The suitable level of truth telling in interviews ??????

In my program I teach about congruency.??

Congruence means that your outside words match how you feel on the inside.?

Because when they don’t people can tell, and it causes them to distrust you.

It’s like a sixth sense we all have, you know like when someone says “I’m fine” but their face says otherwise…??

My new client had just left a toxic workplace and she was having trouble answering the following question congruently:?

“Why did you leave your last job?”?

Her truly congruent answer felt to her like she shouldn’t say it:?

She said: “I don’t think honesty will work here because the truth is that I hated it and they treated me badly, undervalued me and I didn’t want to be there anymore.?

I said AH! YES.? That would be a congruent answer!?

AND there’s a good reason it feels weird to say that out loud to people you’re just meeting for the first time!

You see when we are interviewing, we need to be like our own ethical PR person.?

We need to create an answer that STILL FEELS Congruent and is 100% Truth but isn’t so direct that it feels weird to share with someone you’re just meeting for the first time.?

For example:

For those of you who know me, you know I left a toxic relationship with a narcissist about 4 years ago now.?

And when I went on first dates and the conversation about our exes came up (I’m not opposed to talking about your ex on a first date, I think it says a lot how someone talks about this)?

When the discussion about our exes came up I didn’t give the totally raw real truth right away.?

But I did give a truth that felt JUST AS real, and right for that level of relationship (a first meeting).?

So instead of telling the truth I might share with my best friend who I’ve known for years..?

“He was a horrible toxic narcissist, never respected me as a human, constantly put me down and demanded more and more from me but it was never enough…? I finally saw this and got the balls to leave”

WHICH IS 100% TRUTH BTW.?

Instead, I would say: “I outgrew the relationship, I realized there was no longer anything for me there and it became clear I had outgrown our dynamic. I felt in my heart it was time for me to move on”?

WHICH IS ALSO 1000% Congruent truth. - But better suited for a first meeting.?

So Just like on a first date, you may not want to tell them the raw honest truth in such a direct way. (Which you’d be right to feel weird about doing)...?

I do talk freely openly about my ex with my current partner now and I have told him about the narcissistic neglect and emotional abuse now…?

Now that we’ve been together a while and he knows me it’s ok to share things on a new level.?

Just like when you’ve already been hired in a role and you want to talk to your co-worker who you’ve worked with for a few months about your previous toxic workplace over a coffee that would be very different (of course use your own judgment)...?

But the difference between the levels of the relationship is important.?

There are certain insights you may feel comfortable sharing with someone you have known for a while and have built some trust with.

That you wouldn’t feel comfortable (and shouldn’t) feel comfortable sharing with someone you just met.?

Because they haven’t earned that truth from you yet, and you get to discern who you will trust with it if anyone.?

Cool thing:?

Both options can still be 100% congruent.?

And there is ALWAYS a way to find an answer that BOTH Feels congruent for you AND gives them truthful information!?

It’s nuanced.?

But when you land on a way to explain something that feels 100% Truthful AND congruent.

That’s your winner-winner chicken dinner.

And if you’re feeling weird about telling or sharing something, then you have to either not share it yet, or find a way to share it that DOES work for you in that level of relationship.

I can help you with both of these things.

That’s what in my opinion a good coach does.?

Helps you to find answers that feel aligned and congruent for you.?

I’ve reframed countless experiences that were traumatic and ego bruising for a client, into answers that felt congruent but didn’t feel weird to say.?

If there’s healing to do we gotta do that first.

I’m holding a Webinar next week on the 6 concrete tools that get offers! Do you want to join?

Hint Congruence is one of the tools!?

I’ll be going through the different tools to approach your career that have made a direct difference for people I’ve worked with and I’ll be providing concrete examples!?

Join us here!

I’ll see you there!?