or separation of close friends, neighbours or relatives, or colleagues would impart some change, some unexplained experiences we try to avoid. This is the loneliness part, depression and pessimistic emotions.

This loneliness is entirely different from being alone. It is a choice. It is not at all a negative emotion. You can choose it irrespective of anything. The modern-day is polluted with always connecting with others, more specifically in social media. Over-connecting with all via social media and other means is a normal phenomenon. The continuous buzzing of the network, pings and notifications hardly let anyone be alone. We forget the benefits of this aloneness, the positive solitude.

“Blessed are those who do not fear solitude, who are not afraid of their own company, who are not always desperately looking for something to do, something to amuse themselves with, something to judge.”

~ Paulo Coelho

To understand the benefits of solitude, I would like to divide the whole discussion into three parts:

1. The obstacles

2. The journey from the crowd to the solitude

3. The benefits

“How can you hear your soul if everyone is talking?”

― Mary Doria Russell, Children of God

1.?The obstacles:

We, as humans, socialised animals, always want feedback. Be it honest in-person actual or in the form of likes and comments on Facebook or other social media. We feel significant from positive feedback; at the same time, negative feedback will depress us or teach us how to improve. So, when there is no feedback or no one to talk to or discuss, we get irritated or anxious. A 2015 study showed that people would rather be electrically shocked than left alone with their thoughts. So we are hard-wired to do something rather than thinking only.

This behavioural attitude has been utilised in developing different addictive games. This is a?ludic loop?phenomenon.

A ludic loop is a gameplay mechanic that keeps players engaged by giving a sense of accomplishment or progression. It typically involves repeating a particular activity or action to unlock rewards or advance to new levels or challenges. Some common examples of ludic loops include levelling up a character, unlocking new items or abilities, and completing quests or missions.

So we are drawn into these loops repeatedly, and later it is challenging to get out of them.

The constant networking and connecting with many different things make us FOMO (fear of missing out) if we detach ourselves from those. This compulsive behaviour makes us masters of distraction. How can we focus if we only practice distraction day in and day out?

2.?The journey from the crowd to the solitude

Mentally and physically, we are always in a crowded places. From the time we wake up to the time we go to sleep, apart from the overcrowded places we visit daily, the thoughts are primarily overwhelming. The to-do list, the planning, the meeting in the office, the grocery, finances, children and many things are constantly peeping into our minds. We are roaming around in different mental routes, even in our resting time.

The overall sympathetic activity is increased in today’s world. This raises chronic stress and ultimately land up to chronic diseases. In this busy world, we always have a choice to visit the solitude place, the sacred mental space to find ourselves and many other valuable things.

What is the most crucial factor to start with??-Awareness. We must be aware that we must stop doing the same things to avoid the same results. You need to feel the gap. It would be best if you took a pause. Think and rethink yourself and your surroundings. Do you need the cravings for feedback all the time? Do you want to be connected to the so-called social media and another bunch of apps and notifications? Do you want to lose your precious time mindlessly over the games you play? Should we constantly check our e-mail and WhatsApp before waking up?

Changes: these are the different things you can try. This is not an exhaustive list. It is helpful for me to start.

·?Wake up early?— this will increase your quality time. If you can start your day when most of the world is asleep, you have a calm environment, a clearer mind and extra hours to enjoy yourself. Even you can enjoy the sunrise. Think about the last time you observe the beauty of the rising sun from your home.

·?Meditation and mindfulness practices?are the next crucial medium to spend time with yourself. This does not need to be complicated. Even you can try a self-reflection time of 5–10 minutes. Concentrate on a trivial thing or breathing. Whenever there is a drift of thoughts, realign your concentration without judging. If anything important pops into your mind- note it down. Our brain is not supposed to hold all these things. Writing down the essential things will serve two purposes. One, you will do it later, and the next, there will be space in your brain to do more complicated or creative tasks.

·?Writing a journal, affirmations, and daily stories?will help you understand yourself. This is a great practice. It is about something other than the daily chores or to-do list. It may incorporate them. But the whole idea is to go inside out of your mind.

·?Take a break?for a minimum of 5 minutes every one or one and a half hours to realign your physiology, focus and language at that time. I am using the “Blip blip” app and setting the timer for 60 minutes. You can find any other suitable ones. The idea is to use the devices for our betterment.

Exploration:?Next step is exploration. You need to explore and experiment with the ways, the environment, the food etc., to achieve the benefits of being alone, your bliss in solitude.

“One can be instructed in society, one is inspired only in solitude.

— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe”

3. The benefits

The benefits are far more than understandable. Once you start following the practice of solitude, you will feel much change in thinking, handling a conflict, responding instead of reacting etc. Here I try to enumerate different positive outcomes associated with solitude:

· We can focus on our?needs and priorities. We can get rid of the?overwhelming thinking.

· This change in focus will be the gateway for more?productive and creative work.?You will find fresh ideas and solutions to complex problems or tasks. You can think outside of your usual thought pattern.

· Develop?empathy and mental strength. Observing others’ perspectives and ignorance is challenging whenever we conflict. We believe we are right. We can reimagine the situation in solitude with a calm mind and distant vigilance. We can detach ourselves from ourselves and analyse the problem from a neutral perspective. This will enhance empathy towards others.

· You can?rediscover yourself.?You become more?introspective.

· The solitude will help to create stronger bonds with your near ones.

“In the silence we listen to ourselves. Then we ask questions of ourselves. We describe ourselves, and in the quietude we may even hear the voice of God.”

– Maya Angelo, Even The Stars Look Lonesome.

Happy being alone; find your bliss in solitude.

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