Sunday Musings … *Hotel California* ….

Nearly 8 months of sitting by the window, watching the grass grow, get stomped on, dry up and come alive again from 100 metres away is indeed a delightful & fascinating way to live happily. 

Even the traffic on the otherwise very busy expressway on the otherside had come to a near standstill to give me that pleasure. But now, as the traffic returned to its noisy self – I wanted to explore if the grass was greener someplace else.

“We are hiring, Walk-In Placement”; a rare announcement these days … It was for a F&B position in “Hotel California”; everybody knows I can “Fib & BS” my way in most situations.

Letting no grass grow under my feet , I was there within the hour and quickly ushered in.

The Hiring Manager was informed. She was wearing a grass-hopper colour dress. May be my eyes were seeing green $$. “Welcome to the Hotel California” played on loop in the background. Very inviting and comforting place. Whatever. This was going to be the place I would be spending the rest of my working life anyway. Better start liking it. Or so, I thought.

She gave a quick glance at the proferred CV. “We need intelligent people here”, she said. To her unseeing eys, I probably looked daft.  “I have done a course in Artificial Intelligence (AI), read about Business Intelligence (BI), use Cognitive Intelligence (CI), understand Emotional Intelligence (EI), have contacts in Financial Institutions (FI), know many GI veterans, always say ‘HI” to strangers, once considered but passed over by MI (Military Intelligence), once a member of Nautical Institute (NI),  can recite 30 decimals of *Pi* (PI) backwards, can say “Si” (Yes) in Spanish”, and then the Trump card, which I thought I would never have to use;  I am the “Xi” in Statistics”, I concluded, somewhat breathless. She lifted one arched eye brow. Please explain, she commanded.

I sat up eagerly to explain, much like the Teacher’s pet in front row of the class in Class 5. 

“Xi usually refers to an observation or a value in statistics. It is the i'th observation. If there were 10 observations, X5 refers to the fifth observation. In general, Xi refers to the ith observation where “i” may range from 1 to 10 in this case”, it rolled off my tongue, much to my own surprise, rather silky smooth. A sure fire answer to the perennial “why should we hire you” stakes in a job interview, I told my inner and very intelligent (VI), self.

My years of experience in F&B, (“Fib & BS..”) was on full display at “Hotel C…”; the long queue of job seekers outside were tired of stomping their feet to the looped music. 

The HM (Hiring manager, now looking like an Head Mistress), was turning decidedly green. My eyes weren’t mistaken this time. “You are Over qualified (OQ) ”, she declared somewhat Piqued (PQ), without any Emotional Quotient (EQ) whatsoever. Ever the gent, I said a cheerful ”Thank You (TQ)” as I was shown the door. I trudged back out, mouth unfeelingly singing along, feet unconsciously going this way & that; The queue outside had gotten longer. 

Pulled out the Newspaper. “Singapore Airlines (SQ) to serve airline gourmet food in a parked Airbus 380”, read the headline. As the excitement of landing a job at the famous “Hotel California” evaporated in thin air, my stomach, mind and body needed to a lift up; 

I signed up and headed to Changi. Signed up for the uplifting lunch. A sarong kabaya clad, well groomed SQ Air Stewardess came up, hair tied in a neat bun, lipstick the right shade of red and the exact number of reddish teeth smiling as per the SQ SOP… I finally began to understand what is “intelligence” in F&B.

But back to the front of the Airbus. I could see the galley …

“What will you have for lunch?, Sir”, she asked, ever so sweetly.

Good times are a’coming … even if it is on a parked Airbus380.

My spirit was Concorde (conquered or CQ, I mean)….

*…Beer & Biryani…*