Summer Edition #5

Giving feedback (to defensive people)

I was asked by a client at one point last year, “Do you think there’s any hope for us?”

He was feeling dismayed by some repeated behavioural patterns that had left him feeling dismissed and, at times, undermined. My response was that 90% of leadership teams CAN overcome behavioural blockers, if they give ‘in the moment’ behavioural feedback.

I recommended he try the PEAR approach:

Present - An objective observation of fact (“Your questions in our meetings indicate that you aren’t pre-reading papers”)

Effect - An objective statement of consequence (“This means we spend time back-filling context which benefits only you. The rest of us switch off while that’s happening”)

Alternative - One or more alternatives to the present behaviour (“Can you commit to the pre-reading? Or, if it’s an issue for others too, could we use Amazon’s model of providing reading time in meetings?)

Result - A significant benefit to the person concerned (“If you made this change, your contributions are likely to carry more weight”)

Style of delivery is key. Timing is important. And, rapport is needed. Even then, assume that you will see defensive reactions: justification, blame, acquiescence (false agreement) and even attack.

Now, the problem with using any strategy (including PEAR) is that you’ll sometimes get a defensive reaction. Here are the most common:

- Deny: “No, that’s not what happened at all”

- Blame: “Yes, but it wasn’t my fault because . . .”

- Justify: “Yes, but the reason for that was . . .”

- Compare: “Yes, but I’m sure I’m not the only one who . . .”

- Attack: “It’s YOUR fault for being so [INSERT COUNTER-CRITICISM]”

Have you EVER done any of the above? Of course you have. We all have. I’m particularly good at justification. The reason we become expert at these is because they work for us. In other words, people leave us alone, and drop the criticism.

My solution then is to NOT drop it, but to Reflect (their message) and Return (to PEAR):

1. Reflect: “So what you’re saying is [INSERT DEFENSIVE RESPONSE]”

2. Return: “Given that, can we agree on [INSERT EFFECTS]” or “Given that, what could we do to [INSERT ALTERNATIVES"]” or “Given that, how could we best [INSERT RESULT]?”

I find that 80% of people respond well to PEAR alone. Of the 20% remaining, 80% will respond well to Reflect & Return. As always, it presumes decent rapport, timing and tone.

Question: How would using PEAR improve the quality of feedback in your organisation?

Radical honesty

Here in Melbourne, last year’s continuous lockdowns created challenges for many of us: getting work done while home-schooling, changing priorities on the hop with customers or clients, the endless rescheduling and asking, “Will we postpone, or go digital?”, and the isolation and solitude.

In my family, we’ve had tears (yes, mine too), over some of the above. And, the frustration has led us to have some radically honest conversations. About our experience. About our expectations. And, about what we ask of each other. It hasn’t always been easy but, when we’ve done it (imperfectly, I might add), it’s been very worthwhile.

I notice the same trend with radical honesty in the organisations I work with.

Those doing well in these difficult times have leaders who speak openly, and authentically, about their vulnerabilities and disappointments, their desire to control and their fear they can’t, their admission of mistakes and failures, and their frustration of simply ‘not knowing’. Of course, they’re still getting on with business and, for those who do practice radical honesty, they’re getting on better than most.

Question: What have you noticed is hard for your colleagues to speak about, frankly and honestly?

Adults only

The absolute worst values statements in organisations are the “Big 4”: respect, integrity, collaboration and innovation. Have you ever seen these before? I thought so.

That’s what makes them bad. They’re not ‘sticky’, they don’t differentiate you, they probably don’t even translate to behaviours that predict the success of your business. Instead, I advocate a creative process that takes contributions both top down (board + executive) and bottom up (staff + customers) and works backwards from an organisation’s purpose, role and strategic directions.

I was discussing values design with a CEO client who told me something surprising: “I can see that makes sense to other organisations, Andrew. But we only have one value here”.

He said, "My teams agreed long ago that we only needed one: “Adults work here”.

He explained that when everyone treats everyone else — colleagues and customers — like a grown-up, without the infantilising effects of timesheets, codes of conduct, grievance procedures and the like, people just treat everyone the way they want to be treated. To sort out issues, he said, “We just ask, “What would an adult do?”

Question: What should adults do in your business?

I’m on holiday until January 26th, so the above are a ‘summer edition’ of past 5 Minute Strategic Mindset segments that have been popular with readers. I look forward to being back with you shortly, however, if you’ve enjoyed reading, please click the ‘heart’ so it keeps the 5MSM pulse beating.

See you next Friday morning,

Andrew