Sureness of the Seas

It's a hot and humid evening in the Caribbean. The largest cruise ship ever built, the Sureness of the Seas, has anchored between Grand Cayman and Cancun to allow for a smooth year-end celebration. The magnificent 250,000-ton beast has 17 decks and can hold nearly 6,000 passengers in various themed areas. It has numerous dining options, a theater and cinema, several pools, spas, and fitness facilities, an ice rink, and a shopping center that dwarfs most dry land malls. As a family-friendly ship, it also provides shows, comedy acts, and nightclubs for both children and adults.

Axel, his sister Danna, and their parents Leonardo and Natalie are all on board. They took the New Year's cruise to get some well-deserved rest and to spend time together. They're at the gala, seated at their private table with a glass of champagne in hand. Axel, who's still underage, toasts with a glass of bubbly apple juice. Behind them is a lavish buffet of gourmet finger foods like lobster bisque, crabmeat stuffed mushrooms, and scallops wrapped in bacon. The colorful salad bar includes a bitter-sweet plate of roasted mushrooms and radicchio with a balsamic note, brussels sprouts with pickled shallots and hazelnuts, and roast eggplant with green tahini dressing. As for the main courses, there are pork chops with bourbon-molasses glaze and peppercorn-crusted steak filets with creamed spinach. And for those for which meat is not an option, a citrus-roasted salmon with horseradish-sour cream mashed potatoes is offered. Finally, in the dessert section, there's an assortment of freshly baked pecan and hazelnut tarts, chocolate coconut truffles, and cranberry pate de fruit, all of which are so delicious that waiters have had to replenish them several times.

"I'm completely unsure about which bachelor's degree I should pursue next year," Axel suddenly admits. "This is a major life decision, and I have no idea what to do. Although I enjoy astrophysics, I’d also like to become a chef. Rrgghh...the uncertainty is killing me!" he says, clutching his head with both hands as if it were about to explode.

"I hear you, bro," Danna says. "I'll finish my undergrad studies next year and need to figure out where I want to work. I'm completely lost and scared. It's not a decision I want to make lightly because I know that my first job could shape my career not only in the near future but most likely for the rest of my life. Just look at dad, he's been in the same place for more than three decades," she says, appalled.

"Well, I have some news for you all," Leonardo says, holding an unlit cigar in his hand. "I believe the time has come for me to make a career transition...that's a fancy way of saying I want to try something new. I've decided to join a non-profit organization because I want to have a more profound impact on people's lives. This means I'll have to start from scratch and learn a completely new set of skills. It also entails figuring out how to keep our family's finances from suffering. Let me tell you, doing this in my 50s is not easy. I'm feeling very insecure and worried about disappointing all of you and making a fool of myself in front of other people."

"If we're confessing our fear of the unknown, let me chip in," Natalie says with a perpetual smile on her face. "I plan to start a business next year. I have no idea what it will be about, how much money I will need to make it happen, or, even more importantly, whether it will be successful. All I know is that I need to feel self-sufficient and achieve new goals in my life. I'm so anxious about not knowing what's ahead that I can't even take the first step."

Every quest to try something new, to make something daring, to create something transformative begins with insecurity about the future. However, our brain is wired to crave certainty, not for convenience or comfort, but because it’s how we have survived as a species. The clash of our constant attempt to predict what will happen next, combined with a lack of information to do so, results in fear, but not just any kind of fear, potentially numbing terror. According to Nicholas Carleton, a psychology professor at the University of Regina in Canada, one of humanity's fundamental fears is the "unknown," perhaps even more so than the fear of death. Again, this is simply nature revealing itself. The brain has evolved to believe that erring on the side of caution is prudent, even if it means passing up an opportunity. Just imagine our forefathers in the savannah, uncertain whether a predator was lurking in the shadows; those who survived were not the ones who gambled. In today's world, we flee from failure and judgment because ridicule is as threatening to our brain's amygdala, the seat of fear and anxiety, as being eaten (fear is fear, no matter what).

According to Healthline, fear of the unknown is a major cause of physical and emotional ailments. Fast heart rate, shallow breathing, tense muscles, weakness, and blood glucose spikes are all side effects. We feel depleted because constantly attempting to alleviate our insecurity requires energy that our brain obtains at the expense of other parts of our body. As a result, we experience forgetfulness, difficulty focusing, mood swings, racing thoughts, and sleep disorders. Feeling as if we don't have enough information to make accurate predictions and thus control our circumstances can have a negative impact on our minds in a variety of ways, including the development of full-fledged phobias, anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and alcohol and substance abuse.

Even so, many people are able to overcome their uncertainty. They recognize that in the early stages of an endeavor, fear and anxiety are indicators that what we are doing is meaningful. They also know that when we do something that has never been done before or has the potential to change our lives, we are often met with criticism, not because we are wrong, naive, or stupid, but because others are concerned about their own inability to do the same. And they realize that, as Alain de Botton points out in The School of Life, the single most important step toward managing the fear that insecurity brings is accepting that it’s a reasonable and sensitive response to the genuine riskiness of existence.

People who successfully manage insecurity understand the importance of carefully crafting the story they tell themselves about what might happen in the future. Jonathan Fields points out in his book Uncertainty that one of the most common destructive storylines we tell ourselves and others is the "going to zero" story, in which we lose enough money, time, energy, ability, stuff, relationships, power, prestige, respect, and reputation as a result of a failed effort that we experience deep, lasting pain. The typical doomsday scenario amplifies what is often a very low probability, bringing devastating levels of fear and anxiety with it. Then we do something even more heinous. We take that apocalyptic image and spin it. In the way our brains normally function, repetition breeds belief. The end result is paralysis.

It’s clear that storytelling is essential in dealing with insecurity. To create a positive and empowering mental tale, we can use tools from narrative therapy, a type of counseling that helps patients identify their values and skills while separating them from their problems and destructive behaviors. Deconstruction is a popular technique for assisting people in moving past a story that feels overwhelming, confusing, or unsolvable. In order to clarify the issues, the individual is asked to break down their stories into smaller, more manageable parts. Instead of overgeneralizing, identifying the core issues helps the person manage their anxiety and see how the future may not be as frightening as they imagined. Listening to the problem-saturated narrative they've created in their heads also helps patients become aware of improbable scenarios. The therapist then encourages the person to view their problems as external rather than an unchangeable part of themselves and to create distance in order to focus on changing the unwanted behaviors.

While we are creating new empowering stories about our future, we can use additional strategies to strengthen our ability to overcome our feelings of insecurity. Nathan Furr and Susannah Harmon Furr present four of them in their book The Upside of Uncertainty. To begin, we must recognize self-doubt as a natural part of every journey and reframe uncertainty as a necessary portal to possibility. When we do this, our ability to navigate doubt improves because our experience shifts from fear of loss to anticipation of gain. Second, prime ourselves with self-knowledge, research, people who support us, and a collection of options and exit strategies in case they are required. Being patient and learning to entertain the unknown long enough to allow a better future to emerge is also required. Third, face insecurity based on our values. When we aim for self-development rather than goals over which we have no control, we liberate ourselves from anxiety-producing outcomes and lay the groundwork for success regardless of what happens. Finally, we must nourish ourselves in the face of insecurity's drawbacks. Emotional cycles are natural and understanding that low points are always followed by high points can help us maintain our motivation.

"I took the guided tour this morning to learn about the history of this cruise ship," Axel says, causing the entire table to burst out laughing. "Oh, my dear brother, you always end up doing the most boring things," Danna laughs. "Not at all," the youngest member of the family says solemnly. "The captain explained that the name of this ship was originally different, but they decided to use the word "sureness" to denote confidence and control. Perhaps it's no coincidence that we're on the Sureness of the Seas, fearing the uncertainty of our future and yearning for certainty," he adds. Leonardo and Natalie look at each other, stunned by what they have just heard. Then, with his gaze fixed on the breathtaking sunset ahead of the ship, Axel muses, "I guess we should face the uncertainty of life like a boat navigates the seas... speeding when waters are calm and the weather is clear but slowing when the seas are rough and the view is obscured. And even if we drop anchors from time to time to enjoy the moment, we must always keep moving forward.” He sighs and then adds: “Perhaps the irony of it all is that we find true sureness only after letting sureness go."

Author: Esteban Polidura, CFA. December 31, 2022.

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