The Sunday Stoic: On Recognizing Rhetorical Questions

A rhetorical question isn’t meant to get an answer—it’s meant to make a point. Imagine this: you’re checking in for your flight, and a stranger asks, “Do you really think you’ll make it with such a short layover in Atlanta?” You reply, “Yes, of course,” only to realize moments later that they weren’t expecting an answer. Their tone said it all—they were expressing doubt, not trying to have a conversation about flight connections. Rhetorical questions like these often hide in plain sight, subtly conveying emotions—whether it’s skepticism, frustration, or amusement—without explicitly stating them. They slip into everyday interactions unnoticed, sometimes catching us off guard. This week, we’ll explore how these questions shape conversations and how to recognize and respond to them effectively.

Why do people use rhetorical questions instead of just stating their opinion? It’s about the optics—conveying a message without coming across too harshly. Take a teacher facing a noisy class: “Do you even want to pass this grade?” They’re not looking for an answer; they’re venting their frustration. Or a parent, fed up with endless spending, asks, “Do you think money grows on trees?” It’s not about money or trees—it’s about urging a teenager to be more responsible. Then imagine a tourist stuck in traffic, asking the cab driver, “Does this road ever move?” They don’t need a traffic update; they’re expressing impatience. Rhetorical questions allow people to communicate strong emotions in a subtle, indirect way.

How can you handle rhetorical questions without feeling awkward? Start by recognizing them for what they are—expressions of emotion rather than requests for answers. Imagine you’re starting something new - XYZ, and someone says, “Are you ever going to stop doing XYZ?” Instead of freezing, you smile and say, “Oops, didn’t even notice your concerns—let’s talk about what you think!” The tone shifts, and the moment becomes lighter. Or picture being stuck in a long line, and someone sighs, “Do you think this line will ever move?” Rather than joining the frustration, you could say, “Who knows, but at least we’ve got a break from the rush!” Suddenly, what could’ve been stressful exchange turns into a lighthearted exchange. By responding with humor and positivity, you defuse the situation and make everyone feel more at ease, without the pressure of giving a real answer.

Philosophers often highlight the importance of focusing on what’s within our control, especially when responding to rhetorical questions. In Stoicism, ataraxia—a state of inner calm—is essential. As Epictetus (c. 55–135 CE) said, “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” When faced with an annoying rhetorical question, ataraxia may help you stay composed, reminding you that you can’t control the question but can control your response. Similarly, Taoism’s concept of wu wei, or “effortless action,” encourages going with the flow rather than resisting. In the context of rhetorical questions, embracing wu wei means not feeling pressured to engage and expand unnecessarily. Instead, you allow the moment to pass smoothly. Both ataraxia and wu wei can help answer questions with grace and ease.

In closing, rhetorical questions are just part of everyday life. Think about the next time someone tosses one your way—like when a friend says, “Do you think I have all day?” It’s easy to feel irritated, but instead, see it as a chance to connect. They’re not looking for an actual answer; they’re probably just stressed or frustrated. Instead of getting defensive, you could smile and say, “Don’t worry, I’ll be quick!”—and just like that, the mood shifts. What could’ve been a tense moment becomes lighter, maybe even a shared laugh. So, in the coming week, when someone hits you with a rhetorical question - will you let it bother you, or turn it into a moment of connection? (And yes, that’s a rhetorical question!)

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this essay are mine alone and don’t represent those of any individuals, employers, or organizations I’m associated with. Studying Stoicism and other philosophies is a personal hobby that I pursue in my own time to improve my thinking. I’m not a professional writer or illustrator, so I’ve used some online tools, to help illustrate and express my thoughts more clearly. My goal is simply to share ideas, not to impress. I don’t claim to be more knowledgeable than others—we’re all figuring things out on our own. If you have thoughts on how Stoicism applies to everyday life, I’d love to hear from you via LinkedIn. If you found this essay useful, feel free to share it with others