Surprising Communication Secrets

We see what we want to see and we hear what we want to hear. That's why people generally seek information that supports their existing opinion or bias. Ever wondered why debates about religion, politics or the environment are so frustrating? Add to this the fact that miscommunication can be the natural state of affairs (unless you're a Navy Seal commander, Gordon Ramsay or an airline pilot) and you can see the problem.

I cannot tell you how many times I've seen a salesperson lose a deal (me included), and then have the prospect say in the loss review that is was because the seller did not have a particular feature, function, or corporate attribute they were seeking... when the seller did in fact offer what they wanted.

It's enough to make your head explode. Yet the problem is entirely the fault of the seller. Just because we say something does not mean the other party receives our message as intended. In fact, some words we use can convey the very opposite of what we intend. Here are some examples that come from the real world of B2B sales.

'We dominate the market'. This may be intended to convey strength and security for the buyer but it is often interpreted by them as seller arrogance and inflexibility.

'We're the Rolls Royce of solutions'. This may be designed to convey quality, but the buyer can often feel that they are going to pay too much for something that is over-engineered or has more features, functionality and service levels than they need. 'I don't ned a Roll Royce, A Volkswagen Golf is all we need'.

'We have 100% success rate'. Also designed to instil confidence but really? No-one has 100% success rate unless the sample size is tiny. This statement can be perceived as seller exaggeration or worse.

"To be honest with you..." This is intended to build trust but is usually has the opposite effect. 'You mean you have not been honest with me up until now?

What phrases have you heard sellers use that work against them? Let me know in the comments section at the bottom.

The words we use are important, but we must also ensure the person is ready to hear what we are saying and that they hear and see through the right filter. We can best do this by conveying positive intent. Here are two examples:

• Instead of making the prospect feel that they are being qualified, help them feel that you are seeking to establish wether your a good fit for them.
• Instead of making the prospect feel like they're being closed, help them feel that you are exploring best next steps in their best interests.

Just because you say it, does not mean they hear it. The brain plays tricks based the unconscious filter being applied

Once you have a pre-conceived idea of what is being said, it makes perfect sense. Play the video below.

Here is another example. Say 'Green Needle' out loud and then listen. Pause the video and then say 'Brain Needle' out loud and play video. Your brain will hear what it has been conditioned to listen for.

Just as with our hearing, vision works he same way. We perceive through an unconscious filter. This video of Michael Shermer doing a TED Talk is fascinating. I had no idea that Stairway To Heaven was a Satanic Chant.

This awareness test was produced for an innovative television campaign in the UK and shows us how important focus is when doing an awareness test.

Here are the key take-aways:

• Everyone we speak with or present to, hears, sees and feels us through their own filter. We must frame a topic with positive intent and make the right associations... ideally before we've even met them face-to-face
• 7% of received communication is words. The rest is body language (visual communication) and intonation of voice. How we say something is much more important that what we say. Congruency in communication is vitally important. If you're excited about what you're selling, don't forget to tell your face before you speak. Vision trumps hearing every time. Watch the funny video below.

• People will forget what you say, but they will remember how you make them feel. Lead therefore with why conversations matter before you dive into detail. Also build emotion connection and anchor memories with positive associations.
• In sales; position value from their perspective (through their lens), before talking about price. Talk about next steps in their process, rather than yours.

Over to you. What has been your experience in mastering the art of communication for positive influence in business or sales?

I discuss what it takes to succeed in sales today in my book, COMBO Prospecting, published by HarperCollins and The American Management Association (AMACOM) and you can purchase it here on Amazon. 

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Main image: Flickr - Liz du Canada, Surprise!