The Sun on Your Face Feels Good But Your Shadows Lurk Behind You: How leaders unconsciously make a mess at work

As many organizations, institutions, and companies wrestle with their ways of working post-COVID, and with the foreseeable economic volatility, anxieties are produced throughout all members of the organization and society at large. Many companies are demanding more from their people without any extra compensation or elevation in title. Knowledge workers are starting to sense that perhaps they aren’t working from home anymore but living at work. Many people may be questioning their decisions from recent years; questions about career changes, personal values, commitments (e.g., more family time), and where to live are all very common struggles. Leaders are questioning things, too, and the latest rounds of “managed attrition” to protect profits is most often a clear signal that we’re not all in this together. No wonder we’re seeing high levels of disengagement, quiet quitting, and a period of massive resignations. All these tangled up events cause leaders to unconsciously make a mess at work. Below I outline three ways this may happen and what leaders (i.e., you) can do about it.

Poison the Healthy

How do you feel when you, as a leader, experience your team performing great, accomplishing goals, delivering results, and enjoying the work? Think about that for a second and let it sink in. Where do you feel it in your body? Spend the next 60 seconds reflecting and staying with this feeling.

Most of you will likely experience this in a very positive way. You may feel warmth in your chest and may even find yourself smiling a little.

Now… I want you to change one thing in the way you’ve framed this in your mind’s eye. All the above is still true – the only difference is that you’re not involved. You’ve been too busy or distracted and your team is doing these great things all by themselves. In fact, they’ve exceeded all expectations and not once sought out your counsel or direction.

Now… how does this feel? Where do you feel it in your body? Do you notice different or more complex feelings? Some of you may feel anger, loneliness, vulnerability, and even fear. That’s okay, and I would argue it’s perfectly reasonable and natural.

My point in all this is sometimes leaders see things going too well and feel the need to intervene – in essence, adding poison to a healthy process. Of course, there’s always a perfectly rational reason to intervene, ask questions, ask for updates, and change direction. But how much of that is deliberate and good for the team rather than an unconscious response? If we as leaders see things going a little too well without us, we may have subtle, unconscious triggers about our belonging and our role identity. Consequently, we feel the need to make a mess to soothe our anxiety. After all, a poor-performing team will need a good leader, right?

Another aspect of this that has a different underlying motivation starts with chaos and ambiguity. Many executives and leaders perform well “in the fire,” in chaos, and keep a steady hand in the face of ambiguity. It’s truly what makes them great at what they do. They know and feel it when they're in that place – the next “key” negotiation, the next big contract, the crisis, the next merger, etc. The problem arises when that next big thing isn’t there, or there is no fire to put out. Leaders may see some emerging problems, but unconsciously let them go too long so that chaos ensues, and they can fully utilize their gifts. Who doesn’t love doing something they're good at?

Both above examples depict situations in which shadows have gone unchecked where we cannot see them. Perhaps it’s time to shine a little light in those darker places.

Identity Spilling Out Everywhere

Every one of us has a hidden identity or some part of ourselves we fear will be rejected or judged. We also do this at the “group” level, too, meaning that groups have parts they tend to hide or conceal.

As we plunged into virtual work for 2020 and 2021, most workers found it hard to connect and feel a part of the team or the company. Where has that left us at this moment in time? My hypothesis is that as companies become more of a hybrid working model, groups (i.e., functions, business units, teams) have become more insular due to less interactions and opportunities to build trust. Less trust and interactions beyond our immediate group can produce an “us and them” mentality which naturally leads to competition. Groups are competing for uniqueness within the broader company and holding the tension between wanting to connect with others while at the same time feeling a need to compete.

Where this could cause noticeable issues is when we bring these groups back together in the office. Individuals and groups are struggling with sharing their newly found identities (e.g., ways of working, norms, dress code, etc.). In some cases, people may have felt comfortable sharing identities such as their sexual affection, disability, childcare needs, or veteran status with the team, but not with the larger group.

You may be thinking, “Yeah, but that’s okay, and it’s the group’s or individual’s choice to share these things.” I agree with this. I also know that the observed behaviors may be puzzling without all the pieces. I see leaders all the time thinking that someone isn’t “carrying their weight” because someone can’t make a certain meeting, doesn’t stay online later, or needs lead time for travel. You never know what identity or life circumstance may be causing this. These are the identities spilling over, and these assumptions could cause issues. Are we willing to accept the new norms and identities of groups and individuals? How much complexity can we as leaders tolerate?

Inexperience Is the Tastiest Bait

Inexperienced people in your field need time to learn and grow. In some cases, the leader can give a lot of answers which may be appropriate for certain times in a project or evolution of a team. However, too much leadership direction can weaken a team and ultimately put the leader on the chopping block.

For example, a “smarty pants” leader takes over a new team or project. The inexperienced team members may enjoy the relief of working with someone who knows what they're doing. They get to offload their anxiety of not knowing onto the leader, and the leader gladly accepts the power in return. The leader benefits, too. The ego is basking in the glow of all the praise and adoration with having all the answers, much like the sun warming us up on a cool morning.

But then, at some point in the journey, something happens – a twist, a new direction, a market disruption – and the leader doesn’t have the answer. The leader needs their team to work through it, but the leader has created a dependency model. The team doesn’t want their anxiety back because they’re comfortable, and sometimes they literally cannot think for themselves because they have unconsciously limited their own intellectual capacity. The team comes to resent the leader for not providing clarity or knowledge, and ultimately, they’ll seek to remove the leader overtly or covertly. What once seemed to be the savior has now become the scapegoat. The higherups will start to see the evidence and say, “That leader had a good run, but just didn’t gel with the team in the long run,” so they find the next “smarty pants” leader and roll the dice again.

If you have personally experienced exile from your team, perhaps it’s because you knew too much. Don’t take the bait next time!

Cast Light on Your Shadows

So, what can you do about all this? How does one go about making the unconscious conscious? I wish I had a fourstep program for you to go through during your lunch break so you can arrive at total enlightenment and awareness by dinner. The truth is, you’ll never reach this destination. But you can get a little closer than you are today. I do have a fourphased, 16-week program, but that’s out of scope for this discussion. Maybe another time.

Here’s what you can do today:

Reflection and self-awareness are key. Self-awareness is one of the few things that empirically shows a correlation with effective leadership. Self-awareness is obtained via several means, but it ultimately comes down to reflecting on your own actions.

Ask yourself:

·??????What were the motivators?

·??????What was your intention?

·??????What feelings did you experience?

·??????Are you satisfied with the results?

·??????What changes do you want to make?

This is not easy work, and it’s difficult to see your own patterns. A coach or trusted friend can provide a perspective and give you insights. Find someone who gives you a brush and palette rather than showing you their painting – then blaze your own path.

Learn about others, let others learn, and plan to learn. This one is pretty simple. Be curious about people on your team: who they are, their identities, their professional and personal interests, etc. Get to know your team.

Let them learn and make mistakes. You as a leader create the boundaries and then let your people explore and learn. Your job isn’t to keep them “mistake free” – your job is to develop the next level of leaders. I believe letting people explore, experiment, and try new things within boundaries is the best way to let people learn and develop.

Make a plan to learn. What are you exploring, experimenting with, or trying that is new or innovative? This doesn’t just happen. Don’t settle for some learning path that HR has set out for you. Take ownership of your own learning and apply that learning

Put the sun on your back. The sun on your back keeps those shadows front and center. The previous points will help, but they require you to take action. Know where the sun is and actively position yourself to see the shadows. The shadows we continue to keep behind us only grow into monsters that eventually overtake us. A personality assessment and debrief with a coach such as the Hogan Leadership Forecast Series may be a good place to start.

As a leader in an organization, your power and authority come from two primary sources: the organization and the people you lead. Without people, there is no leader. A self-aware leader is one who knows where the sun is and knows where the shadows are casted.

This article was originally posted in an internal company magazine the thoughts and opinions are the author’s only and in no way reflect the perspective of Accenture.

About the author:

Charles Newnam is management consultant executive specializing in leadership and culture, the chairman and co-founder of a thriving veteran focused non-profit, VEL Institute, and a former US Navy submarine officer. Charles holds a B.S. in Electrical Engineering, a Master of Business Administration from UNC’s Kenan-Flagler Business School and a Master of Arts in Organizational Psychology from Columbia University. Charles enjoys exploring his own physical and mental limits through endurance sports. He continues to travel his own path while continuing a love filled life of service to others.