Superwoman to Woman Supercharge: Stepmum from Pillar to Post

When I met Sophia, I had no idea her dad would eventually be my husband. Initially, I was excited. I knew her a bit and had hung out with her because her dad and I have been friends for years; in fact, she enjoys my company so much she has been known to follow me around the house.?

On planet earth, where the role of women continually evolves, the stepmum is often perceived through the filtered lens of societal expectations. The journey from a "Superwoman" facade to a balanced, empowered individual can often feel like a relentless sprint from pillar to post. Adding another layer to this multifaceted role is the persistent pressure of self-comparison and the pervasive nature of Imposter Syndrome.?

As I heard in the book Stepmonster by Wednesday Martin, my husband and I are often given responsibilities without authority. Then, we see the same behaviour from the parent who wants to control EVERYTHING.?

The drama becomes exhausting. We’re talking about an educated, experienced 50-something-year-old woman—not some teenage mum or a stereotype of what we think biological mums are supposed to be versus stepmum stereotypes.?

Sadly, I was put off. The constant daggers and lack of self-regulation from the biological mum have made me question if I made the right choice of husband.?

I did. I never once thought about his daughters or grandchild before we got together — I wanted to be with him.?

Now, some would say that’s selfish. Thanks, you’re welcome. My husband and I, our bond comes first, and Sophia sees this. She is treated well and listened to. We even did some parenting coaching to make things better.?

Perception of Spaces? ?

Pillar Two deep dives into the positive and negatives. The ‘positive’ space when we are not with the child gives us space to breathe and likewise child gets to miss dad and me. The ‘negative’ space can present as anxiety, which has become a little less each child visit.

The duality of negative and positive spaces is an ideal metaphor to explore this stepmum transformation. Negative space can represent our self-doubt and the belief that we are not enough. In contrast, positive space — that includes having Sophia and not having her — embodies our capabilities and achievements.

Like in art, understanding and appreciating this balance can drive personal growth and self-acceptance.?I am coming to terms with trusting that what we put into place is making the difference in the present for the future. ?

In fact, without the negative space how would you know the positive?? ?

Impostor Syndrome A Deep Dive? ?

The term "impostor Syndrome" was coined by clinical psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes in 1978. Despite being labelled a "syndrome," it doesn't fit the medical definition of one. ?

A syndrome refers to a set of symptoms that consistently occur together or a condition characterised by a specific group of symptoms. ?

Impostor Syndrome, however, is a set of beliefs; a persistent lack of belief in one's accomplishments, brushing them off as luck or deception, instead of merit.?

So, from here on I will refer to Impostor Syndrome, as imposter beliefs, with a small ‘i’ and a small ’b’.? ?

Being a stepmum often heightens these feelings, shaped by societal stories. Wicked stepmother tales reflect fears about maternal roles outside traditional norms. ?

These stories, like in Cinderella or Snow White, depict stepmothers as cruel figures undermining familial harmony, reinforcing the idealisation of the "natural" mother while vilifying alternatives – the alternative being Step mum from all sorts of blended families. ?

Behaving as if one must embody the ideal of "X" can lead to burnout. Urging individuals to act like others presume they should, neglecting unique personal strengths, can harm both mental health and family dynamics.?

I have felt the mental pressure, then decided to care less. It’s working.?

Healthy Boundaries = Healthier Mind, Body and Spirit.? ?

Change How You See Yourself? ?

Instead of reshaping deeply held beliefs overnight,?change the way you see yourself. Incrementally the shift occurs and the change in self-perception is then more achievable. This involves recalibrating one's internal?story and self-talk?to recognise personal achievements and value.

Emphasising strengths, rather than solely attempting to align with external expectations, forms the bedrock of becoming "Supercharged."? ?

Ultimately, redefining success on personal terms leads to a more informed relationship with the concept of being "enough." This journey highlights a balance between self-critique and celebration,?growing?a healthier, more sustainable model for achievement and self-worth.? ? By dismantling the superwoman myth and embracing a multifaceted view of identity and self-efficacy, stepmums can transition from feeling caught between "pillar to post" to navigating their geography of spaces with confidence.?

Signs of impostor beliefs include:? ?

1. Perfectionism: Setting excessively high goals and feeling disappointed when they are not met, even if success is achieved.? ?

2. Fear of Failure: Deep anxiety over making mistakes or not meeting expectations leads to avoidance of challenges.? ?

3. Discounting Success: Attributing achievements to luck, timing, or external help rather than personal skill or effort.? ?

4. Overworking: Compensating for perceived inadequacies by working excessively hard to prove oneself.? ?

5. Self-Doubt: Persistent feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, even after gaining experience or accolades.? ?

6. Fear of Exposure: Constant worry about being "found out" as incompetent or undeserving.? ?

7. Comparing to Others/Compare & Despair: Frequently comparing oneself to peers, often feeling inferior despite evidence of equal or greater achievement.? ?

8. Imbalance in Confidence: Feeling confident one day and utterly self-doubting the next, without clear reason for the shift.? ?

Recognizing these signs can help in addressing impostor beliefs, often with the support of mentors, peers, or professional counselling?

?

The Famous Four...and of course there is more!?

Maya Angelou: Despite her numerous awards and accolades, Angelou often felt like a fraud and feared being exposed as not as accomplished as perceived.? ?

Natalie Portman: The actress and Harvard alum has spoken about feeling inadequate and “not smart enough” during her time at university and in her career.? ? ?

Emma Watson: The actress has admitted to feeling like an impostor during her career, questioning her worthiness of success.? ?

Michelle Obama: The former First Lady has expressed feelings of self-doubt and questioning whether she was good enough, even at the pinnacle of her career.? ? ?

These individuals, despite their significant achievements, have shown that impostor?belief?can affect anyone, regardless of success level.? ?

?

Statistics about impostor beliefs?affecting various professions:? ?

These statistics highlight how impostor beliefs can affect various fields, often linked to high expectations, peer comparison, and professional pressures.?

Academia: Studies indicate that up to 70% of people in academia have experienced impostor beliefs at some point in their career. This is prevalent among graduate students and early-career researchers who often doubt their intellectual capabilities.? ?

Technology: In tech, particularly with women, surveys show that about 58% of tech employees experience impostor beliefs. It is common in this field due to its fast-paced nature and rapid technological advancements.? ?

Healthcare: A significant number of healthcare professionals report experiencing impostor beliefs, with some studies showing around 49% of medical residents feeling like impostors. The high stakes and intense pressure in the medical field can exacerbate these feelings.? ?

Creative Industries: People in creative professions, such as writers, artists, and musicians, often face impostor beliefs due to the subjective nature of their work. It's estimated that over 60% of individuals in these fields experience these feelings at some point.? ?

Law: Approximately 45% of legal professionals report experiencing impostor beliefs. The competitive and high-pressure environment in law often contributes to these feelings.? ?

?

You don’t need fixing what you want is your inner light to shine through. Yes, that takes courage and if I am talking to you come and talk to me.?

Transform and Recharge: From Superwoman to Your Most Radiant Self!?

Indulge in a retreat designed just for you—a space to relax, let go, and rediscover your power as YOU.?

? Online Retreat: 3 Days of Blissful Self-Love for ￡600?

? 5 Weeks of Glorious Pleasure for ￡1000?

? In-Person Retreat: 10 Days of Glorious Pleasure, away in the sun. ?

"Retreat: where you can relax, let your hair down, and supercharge from Superwoman to Woman in Your PJs.?

Because you deserve this gift of joy, renewal, and self-celebration. Treat yourself—you’re worth it! ???

Come on...?

Embrace You Play More!?

Lots of Angel Hugs

Hi, I’m Jo, your Creative Doulah.

I coach people-pleasing step mums to own their purpose, live their vision, heal their hearts, and transform their money story—because it's time to thrive unapologetically!

Are you ready for your internal makeover?

D.M. for more details on getting clearer with yourself in 5 days for ￡200!

Speak soon!

@angelsmustcreate

@angel_play_cards

?