Surely you can't be (too) serious** (AKA Zombie Apocalypsos**)

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For the almost Friday post this week, I was reminded in the lead up to another 30 June (& for those who celebrate it: HAPPY NEW (FINANCIAL) YEAR) a response to a request we got from a firm we wanting to send work to … they asked us to sign one of the most inane contracts I have ever read … which gave me another opportunity to recycle a response that I have used before in almost identical situations.

?Dear?#insertname

?Thank you for your email.

?As you will have likely been told many times before, this document is a perfect example of everything that is wrong with the legal industry.

?It takes 15 pages to say essentially nothing.

?It has many provisions that are entirely irrelevant – why, as one example, would a GST gross up clause be put in an agreement that has no consideration, other than because it is a template document produced by someone that does not understand what they are doing (?).

?We will sign the document at your request, because we value our relationship with you personally.

?We hope that one day the lawyers behind creating this sort of document realise the damage they are doing to the profession.

For completeness, if we were permitted to request any changes (which we realise we are not able to), one clause that clearly should be included is as follows (extracted from our precedent boilerplate clausebank), namely our clause for:

?Force Majeure due to Zombie Apocalypse

Notwithstanding the aforementioned provisions of this said agreement and inter alia with all other provisions hereinbefore recited, stated and assumed (either expressly or implied by words or conduct or in the alternative, but without limiting the forgoing, the absence of words or conduct) the parties each jointly, severally and jointly and severally revocably (to the full extent permitted by law, both past and present, and if permissible future laws yet to be created at the time of this document) agree, indemnify, disclaim and with the intention of being legally bound immediately, or as soon as permissible at law or by order of court confirm that all cited restrictions set out in writing (whether in this agreement, or otherwise documented in negotiating this agreement, whether by way of email, phone transcript, fax, or homing pigeon) will henceforth and immediately and if necessary with retrospective effect not apply in the event of the occurrence or the threatened or perceived occurrence (certified by the Australian and Australasia Centre for Disease Control or its successor body, assigns and legal personal representatives or any other body nominated to have the requisite authority and force of law equivalent to, or approximately of the same authority as the previously mentioned Australian and Australasia Centre for Disease Control as at the date of this document, or as at the date of any subsequent variation, verbally or in writing as agreed by all parties irrevocably and if verbally then within 90 days of formal request, reduced to writing and if not reduced to writing then such change will be void ab initio, and in using the Latin, the intention of the parties is hereby explicitly confirmed that this phrase is to have the generally accepted meaning in English of the historically generally accepted meaning of the Latin term at the time of first translation from Latin to English, or if there is no such generally accepted translation then the Latin term will apply mutatis mutandis, provided however that in relation to the phrase mutatis mutandis, the parties irrevocably submit to the Latin definition, as generally accepted and under no circumstances, situations or interpretations agree to this term having its English translation applied for the purposes of this clause, or the document more generally) of a widespread viral infection transmitted via bites or contact with bodily fluids that causes human corpses to reanimate and seek to consume living human flesh, blood, brain or nerve tissue (whether at night or during daylight hours or at other times and from time to time at any time not otherwise categorised at law as night or daylight, including for the avoidance of doubt, dusk and other similar periods of time, including as a further example and without limiting the generality of the forgoing, during the lost hour that states other than Kingsland (formerly known as Queensland) experience each year during daylight saving time) and is likely to result in the fall of organised civilisation in the short, medium or long term (as hereinafter defined), subject only to the ability of the parties to sever all or any part of this clause that is otherwise illegal, or is at risk of potentially being illegal, at any time in the future including (by way of express example) if as a result of a Zombie Apocalypse this agreement otherwise becomes unenforceable or liable to potentially later be held to be unenforceable in the reasonably held opinion of one or more of the parties.

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** For the trainspotters, a triple hit today, being the iconic scene from 'Flying High' used in the image today.

View here:?https://youtu.be/Uu72WS8cxhw

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Second … the Icehouse song riffed for the title 'Nothing too serious'.

View here:?https://youtu.be/5uqx5Hsbxzc?si=NQxbaXzdecb1xxNz

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Third ... the Presets album also riffed in the title, 'Apocalypso'.? Lead tune 'My People' seems the obvious choice, view here: https://youtu.be/CZe9YxJNs48?si=VggkLEz5Hq37q6Wf

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