Superwoman is a Toxic Compliment

7 Lessons from 7 Years of the Mentoress Collective

superwoman is a toxic compliment

“Telling another woman ‘You’re a superwoman,’ is one of the most toxic compliments you can give.” - Belinda Weaver

When top copy coach, Belinda Weaver laid that brutal bit of truth on us at the landmark Closing the Success Gap event, you could feel the collective punch-to-the-solar-plexus gasp.

Belinda explained that we think being called “superwoman” is a compliment. Because we crave the praise and attention.

But it’s a trap.

Thinking you are superwoman and can do all the things yourself sets you up for failure.

You need help. You need to ask for help. You need to get out of your own way.

Or as Belinda put it, “Let your village do their bit.”

Belinda has raised a family, grown her business and survived the pandemic, not by being perfect, but by learning the hard way—how to put herself first.

It’s a lesson I have to keep re-learning.

This past January Suzanne Paulinski, creator of the 2022 Rock/Star Life Planner, led us through a super cool vision board exercise to create our own personal vision for 2022.

With Belinda’s talk still fresh in my mind… I added an image of a female martyr to my vision board with “NO MARTYRS” written across it in bold type.

And that goal is in part why I made the very difficult decision to close the Mentoress Collective.

Because I knew that I could not continue to martyr myself for the cause, no matter how good, or just, or right.

I had to stop pretending to be superwoman and start practicing better self-care.

It’s a theme that has come up over and over again over the past 7 years…

Mentoress Collective Lesson #5:

NO MORE MARTYRS

In fact so many women in the Mentoress Collective struggle with self-care that we dedicated an entire day of the Closing the Success Gap symposium to it.

? Belinda Weaver - Copywriting Coach and Mentor, Founder of Copywrite Matters, revealed how to put down the mental load and stop managing all the things for all the humans in your household - without worrying that the world will end if you do!

? Laurel Ann Stark - Business and Marketing Consultant, CEO and Founder of the Resurgo App, exposed the shocking reason why becoming an entrepreneur triples your risk of mental illness. Plus why female entrepreneurs are at greater risk for mental illness than their male counterparts and how to protect yourself.

? Pauline Longdon - Direct Response Copywriter and Copy Mentor, Founder of The Copy Alchemist, showed how tapping into your future self can help you make better self-care decisions today.

? Ilise Benun - Founder of Marketing-Mentor.com, Business Coach for the Savannah College of Art and Design, explored how you can use your business as an incubator for radical growth and empowerment in your personal life.

You can find all of their brilliant talks in the Mentoress Collective Library of Trainings.

(Link in first comment.)

But that’s not all…

The Mentoress Collective Legacy of Success also includes even more expert trainings on how to get better at self-care like…

? Living an Extraordinary Life with a Plant-Based Lifestyle with Dr. Dan and Pam Witkowski: Dan and Pam show how busy entrepreneurs can live a healthy lifestyle while juggling the demands of being an entrepreneur.

? Negotiating Skills for the Most Neglected Member of Your Team – YOU with Dr. Peter Pearson: Dr. Pearson tackles the tricky conversation about “self-care” head on—by forcing you to confront your own limitations. Before you can negotiate with anyone else for self-care… you have to first negotiate with yourself. What are you willing to let go of? What are you willing to ask for and what can you sacrifice?

? Your Roadmap to Restoration: How to Take Time for Deliberate Rest and Sustain Yourself No Matter What Obstacles You Face with Renee St Pierre Teller: Renée Teller, entrepreneur, author and Life Strategist shares the 5 key principles to creating a deliberate practice of rest.

? And much, much, more.

I believe that ALL of us need to get better at practicing self-care.

In her book, Untamed, Glennon Doyle pointed out the trap of martyrdom for women.

She writes, “Mothers have martyred themselves in their children’s names since the beginning of time. We have lived as if she who disappears the most, loves the most. We have been conditioned to prove our love by slowly ceasing to exist.” ― Glennon Doyle

Whether you martyr yourself for your children, your business, your passion project, your friends, your family… the outcome is the same. You slowly cease to exist.

This does not serve you and it does not serve the world.

No. More. Martyrs.

Love does not equal erasing yourself.

Marcella