Superhuman but still Human

? Twins!! I knew nothing about raising kids and I was having twins!! As excited as I was, I felt immense pressure of being a superwoman who is called a mother. They said it would be the best thing that could happen to me but the changes in my body made me feel like I could pass out any minute with exhaustion. When the day of delivery arrived and I went into labor, I swore that I was never going to do this again. I can not describe how devilish everyone around me looked at that point. Everyone told me "a moment of pain for a lifetime of happiness", and all I could think of was how could people not experiencing anything about what I was going through said this to me. I just wanted to get done with it. Soon, guilt set in for feeling this way about bringing my child into this world.

"The one thing" women are blessed with was something I am finding difficult to do. After 5 hours of terrible labor, there was my first child, my son. He was all blue. As guilt took the side seat, fear started to set in. "Why does he look that way, is he going to be all right? Is my second child all right?" As I asked these questions, the doctors laughed at me. That didn't help. "Am I coming off as someone who has no clue how this works?" " Will I do a good job when I know nothing?", "What am I going to do?" All these questions and more started to creep into my mind. 7 minutes of anxiety and there I was back experiencing excruciating pain again. My second child, my daughter; came out of me fairly quickly. She was blue too. This time I started to yell. "Will you tell me why they look like that? What is wrong? Stop laughing and tell me why they are blue?" The doctor then realized I was being too anxious and explained that long labor can be the probable cause, they would gain their color soon and it is something very normal.

This entire experience made me feel a lot of things. I was happy, I was in pain, I was relieved, I was anxious, I was engulfed with fear, and among all those feelings I mentioned, I also felt that all those adjectives combined too can not perfectly describe how I was exactly feeling in that moment.

I thought coming back home would make me feel better. But it made me feel worse. Why is there no user manual to do this perfectly? How am I going to take responsibility for these two little humans all by myself? I am responsible for their entire life. But I tried to trick my mind by saying "No pressure".

Yes, you are right. It did not work.

Over the days, I realized this was going to be a roller coaster ride. There were days I felt in control, but there were also days I felt like I knew nothing at all and I was worthless. I felt like sharing my concerns to my family and friends would only lead them to judge me regarding my incapability of being a superhuman mother.

I got multiple gifts and virtual wishes that suggested women are superhumans. They are effortless in adjusting, sacrificing, creating the perfect world for their babies, and so on.

Again, you are right! Even among all the praises, the pressure was real.

I felt like a failure. I felt like running away and hiding every chance that I got.

The day my children were to be named, most people saying something for us said something along the lines of "It wouldn't be wrong if I said that if superpowers had a face, it would look like most of our mothers." Every time I heard that, behind the smile I put up was an over-anxious new mother who felt like a little lost girl wanting to scream out and cry for help. Between the celebrations, for a moment I zoned out. And a moment later I snapped back into reality having no recollection of what went through my mind during that time. Yes, it scared me. Especially because I had my children in my arms and I had completely lost sight of what was happening around me. That was when I decided I needed to talk to someone about this even if that meant I would be judged.

After the celebration, I sat my mother and mother-in-law down. I tried to explain to them how I felt but I kept giving explanations for it.

" I love seeing these little hands and hearing their laughter, but it is all so overwhelming. That does not mean I do not love them. I do, truly. But I am feeling too drained in the process. I am not complaining and I know people have it worse. But I am unable to shake this feeling off." This might be a gist of how I sounded that day accompanied by uncontrollable tears. They both listened to me until I looked at them in desperation.

They then looked at each other and giggled. They both held me and let me cry for as long as I felt like while assuring me this more or less was their story when they delivered as well. For a minute I felt, they were saying all of it so that I felt better about myself. But as they shared their stories with me, I began to realize that maybe it is not just me who feels so lost. It might just be a universal experience. As my tears began to dry up, the room started to fill up with laughter. All the experiences they were sharing made me realize that the people who I idolized to be perfect mothers, were equally clueless then and to this day of how motherhood really works. When my mother felt as if she was failing me, I couldn't help but think how amazing she was, sometimes even superhuman-like.

And that's when it struck me, motherhood is not about being the perfect human, it is all about never giving up even when you have cried a river. It is about consistent unconditional love even when you find it difficult to love yourself. It is about cuddling with your child even when you are feeling overstimulated. It is equal parts beautiful and exhausting!

I agree that to pull off all these things you need nothing less than superpowers. However, it is important to realize that all our supermoms are also human. You need not accomplish everything possible perfectly and set unattainable goals for yourself (often referred to as supermom syndrome) because society and social media say so. You too have a life, desires, a temper, mood swings, and all things human. The days of struggle as all mothers say, are numbered.

You will soon move over the initial phase of self-doubt. Sure, there might be other problems you could be faced with, but be rest assured you do not need any cape to overcome the challenge. You simply need to be present for your child. With your child. You need not give them luxury but make sure you shower them with abundant unconditional love and support. In the end, it is never how much money you spent on them, but how much time you spent "present" with your child that will give you the brownie points.

To all the mothers reading this, we acknowledge and appreciate the effort you put into making sure everything and everyone around you sits together in perfect harmony. However, in a world full of supermom influencers as well as a judgmental and opinionated society, be the messy mama who takes care of herself just as much as she takes care of her bundles of joy!

It definitely is a long road for mothers to embark on. But you will always have a hand to hold. All you need to do is call out for support. Voice out your concerns and seek help when things feel overwhelming. Help is always available.

If you feel like you would need some guidance or even if you would want to vent out in a non-judgmental environment,?feel free to connect with us by contacting us on our toll-free number 18008338747, or email us at [email protected]. You can also visit our website www.transformhappily.com to browse through our various help options.

Let's Transform, Happily by Listening!