That summer feeling

It’s quiet here today. A little too quiet for my liking.

I’m an introvert. I enjoy some solitary time to recharge, but I’m also a social creature who enjoys smiles, laughs, a good hug, and, yes, a good cry, together.

I’m also a traveler. As much as I enjoy being home working on my creative endeavors, and making improvements to my home, I love to get away for an adventure.

For the last few years, when summer rolls around, I’ve found myself immersed with friends and family, sometimes family by blood, mostly, the family of my choosing.

I’ve spent time in Arizona, Boston, and Connecticut. I’ve made road trips across the country with stops in Zion National Park, Kansas, and St. Louis. I’ve had early mornings in the Rocky Mountains, and late nights, in New York City, telling stories and laughing, with great company, great food, and a soundtrack to sing along. I’ve been from Hell’s Kitchen to Angel’s Landing and everywhere in between.

But, some of the most memorable moments, have been my times with the boys in Maine. The schedule is always packed whether it’s a road trip to the Bronx Zoo, a hike up Mt. Pisgah, or simply a day at the beach, it’s always an experience. It’s fascinating to see how they process, react, embrace, and even reject my choices. They learn, change, and grow, and I learn, change, and grow with them. This is selfishly as much for me, as it is for them. I take in every moment of it, even when they’re being turds.

This year is different. I had a mostly full schedule, including multiple trips, all set, very early on. In February, I was looking forward to so much. By the time April was here, most of it was canceled, or, at best, a question mark.

These adventures get me out of my head and help me to appreciate other people and their experiences. They stir up my creative juices. They motivate me to strive to improve my life, to think better, of myself, to be healthy, in both my body, and mind. They fill me with joy and love, and inspire me to share that joy, and that love.

Instead, these past months, I found myself struggling to stay afloat, stuck in a negative loop, on repeat, in my head, drinking too much and not eating well, and feeling very much alone.

Needless to say, I was very much giddy when a friend came to visit last weekend with her kids. I played with kids, in the pool. I had grown up conversation, over a bottle of wine, by the fire. We ate well, listened to good music, and even went on an adventure in the National Park.

I got out of my head, found myself wanting to feed only healthy food into my body and positive thoughts, into my mind.

Among so many fun moments, the girls made this boat, almost entirely on their own. It floats! I was pleased to see the creative gears turning in their brains.

They were learning, changing, and growing, and so was I.

Things felt normal for a few days. My home felt so alive. I smiled more than I had in months. I took it all in, made sure to be grateful for it all, even when the kids were being turds. I didn’t want it to end.

I’m missing all of it today... my friend, the kids, the energy, the feeling.

I’m really hoping we can make it happen again soon. Whether it’s all of us, or just the grownups, here, there, or on an adventure.

We might just be able to salvage that summer feeling yet.