Super Bowl Monday

America’s favorite unofficial holiday.

Another year, another Monday where America collectively pretends the flu struck harder than a linebacker on a blitz. Yes, folks, the day after the Super Bowl—Super Bowl Monday, as some have dubbed it—is once again expected to be a nationwide festival of sick calls, mysteriously vague "family emergencies," and Zoom cameras that conveniently stay off.

According to a survey by HR software provider UKG (because, apparently, tracking workplace absenteeism is big business), a record 22.6 million Americans are planning to skip work the day after Super Bowl LIX. That’s up from 18.8 million last year. The real MVP? Not Jalen Hurts, not the Eagles' defense—it’s the collective American workforce, executing the greatest disappearing act since Houdini.

Who’s Actually "Sick"?

Let’s break down the playbook:

• 12.9 million people will at least be polite about it and request the day off in advance. These are the planners—the people who booked their PTO months ago, knowing full well that a Sunday night of buffalo wings and beer wasn’t going to mix well with Monday morning spreadsheets.
• 4.8 million employees will play office Tetris and swap shifts with some poor sap who either doesn’t care about football or has yet to realize they’ve been bamboozled.
• 6.4 million brave souls will wake up Monday morning, groggily reach for their phone, and send some variation of:

And then, there are the 12.9 million folks who will begrudgingly clock in—but at least start work late, likely showing up with a coffee the size of a toddler and eyes that scream "I regret all my life choices."

Time to Just Make It a Holiday?

For years, sports fans have been rallying for the Monday after the Super Bowl to be declared a national holiday. And honestly? They’ve got a point. If we can dedicate an entire day to Groundhog-related weather predictions, surely we can acknowledge the real American pastime—eating junk food and watching overpriced commercials while pretending we understand pass interference.

A staggering 43% of employed Americans support this idea. The other 57% are either in denial or secretly enjoying the smug satisfaction of watching their coworkers suffer. Some schools in New Jersey have already caved, giving kids and parents an extra two hours of sleep on Monday morning. Meanwhile, Philadelphia’s school district has said, Nope, get your tired behinds to class on time, citing a bizarre superstition about losing streaks.

The Real Winners?

No, it’s not the Super Bowl champions. It’s not even the advertisers who shelled out $7 million for 30 seconds of your attention. It’s the people who preemptively took PTO and will spend Monday in sweatpants, smugly watching their coworkers struggle through meetings. Legends.

So, America, as we head into another Super Bowl weekend, let’s be honest with ourselves: You’re not sick. You’re just participating in an annual tradition—the Great American Monday Bailout. And frankly, that should be celebrated.

Maybe next year, the government will finally wise up and put this on the official calendar. Until then, rest up, hydrate, and for the love of all things holy, set an out-of-office email that doesn’t scream "I partied too hard."