Supercharged Parenting for Entrepreneurs

This is a special chapter for all you parents out there. There are some great learnings in here for non-parents too, so enjoy the stories from the ‘other’ of life’s roller coaster experiences.

Huge caveat to open with. I am not female, a female entrepreneur or a female, pregnant entrepreneur, so cannot tick any of these boxes. That said, my partner is self-employed and I have interviewed many successful female entrepreneurs about balancing business and parenting. I have two children so I can 100% tick the ‘parenting’ box and I have been fortunate enough to have a wonderful partner who was happy to take the role of primary caregiver for both our children allowing me to stay focussed on the business. 

The following is based on my experience of being a father. I take full responsibility for any unconscious bias that slips through. Nuff said. Let’s go!

Let me start with an expletive. Fudge me! Parenting is hard. No question about it. No debate here. No argument whatsoever. If you are a parent or expecting parent then you are already a legend in my eyes. There, I’ve said it. 

Parents are absolutely the hardest working people in the world, but most of them have absolutely no formal qualifications or experience in this role. Aside from a few antenatal classes there is no formal education for becoming a parent and no test to take to assure you that you are ready for the role. Work experience is also incredibly hard to come by in this field unless you work in a children’s nursery. Even then, you can send the baby home at the end of the day and take the evening off. 

Bringing a human being into the world is scary because no one tells you the truth. They tell you about the sleepless nights, imposter syndrome and the investment required, but they avoid telling you the real truth. The real truth is that parenting is a 24/7/365, eye melting, soul destroying, emotionally draining, physically exhausting, dirty, smelly, vomiting experience, to which an alien race looking down on us would cry out “Why have you not come up with a better solution for this?”. People don’t tell expectant parents the real truth because if they did the human race would cease to exist within 100 years. What a thought!?

Becoming a parent is very similar to becoming an entrepreneur. Both roles are high stress and high risk, generally with little or no recognition for the work undertaken. Both jobs require herculean amounts of energy, resilience and emotional investment to deliver even the smallest result. Both roles require significant financial and emotional investment in order to keep the project moving forward smoothly. Both jobs require you to learn and adapt at lightning pace, but most annoyingly, in both jobs you are bombarded with (mostly unrequested) advice on how you can improve in your role. 

Parenting is a 24/7 gig. Aside from school and grandparents (if you are lucky enough to have willing and able ones), the pressure to look after your offspring is constant. Even when your children are not physically with you, they are in your thoughts. They are an ever present (if self created) wonderful thorn in your side.

No one can explain to you what being a parent or entrepreneur is going to be like before you commit. Even if they did explain all the gory details it would largely wash over you because the brain processes 3rd party information received very differently to a direct experience. Parenting, just like entrepreneurship, must be experienced to fully understand all of its highs and lows. 

Parenting has its challenges for sure, but it can also be the absolute best thing in the world. Much like entrepreneurship, parenting delivers some incredible highs. Experiencing your child’s first smile, laugh or footstep is an amazing feeling which sends your Dopamine and Oxytocin soaring into the stratosphere. These small wins give you a sense of pride and accomplishment unrivalled elsewhere in your life. 

Much like entrepreneurship, parenting is largely self-taught. All parents play to their strengths and raise their children in the best way they know how. As parents, our own upbringing is a huge determiner of how we raise our children and how we see our role as a parent. I found the first year of being a father an intense learning experience, with my first year as an entrepreneur coming a (very close) second in terms of lessons learnt. Every day I am learning from my children and much of their teaching has inspired me to become a better entrepreneur. 

I love being a parent and I believe that being a good parent makes me a better entrepreneur. I started my business 6 months before my partner and I realised we were going to have a baby. This has given me a somewhat unique perspective on the challenges of balancing entrepreneurship and parenting. If striking a meaningful balance between the two roles is your goal then you may need to reset your expectations because creating balance is not as simple as it may seem. 

When building your new supercharged entrepreneurial life the role of parent will be a huge part of your thinking and planning. I have learnt many lessons as a parent trying to run a business. What follows are the three most important lessons I have learnt from the last 7 years of attempting to balance entrepreneurship and being a parent:

Leson #1 - Lose Control Now

Babies are unpredictable, even more so than running a business. If I had my time again I would have spent the entire pregnancy period outsourcing as much of my role as possible. Once the baby arrives you will lose 50% of your physical time and 75% of your mental availability overnight. It is a hard truth to swallow, but it does and will happen. Irrelevant of supportive partners, grandparents and nurseries, the baby demands all of your time and energy, and you will be fighting from day one to keep something free for your business.

Every expectant parent will start making post-birth work/business plans as soon as the 12 week scan is positive. With the average pregnancy at 40 weeks, that gives you 28 weeks to get your post-baby plans in place. If you are an expectant mother then your plans may need to be condensed slightly if you are planning to take some time in the last few weeks before the birth. Now is the time to make plans that will streamline your business and make you the most effective entrepreneur possible. Whether you need to hire people or create new systems and processes, or just shift your team’s mindset to one of self-sufficiency, now is the time to get started. 

Practical plans aside, the number item on the agenda during pregnancy is to let go of control as soon as possible. You need to find a way to relax your grip on your business to allow you to shift some of your energy and focus on becoming a parent. Babies run to their own schedules and enjoy shifting your priorities to bring your attention back to them. Aim to become comfortable with not being in complete control and your parenting experience, as a whole, will be much more enjoyable.

If you are an entrepreneur who already has young children then you will likely be deep into this process anyway. If this is the case, don’t panic. Keep focused on training  your team, streamlining your processes and making the most use of your time on working the business. 

The best piece of advice I was given during this time was to only focus on the ‘great work’ and not the ‘bad work’, thinking lifted from Michael Bungay’s brilliant book ‘Do More Great Work’. Focus your time and effort only on the tasks that drive growth or that maintain stability in your business. All other tasks will have to wait or be outsourced for now.

Your own well-being as a new parent can easily go out of the window in the first 12 months. Entrepreneurs are no different, in fact it can be even more challenging with the uncertainty of running a business. Don’t aim for work/life/health balance perfection in the early years. In fact, don’t even aim for close to perfection. Aim to find balance and enjoy this time with your new baby. You will make mistakes and let things slip. Be okay with this. Mistakes help us learn faster.

Leson #2 - Expect More of Less

Entrepreneurs are maximisers used to getting the most from every day. But raising a baby, especially during the first year, is full of incredibly precious moments that can easily be overlooked by a preoccupied mind focussed elsewhere. It is a well-worn cliche, but these tiny moments are gone in a heartbeat, and sadly never come back. Your challenge is to bring your mind back to the present and get more joy out of these moments. 

I took inspiration from the Commando Dad book by Neil Sinclair, organising my family’s daily systems down to the minute in order to keep our daily routine on track. Although I struggled emotionally to adapt to my new role as a dad/parent in the first few months post-birth, I found comfort, reassurance and a new purpose in being the sergeant major of the house. 

Strangely, being ‘baby organised’ and focusing on the small wins allowed me to regain a sense of control in my life. I started to enjoy more of the little things in life. I was no longer leading the charge, winning pitches or being the big ‘I am’, but actually my life was fuller and richer as a result. Looking back now, being a father has allowed me to gain a interesting perspective on life, and I am incredibly grateful for this.

Leson #3 - Ignore all Advice

“Ignore all advice about parenting.” 

Of all the advice I was given as an expectant parent, this is the one that stuck with me the most. I was an acutely nervous father-in-waiting, reading every book, watching every video and attending every antenatal class available. They all helped in small ways, but none of them gave me the real-world answers I was looking for. Seeking solace in friends, family and colleagues I received a horde of well-meaning advice on every subject of parenting, from every conceivable angle.

It soon became painfully clear that multiple parenting styles existed, each with its own army of fervent super fans ready to convince me with stories, anecdotes and ‘scientifically proven’ research. Bombarded with advice from every side, from Permissive to Disciplinarian, my swollen mind soon retreated to the hills frantically trying to make sense of it all. When it comes to parenting advice is good, but too much advice is bad.

If you are a new or expecting parent I recommend that you read everything, watch everything and listen to all the advice you want, but as soon as your child is born, ignore it all. Follow your instincts, do what feels right and when you get lost seek advice from the professionals (e.g. the NHS in the UK). 

All parents pass on emotional baggage to their children, and we are all products of our own upbringing, so go with the flow. Accept that parenting is a learning process and don’t let perfection be the enemy of progression. You will find your own way. There is light at the end of the parenting tunnel. Trust me. I’ve been there.

Closing Thoughts

Being an entrepreneur and a new parent at the same time has been the most difficult period of my life. My experience has led me to conclude that I have no miracle cures, magic potions or fool-proof systems to help you find balance as a parent and as an entrepreneur. The reason is that every parenting experience is different, just as every business experience is different. Every entrepreneur is different, just as every parent is different. 

Our individual life experience makes us uniquely different from the next person, and it is in this difference where you will find your strength to become a good parent. I’ll paraphrase Tzun Zu to make the point, “Know thyself and in 100 battles you will never lose.” My advice is to embrace your strengths and your weaknesses, understand your limitations and do the best job you can. That is all you can ask of yourself in life, and as a parent.

Whether you are a parent becoming an entrepreneur or vice-versa, you already have a transferable skill set you can use in your new role. Parenting really is a job. What starts as a side hustle, soon becomes a new career. Like any new career, parenting takes time to learn and improve your skills and competence. Once you have found your way, and ironed out your new systems, combining the two careers of parenting and entrepreneurship together can be one of the most empowering ways to create a true supercharged life.

To all the parents out there - I salute you.