Surprise things I learned last year that will change my 2023

Before I turned 50, I thought I’d seen and done a lot. Lived in eight different countries, run international marketing divisions, raised three children, raced at Daytona, been a synchronised swimming champ, founded a successful business with global clients. Then—wham. 2022 tested what I knew about myself.

One of my longest, most precious relationships changed forever. I won’t say ended, because we’ll always be in each other’s lives. But it’s different enough that I’m facing the world as a single mother. That’s hard, every day. It was also my first full year in business in Australia after more than two decades in Asia, and that was a huge learning curve.

Plus, of course, it was the first post-pandemic year we all had out of lockdowns in Melbourne, Australia. The strangest of times, when you find yourself loving the economic and social liberty of freedom but miss the simplicity of being close as a family, of being creative with time and energy and gratitude. I think a lot about how to have now what we had then—true connection.

So … last year has been about the good, the bad and the unspeakable. As a coach, therapist, mother and friend I learned a lot. And the number one thing 2022 taught me is this: that to keep moving forward in life we have to know who we are, where we belong, and what our story is.?

Think of the song This is Me from The Greatest Showman. Here I am. Not going to let them shoot me down. The message is inspiring and reminds me of a question I often ask clients: what would you be like if this obstacle wasn’t before you? We’re just treading water until we unpack our stories and understand we are the author of our lives. Past experiences shape us but don’t have to define us.

What else did I learn this year? The importance of my children. I consciously spent this Christmas just with them. Nobody else. They could have pancakes for breakfast and lunch if they wanted, yakitori for dinner. I ignored the trappings and trimmings and not doing things to show off to anybody. My aim was stripping back the celebration to what it’s about at its heart: love, humanity and hope. And fun! Not driving a million places after weeks of planning and stressing.

I learned to identify the simple things that bring me joy. Food is really vital. I’m careful with what I eat and drink because I know what happens to my body and mind when I’m not. Boundaries bring me joy: I said no to a recent Saturday night out because it felt too much like hard work and curled up on the sofa with a cup of tea and Knives Out Glass Onion on Netflix. I’ve started writing again with a view to writing a book.

I learned everybody is struggling in different ways, and it doesn’t matter who you are, nobody is immune to struggle. It’s called living, and the important thing is we give people the respect of seeing how they really are.

I learned you have to change it up, and that joy and fulfilment come from being creative with your own life. From doing the unexpected. For me, that means I’ve changed the way I dress and now rarely wear a suit—sneakers and elastic waists all the way! I heard something the other day which I’m fascinated by: when someone asks how you are, rather than saying ‘fine’ or ‘okay’, say, ‘I feel tingly all over’. It makes people stop, takes you off autopilot, they want to hear more, you get chatting on a different level.

I learned to be more conscious of who I spend time with, and savouring time I do spend with friends. I don’t do butterflies who flit in and out. Mine are not fair weather friends where you’re trying to fit in rather than feel like you belong. I have one friend who is particularly precious because she gives it to you straight: you have a lot more grey hairs, that dress is perfection, you look great, that colour doesn’t suit you. She’s not for everyone but she is for me!?

What did you learn this year? What do you want to learn in 2023? If you want to get real about who you are and what your life story is so you can keep moving forward, I have limited availability for private therapeutic coaching clients from February.?

Warning: I’m not for everyone but if you’re prepared to get comfortable with being uncomfortable and want a wingwoman, confidante and expert hands-on cheerleader, we could be a good fit.

#redefiningtherapy #positivepsychologycoaching #positivepsychology #authenticity #newbeginnings