The Sunday Stoic: On Middle Age

"At thirty-six, one feels that the years of youth are behind. We realize that the first half of our life is the text, the rest is all commentary." Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860 CE)

What is middle age? In the 19th century, Schopenhauer believed it marked the time when major life events—finishing education, getting married, raising children—were all done, sometimes as early as a person's mid-thirties. He saw this as when knowledge and experience came together - to make a better person. Today, while we live longer and start careers later, the idea still holds. By our 40s, we are usually done with key milestones like finding our careers, buying homes, or starting families. Now come new challenges—balancing work, family, and health. Also comes is wisdom, the kind that helps us decide which struggles are worth our energy and which aren’t - like teenage tantrums. In short, middle age may mean more responsibility, but it also brings some of life’s best moments.

Middle age doesn’t arrive with a clear line—it’s a gradual shift, like the day turning from morning to afternoon. One moment, you’re chasing possibilities of the youth, and the next, family, career, and responsibilities quietly take over. In your 20s, it feels like there’s plenty of time. Slowly, by your early 30s, life starts to focus on what really matters. In Vedic Jyotish, this shift begins around 36. Herein, Confucian wisdom encourages finding balance, while in Japan, it’s about discovering your ikigai—your purpose in everyday life. By your mid-40s, you begin to see what’s truly important. As you reach your late 50s and 60s, new priorities emerge—health, retirement, and leaving a legacy. Middle age brings many responsibilities, but it also offers some of life’s most meaningful transitions.

The middle years are not supposed to be easy. To star, “midlife crisis,” a term from the 1960s, usually hits in your 40s or 50s. It can be confusing. With big responsibilities like managing careers, raising teenagers, and caring for aging parents—all while trying to stay healthy—it’s a stressful time. Of course, it can also be messy, bringing impulsive decisions. The classic joke about buying a flashy red sports car might be funny, but it reflects a real reaction aimed to reconnect to one's youth. But it can also be a chance for clarity. Some people change careers, rediscover old passions, or refocus on relationships. It’s a moment to figure out what really matters.So, are you navigating the confusion of a midlife crisis, or have you found midlife clarity?

Schopenhauer's idea of middle age ties into the Stoic concept of "memento mori"—the reminder that life is finite. When we’re young, time feels abundant, and we often waste hours on distractions, assuming there's always more. But as we grow older, time seems to speed up. For example, decades may have flown by since your graduation, and what once seemed far away, like retirement, now feels much closer. Schopenhauer referred to this as the "paradox of time"—when we're young, we take time for granted, feeling like we have an endless supply. But as we reach middle age, we realize that time is running out, and suddenly it feels much more valuable. It’s this shift in perspective that forces us to question whether we’re merely going through the motions or truly moving with purpose.

For healthcare professionals, middle age is a good time to embrace the Stoic idea of prohairesis—the power to choose. By your mid-30s, the tough days of exams, sleepless nights, and training are behind you. Now it's time to focus on what truly matters. Take Dr. Atul Gawande, for example. He wrote Complications at 37 and then shifted to changing healthcare systems. The Stoics also talk about amor fati—accepting life's changes. As Marcus Aurelius (121-180 CE) wrote, “You have power over your mind—not outside events.” For healthcare professionals, this means viewing daily challenges as part of the journey, not barriers. We all know someone who, after burning out by saying yes to everything, learned to set limits, finding peace and productivity. So, are you still saying yes to everything, or have you learned to say “no” to what doesn't matter?

Middle age gives you the opportunity to live the Stoic idea of eudaimonia—a good life led by reason. For instance if you are a healthcare professional, after years of high-pressure work, you might find yourself shifting from direct patient care to roles in public health or administration. Instead of juggling countless individual cases, your experience allows you maybe working "on" the system rather than "in" it. It’s like moving from putting out fires every day to designing better, fireproof systems. It is all about focus. As Epictetus (501-135 CE) said, “Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants.” Now, you can focus on fewer but more meaningful pursuits. So, have you transitioned from “doing it all” to focusing on what matters most to you?

In closing, middle age, which often begins in the 40s, is a time to focus on what truly matters. For healthcare professionals, it’s an opportunity to pause and reassess: are we still juggling everything, or have we learned how to fix the problems? Carl Jung (1875–1961) once said, “Life really begins at forty. Up until then, you are just doing research.” After all that “research,” middle age isn’t about slowing down—it’s about cutting out the noise, ideally with a bit of humor. Stoic ideas like memento mori (remember life’s limits) and prohairesis (the power to choose) may help make these years better. In other words, if youth is like a road trip, cramming in every sight and snack wherever, middle age is like flying—packing only the essentials to go much further.

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this essay are mine alone and don’t represent those of any individuals, employers, or organizations I’m associated with. Studying Stoicism and other philosophies is a personal hobby that I pursue in my own time to improve my thinking. I’m not a professional writer or illustrator, so I’ve used some online tools to help express my thoughts more clearly. My goal is simply to share ideas, not to impress. I don’t claim to be more knowledgeable than others—we’re all figuring things out on our own. If you have thoughts on how Stoicism applies to everyday life, I’d love to hear from you via LinkedIn. If you found this essay useful, feel free to share it with others.