The Sunday Stoic: On why do we want to imitate others

Why do we feel the urge to follow the crowd? Imagine moving to a new neighborhood where all the kids play soccer. You’ve never really liked soccer, but seeing everyone else having fun makes you want to join in—just to fit in. Or maybe you’re happy with your Honda, until your neighbor arrives in a Tesla. Suddenly, your reliable car feels outdated—not because it isn't reliable anymore, but because your idea of what’s desirable changed. Or consider wanting to attend a conference just because everyone else is going. Philosopher René Girard (1923–2015) called this "mimetic desire"—we want things simply because others want them. While it can help us belong, it can also push us into choices that don’t fit, like a polar bear in the desert. Even Epictetus (50–135 AD) observed, “We are not disturbed by events, but by our views of them.” Does that sound familiar?

Imitation has always been essential to human progress. The word imitatio means "to copy," and in ancient times, people copied each other to survive. When one group learned to make fire or craft tools, others followed, ensuring their survival. Over time, this imitation shaped technology and traditions, evolving into what we now call science and culture. Consider holiday traditions—most have been passed down and refined over generations, linking us to our ancestors. As kids, many of us learned by watching older siblings, like mastering how to ride a bike. Isaac Newton (1643–1727 AD) once said, “If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants,” a nod to those who came before. Imitation, simply put, is one of the pillars in the foundation of innovation.

Imitation can help explain why even successful people sometimes feel unfulfilled. Take tennis legend Andre Agassi as an example. Despite winning eight Grand Slam titles and becoming a world-famous athlete, Agassi admitted in his autobiography Open that he actually hated tennis. Surprising, right? One of the greatest tennis stars in history didn’t enjoy the sport. Pushed into tennis by his father, a former boxer, Agassi worked hard to meet his father’s expectations. Yet, despite all his stellar sports accomplishments, he felt unsatisfied. After retiring, Agassi launched the Andre Agassi Foundation for Education, raising millions of dollars, and opened a school for underserved children in Las Vegas. By aligning his actions with what he actually wanted, he thrived.

Imitation often turns into rivalry. Imagine two cavemen chasing the same bison or two companies battling for market share—what starts as copying quickly escalates into competition. René Girard’s theory of "mimetic desire" helps explain the Second Punic War (218–201 BC). Rome didn’t care much for Iberia (modern-day Spain) until Carthage moved in, and suddenly, Rome wanted it too. It wasn’t about Iberia itself; it was like two siblings fighting over something—not because they truly wanted it, but because the other did. Even today, nations and groups clash over territory or influence, not out of need, but to prevent others from having the same thing. On a personal level, we follow trends or make choices simply because “everyone else is doing it,” without questioning why.

Imitation can spark a movement, as demonstrated by Florence Nightingale (1820–1910). During the Crimean War (1853–1856), her unique approach to nursing introduced new standards of care, and many soon followed her lead. By 1860, she founded the Nightingale School of Nursing, and countless nurses flocked to learn her innovative methods. Known as “The Lady with the Lamp,” her legacy shows how imitation has the power to transform entire professions. As motivational speaker Jim Rohn (1930–2009) said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with,” reminding us how the people we choose to emulate significantly impact who we become.

Imitation is a key part of how medical professionals develop their skills. While textbooks provide knowledge, much of medical training comes from hands-on experience. We learn by watching senior colleagues, especially during residency and fellowship. One of my neuropathology attendings once told me, "Residency isn’t just about memorizing facts—you can do that by reading books again and again. It’s about learning how to apply that knowledge in real-world situations by observing others." Many clinicians I’ve spoken to say they often follow the example of their mentors, picking up their best practices. This learning continues through conferences, workshops, and peer interactions, constantly shaping how they care for patients. Has a mentor shaped your path?

In closing, think about how imitation shapes our lives every day, often without us noticing. Picture early humans learning to build fires by watching others, or today’s professionals honing their skills by observing mentors. Imitation can drive remarkable progress—just look at how Florence Nightingale transformed nursing. But let’s be honest, it can also pull us into trends and fads we don’t even care about. This week, take a moment to reflect on your choices. Are they truly yours, or are you just keeping up with the Joneses? Stay part of the crowd, but without feeling like a penguin stranded at the equator.

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this essay are mine alone and don’t represent those of any individuals, employers, or organizations I’m associated with. Studying Stoicism and other philosophies is a personal hobby that I pursue in my own time to improve my thinking. I’m not a professional writer or illustrator, so I’ve used some online tools to help express my thoughts more clearly. My goal is simply to share ideas, not to impress. I don’t claim to be more knowledgeable than others—we’re all figuring things out on our own. If you have thoughts on how Stoicism applies to everyday life, I’d love to hear from you via LinkedIn. If you found this essay useful, feel free to share it with others.