The Sum of Five

If you hang out with chickens, you’re going to cluck; and if you hang out with eagles, you’re going to fly” Steve Maraboli

Think. Who are the people you normally associate 80% of your time with? Apparently, there is a common association between how far you can get ahead in life and the company you keep. It simply boils down to this.

You are the average sum of the five people you mostly associate with.

Let me explain. The 5 people you spend most of your time with, will determine if you will “make it or break it” in life. Heard the aged old advice, judge a man by the company he keeps?

In fact, Aristotle, the ancient Greek philosopher, embodied a concept that he preached to others. He insisted that in order to be truly great, you must have three essential people in your life at all times.

1.      A person who is older and more successful than you to learn from

2.      A person who is equal to you to exchange ideas with

3.      A person below you to coach and keep you energized

In his lifetime, he was constantly challenging himself and working towards exchanging ideas with other philosophers, learning from his mentor Plato and taught a young boy Alexander, who later on became the famous conqueror “Alexander the Great”. The rest is history as we all know it.

So, it is important not to underestimate the effects of negative, pessimistic, limited and disorganized people you surround yourself with. And believe me, they have an effect. If it is not to make you rise to your ambitions, they will help you get weaker in your resolve. My term for such associations are “energy vampires” who have a limited mindset towards how far one can go. If you try to bring change, they have excuses for everything. The key is to keep company with people who uplift you, and whose presence calls for your best.

Why am I talking about the company you keep? Hold that thought.

In one of the longest research ever done on happiness, by Harvard University researchers, spanning over 75 years, it was found that the common youth, usually feel happiness rests in becoming wealthy, gaining power, receiving titles and getting fame. However, in the same research it was found that lasting happiness was the sum of the number of good relationships you have and the quality of healthy relationships with family, friends and well-wishers. Nourishing, reciprocal relationships are not just good for happiness but overall well-being, both physical and emotional. People who were happier in relationships at age 50, lived to be healthier at age 80. Fascinating!

You could be spending more time with family, co-workers, managers or even the radio. But when I talk about your associations who pull you up, they could be anyone, dead or alive, and who do not necessarily know you, yet inspire you.

Frankly, I think even the most passionately driven person needs to surround himself with company that uplifts him or whose presence makes his resolve stronger. Like they say, “Stay away from negative people. They have a problem for every solution.” Could not be truer.

In other words, make sure everyone in your “boat” of life is rowing and not drilling holes when you are not looking. They will not only sink, but make sure you do too with them. Refine and define your circle. It takes you a long way up or down. But it will take you somewhere.

Now don’t get me wrong and start slashing people off your guest list. It is more to do with whom you connect with and learn from. Many have gone ahead in life by the sitting on the shoulders of the greats. Why reinvent the rules, when you can learn from the experiences and enthusiasm of others?

Sincere advice. Stop wasting time with the non-doers and invest in quality relationships that will give you the best returns on life.

• Be with the ones who help you climb. Not choke your dreams

As you climb the career , personal or social ladder, your associations change and so do your preferences. There are enough challenges at every curve of life, but one needs to be shown the light at the end of the tunnel. This is where your true circle plays a vital part. They must wish to see you rise, even if they do not go up ahead.

•  Never take counsel from the naysayers. They will swallow your passion whole.

Not everyone should have a right to speak up about your life. It is useless to discuss your problems with someone who is incapable of being part of the solution. One of the most foolish mistakes we can do, is to take advice from negative people. They will only bring you to the “reality” of how incapable you are and what a mistake it is to even try. Getting ahead in life is an interplay of die hard belief and calculated risks. It is understandable to seek the pat on the back in troubled times, but be careful from whom you seek this.

•    Don’t follow those in the comfort zone. You will end up going nowhere

You are judged by your actions and to keep company with those who do not feel the urge to challenge themselves, is simply inexcusable. The type of people you surround yourself with speaks volumes of you, yourself. Push yourself to be around the ones who challenge you, raise you, lift your spirits and help you navigate your way to your vision. They are the ones who can listen and are a part of your struggle.

• Be with those who you invest time in. Not just spend it.

I believe it is better to be alone than in the wrong company. If you can tolerate being mediocre, you will do the same with those around you. Try and find a group that is all about pushing limits and gaining knowledge. At the end of the day, you must realize that time is precious and once spent, can never be returned. Invest your allotted time with the ones who help you believe again. Have patience. They are there. And they are seeking others, like you, yourself.

• Be impatient with energy vampires.

I do feel, I am patient as a person, but if there is something that is intolerable to me, it is a negative mindset. It is what I call a “dense zone” which like a black hole, sucks in any kind of new age thinking or dreaming about possibilities. Their sole mission is to make you dull in your vision and get a kick out of making you see how some are only destined to succeed- of course you not part of that selected party. Disassociate from such beings and simply. Run!

At the end of the day, healthy, fortified and quality relationships are far superior to the amount of money stacked under your name. It is this very support system that minimizes our fears, empowers us and propels us to take needed action. Before life passes us by.

Your associations should make you think beyond and help you find yourself, instead of pulling you down. Reminds me of a story I read recently.

One day, a professor entered his classroom and asked his students to prepare for a surprise test. They all waited anxiously at their desks for the exam to begin. The professor handed out the exams with the text facing down, as usual. Once he handed them all out, he asked the students to turn over the papers.

To everyone’s surprise, there were no questions–just a black dot in the center of the paper. The professor, seeing the expression on everyone’s faces, told them the following: “I want you to write about what you see there.” The students, confused, got started on the inexplicable task.

At the end of the class, the professor took all the exams, and started reading each one of them out loud in front of all the students.

All of them, with no exception, defined the black dot, trying to explain its position in the center of the sheet. After all had been read, the classroom silent, the professor started to explain:

“I’m not going to grade you on this, I just wanted to give you something to think about. No one wrote about the white part of the paper. Everyone focused on the black dot – and the same thing happens in our lives. However, we insist on focusing only on the black dot – the health issues that bother us, the lack of money, the complicated relationship with a family member, the disappointment with a friend. The dark spots are very small when compared to everything we have in our lives, but they are the ones that pollute our minds. Take your the eyes away from the black dots in your lives. Enjoy each one of your blessings, each moment that life gives you. “

Nurture the company you keep and be wise about it. They should be the ones making you think beyond the black dot on the canvas of your special and beautiful life.

 I leave you with a thoughtful quote from Steve Jobs, which is so apt here.

“Surround yourself with the dreamers and the doers, the believers and the thinkers, but most of all surround yourself with those who see greatness within, even when you don’t see it yourself”