Supporting children's social and emotional wellbeing using the PACE approach

In this article, I'm going to shift the focus away from a whole school strategy , to focus on providing a more practical insight into supporting children with social, emotional and mental health needs, including the importance of creating emotional safety and where to start once you've identified a child who needs further support or intervention.

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Now that we've taken the time to debunk the myth of 'behaviour management' and understand the underlying needs of our children , the next place to explore is the support that we provide.

I'm not talking about 'fixing' anything.

Due to their life experiences, the children you support may not respond to you in the way you may expect or even in ways that deem 'acceptable'.

But it's always important to remember that it's not their fault, not to blame them and it's not something they have control over.

Children who have had a challenging start to life may have learned and internalised that the world is not a safe place and that people (especially adults) cannot be trusted to keep them safe.

This lack of safety and security can block their ability to learn, explore and navigate the world successfully.

They may not believe they deserve care and attention and they will often feel a deep shame.

These underlying feelings and assumptions will influence all of their future interactions and relationships.

Supporting children who do not feel safe at home or at school requires a significant commitment on your part as a professional.

After reading this article, I hope you go away feeling empowered with a really powerful approach that you can implement immediately.

Where to start?

You've successfully identified that a child has SEMH needs.

Now what tends to happen is the first thing we look at doing is exploring the trauma or adversity they have experienced or we attempt to provide them with resources and strategies to cope and promote positive behaviours.

And I completely understand why this approach is taken, but it is flawed, it's not effective and it's not sustainable.

The reason I say this is that support like cognitive-based interventions (such as CBT), emotional literacy work (such as ELSA) and psycho-education (such as PSHE) can only be effective if the child feels safe, has developed secure attachments and has experienced successful co-regulation with a regulated and attuned adult.

Without those things in place, the types of interventions listed above as a first port of call are unsuccessful and/or unsustainable in terms of the difference that they may.

It's not to say that they aren't useful or successful interventions, but there is work that needs to be done first.

A helpful model to explain this further is the Pyramid of Need which was developed by Kim Golding , a Clinical Psychologist and DPP Consultant in 2015.

The model can be broken down by order of the importance of a child's therapeutic needs:

1. Feeling Safe
2. Developing Relationships
3. Comfort and Co-Regulation
4. Empathy and Reflection
5. Resilience and Resources
6. Exploring Trauma

Put simply, there are a number of elements that need to be in place before a child can reflect, use strategies or explore their trauma.

In this article, I'll provide you with insight into an approach that focuses on feeling safe and developing relationships as this should be seen as the starting point for any child who will be accessing any form of support.

Because, if they do not feel safe, the support you provide will not work.

Creating safety

But before we look into this any further, I want to address a common misunderstanding.

There are professionals who will read this and take the approach of:

"I will do X, Y and Z and that will make this child feel safe"

This is not accurate nor is it helpful and at the end of the day, it just won't work.

In the same way that you cannot manage someone else's behaviour, you cannot make someone else feel safe around you or in a particular environment.

But what you can do is help them to feel safe.

When supporting a child, in order to make an effective and sustainable difference in their life, you've got to help them to feel safe - with you and in their wider environment (such as at school or at home).

Within our day-to-day work, we are generally pretty good at physical safety.

We have things like risk assessments in place, trained first aiders, COSHH procedures, fire alarms, doors and blankets... The list goes on.

But we need to go deeper when looking at emotional safety.

Remember that relationship with a child can be key to fostering a sense of safety and security, supporting healthy development and promoting positive behaviours.

How can you ensure really ensure that you are creating a sustainable environment for emotional safety?

One approach that has gained widespread recognition in recent years is the PACE model developed by Dan Hughes , one of the world's most eminent child psychologists and the founder of DDP and PACE.

PACE is not just a phrase, but a way of thinking, feeling, communicating, and behaving that can help a child to feel safe.

It was created with the aim of supporting adults to build safe, trusting and meaningful relationships with children who have experienced trauma.

The way it's done is by communicating the four principles of PACE flexibly, not as a 'step by step process'.

Here we will explore the key principles of PACE and I'll offer some tangible insights into how you can apply this approach in your work with children.

The Four Principles of PACE

P stands for Playfulness

By having a light-hearted, relaxed and playful attitude, you can help a child to feel connected with you and enable them with the opportunity to break down barriers they may have as well as to experience fun, love and joy.

A playful approach adds the elements of fun and enjoyment to day-to-day life and can also diffuse difficult or tense situations as they arise.

A child is much less likely to respond with anger, defensiveness or aggression when the adult includes a touch of playfulness in their approach.

It's natural to them, it's what they know and it's an innate part of their development - to play.

It is important to keep in mind that when humour is part of PACE, you should always remain respectful and appropriate for the child's age and developmental level.

By being playful, you are able to create a sense of joy and excitement, which can help the child to relax and feel more comfortable with you.

But don't force or fake it... they will be able to tell!

Children need authentic adults, so just be the real you.

Playfulness can help build and strengthen a sense of connection, as you engage in fun and enjoyable activities together.

But, playfulness is not solely about having fun.

It serves a vital therapeutic purpose, by helping the child to regulate their emotions, build social skills and develop a sense of autonomy and control.

Through playful interactions, the child can learn to express themselves, explore their environment, and practice new ways of relating to others.

To practice playfulness, try to include fun and humour in your interactions. Depending on the child, this could be using 'silly' voices or making jokes, it could include playing games or engaging in activities that they enjoy. Above all else, just be your genuine, authentic and natural self.

A stands for Acceptance

An unconditional, irrevocable acceptance of who they are as a person.

Now, this does not mean an acceptance of any behaviours they are presenting with.

And neither is it acceptance on the condition of... let's say achievement.

You just have to value and accept them as they are, for who they are, without judgement and without criticism.

To practice acceptance, it can be helpful to actively listen to children, validate their feelings and experiences and avoid jumping to conclusions or making assumptions.

There's a reason the saying goes: "Never assume, it makes an ass out of u and me..."

Part of this is adopting a strengths-based approach when working with children who have experienced adversity or trauma.

They have been told time and time again what they're not good at, what they do wrong and where they 'fail'.

So much so, that they have a better understanding than you do.

Really take the time to acknowledge, accept and champion all of the things they are good at.

Be it football, computer games, anything...

Because I promise you, they haven't been told enough how good they are.

Accept and embrace them.

C stands for Curiosity

You've got to be genuinely curious and interested... both about them and with them.

The world is such a weird and wonderful place, there literally is never a time where you can't be curious.

The exact same can be said about people.

Be curious about the child and their experiences.

Seeking to understand their perspectives, what motivates them, what they are passionate about and what really gets on their nerves...

Curiosity is an ignition to build rapport and strengthen your relationship with them.

It can also provide valuable insights into the child's needs, strengths and challenges.

Never, ever, try to take the approach of attempting to 'fix' anything.

Being curious can include gaining further insight into what's going on and potentially gaining an understanding of the meaning behind some of the behaviours they display.

To practice curiosity, it can be helpful to ask open-ended questions, show interest in children's hobbies and interests and be willing to explore new ideas and perspectives that motivate them.

It is important that you approach curiosity with an open mind and a non-judgmental attitude.

E stands for Empathy

To understand a child, you have to be able to 'step into their shoes'.

It is an absolute must (not physically, but metaphorically!)

Empathy allows the child to feel their feelings and know that their feelings have been heard and are valid.

That they have been heard and that they are valid.

You may not agree with their feelings, opinions or behaviours and that's okay but by listening you are supporting them to not suppress their feelings, which is absolutely crucial to having positive mental health and wellbeing.

Empathy involves understanding and sharing the child's emotions and experiences and responding with warmth and compassion.

Empathy can help to build trust and further promote a sense of safety and security.

To practice empathy, it can be helpful to actively listen to children, reflect back their feelings and experiences and respond with warmth and validation.

It is important to avoid minimising or dismissing their emotions and to offer support and validation when they are struggling.

Developing your practice

Incorporating the PACE approach into your professional practice can be a powerful way to promote positive outcomes and build strong relationships with children.

Here are a few tips to get started:

1. You need to be intentional: Start off by making the conscious effort to incorporate PACE into your day-to-day interactions with children. The more you do it, the more natural it will become, but you need to start somewhere. This could involve you spending some time at the end of each day to reflect on how you can incorporate these principles into your practice. You could also practice specific PACE techniques away from your interactions with children, either by yourself or with another professional.
2. Take care of yourself: As I mentioned before, working with these children requires your absolute commitment and dedication. Especially as there are no 'quick fixes' and this is part of a long process and a much bigger picture. It is vital that you take care of yourself and protect yourself from vicarious trauma. This will enable you to provide the best possible support to children. (You can't pour from an empty cup!) This could involve you engaging in regular self-care which could include exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature.
3. Seeking support before breaking point: Whether it is formally through your place of work or informally through building a strong personal support network around you in your personal life. You have a very emotionally demanding role. You need to stay on top of your wellbeing and make sure that you are accessing ongoing supervision and make sure that when you need additional or specialist support, you take the appropriate steps before you reach your breaking point as that will be best for both you and the children you are supporting.

Keep these 3 points in mind and they will serve you well.

Further Reading

Dr Dan Hughes - https://www.danielhughes.org

Dr Kim Goulding - https://kimsgolding.co.uk

DDP Network - https://ddpnetwork.org

Your reminder

The most important thing to remember is to take action. All the information in the world won't make a difference unless you put it into practice! Hold yourself accountable to this and who you set yourself out to be.

About Me: Before moving into the world of professional development, I worked across the education and children’s services workforce, where I specialised in supporting children and young people with social, emotional and mental health needs.

During my time of direct work, I became increasingly frustrated by the poor quality of training provided to professionals, which in turn, was leading to poorer outcomes for our children and families. Training which was focused on compliance rather than high quality and relevant professional development that inspires and empowers teams on the frontline.

So I started leading the change I wanted to see. My focus shifted towards developing services, systems, products and opportunities which aim to transform and improve the practice of professionals working directly with children, young people and their families.

My commitment is to a world where every child and adult has access to the protection, support and resources to thrive in life.

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