A Suit and a Tie - The Masks We Wear

“I can’t believe my boss said this to me”

“I have done so much for this company and this is how they repay me?”

“My manager is a dumbass, highly partial, racist person”

“I can easily replace my manager, she doesn’t do anything"

Why do we do this? There are MANY other forms of these victim type statements that we repeat over and over again, specifically when we face serious issues at work. 

Why do we engage in this kind of self sabotaging (yes, even when we are talking about others, we are harming ourselves massively)? 

Why, our carefully constructed ideas of self-worth, values and control on our lives fall apart at the slightest provocation?  

Is it because we set fairly high standards for other’s behaviours at work place and low for ourselves?  

Or is it because we are surrounded by managers who take some kind of sadistic pleasure on torturing us?  

Or is it because we absolutely suck at assessing our peers and managers – despite sometimes spending YEARS with them?

Why we suck at handling failures and setbacks at the work place?  

While there are MANY reasons, I want to uncover the one that I have personally indulged in for years. 

The crux of that is,

The organisational set up most of us work in, has a “fit-in” culture rather than “be-yourself” ideology. 

When we start work, at a young age, we are filled with the promises and are really passionate. #Joining ‘that one company’ and working there is a dream come true. We want to really shine and the measurable outcome is usually in form of recognitions by all, great appraisal ratings and monetary benefits.

This continues till there is that inevitable screwup we all do. The reaction of peers and managers may not be as demeaning as we make it out to be. However the high standards, we hold ourselves to, often makes it look like lightening falling.  

And then there that dreaded time for an appraisal. The infamous bell curve is still very real in some very large organisations (To my simple mind, it IS stupid to continue to follow it – but I guess, known devil is better than unknown devil!). People are pitted against each other – their entire work is brought down to a single number and that impacts almost everything – promotion, type of projects, visibility, recognition and even relationships!

I remember when I joined Microsoft – it was a dream come true – got a great salary increase from previous job, fantastic role and great boss!  Yet, after the first year, there I was, whining about the low % increase in salary and how someone else who got more than me, didn’t really do as great a work as I did! And I have heard it repeated throughout my career by literally everyone who is unhappy with the rating, salary increases or just not being recognised adequately.

The stakes are so high!! No wonder majority of people going through that, just build up “good” reasons for why they didn’t get what they deserved.  

They look for clues in their conversation with their managers that somehow can make them feel that this was “not because of me not doing something”– and then latch on to that one word or one phrase that makes them feel better – even if this usually is a ruse by the manager to make the employee calm down!  

Most manager suck at appraisals and would say anything to get out of an uncomfortable situation!

I know what I am saying is hard.  I also know that this won’t be true in 100% cases – but the exception here is more of a norm than a true exception.

What happens is the dampening of that enthusiasm, the feeling of betrayal and the worst– looking at “successful” people and deciding to emulate their behaviour. 

This “what it takes to be successful in an organization” is a beast that has a billion looks and it has different definition for each one of us!  This becomes a very damaging cultural element in large organisations with really archaic policies and where the org culture is not owned up by every single person – but is considered to be something driven by HR or senior leadership, 

For an individual – with a relatively simple life – this beast shows up as one-and-only-way to be successful.  The moment that realization sets in, we start to wear a mask.  And through the years, the dust keeps collecting, new masks keep piling.  And we see the world through these masks.  

No wonder the views become so distorted and frustrating! 

I know it – I did this for years. And I was not in minority.  Almost everyone around me had diametrically opposite lives at work and outside work. 

Very few people dare to bring their true self at work. 

There is this Suit and a Tie that ended up defining them.

What is the way out?

I have now done a sacrilege and deconstructed the organizational environment beyond normal!  There are probably several haters.  Yet the story here continues about WHAT does it ACTUALLY take to be successful in a corporate environment? 

It is ironic that the successful people we tend to emulate subconsciously, actually act in accordance with who they truly are.  Most of these amazingly driven individuals, who go out to achieve great things, are just being themselves.  

Really simple.  Hard but simple!

You may want to challenge it – so I want you to consider your best work so far.  

I bet that at the time, you were yourself.

I bet, the praise and recognition didn’t act as an INPUT to that work but was a very well-deserved OUTPUT

I bet, your drive didn’t include a side benefit of getting promoted if you worked hard! That may have been an awareness from the sides but wasn’t the driver

I bet you put in that best hour at that time, because you loved the work or the environment or something that connected you to whatever cause it was!

And yet, isn’t that opposite of how you mostly feel at work?

There are clear options here –

• We wear a mask – we gain things and we make that as the way to be. This approach creates monetary success, good positions/designations but creates massive conflicts within ourselves and hardly any satisfaction as we move from target to target – never knowing what eludes us and why there is seemingly a forward movement but everything is same!
• We act as ourselves - at times, the mask gets removed and we do some of our best work – and irrespective of the size, impact, $ amount, we feel truly satisfied! 

At this point, if you were to make a logical choice, you would choose no 2 above.  

Yet, take a step back and ask yourself, how many times have you actually done that in reality? 

A friend of mine has forever been at it – very successful, passionate guy, who does some awesome work when he acts as himself – yet his mask is so thick that even after a promotion he was seeking for 2 years, it did not really create any change in his outlook about his work place.

Continuing to wear the mask is a definite long-term failure.  You will make money – but you will only love every $ only if you do not wear a mask – and in most cases, make SIGNIFICANTLY more money. 

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Where do we go from here?

In the two scenarios, the first one is the infamous “Rat Race” that we all love to hate but indulge in, we want to get out of but rarely do!  And those of us who actually get out of it, pretty much get disillusioned with our industry and quit.

You do not have to do that.  

You could easily switch gears, if you focus inward and be yourself – It will be hard as hell but I promise you, it will no longer feel like you are part of the Rat Race.

A genius is the person who has original ideas and thoughts. Each one of us have that unique gift and ability to look at things from a completely different angle and perspective. 

Hiding it because of being worried about whether this will fit or whether someone else will appreciate it, is akin to killing your genius.  

Focusing on being yourself and letting all the troublesome wind pass you, while you cement it, would mean you are honing your skills at being your personal best.

This does need courage – not to take a hard stand but the courage to look yourself in the mirror and deciding what you want for yourself in your work environment. 

This will get you back in touch with that young boy, who had big dreams, ideas and energy to make it all a reality.

Stop wearing a suit and a tie, if it is not who you are!

PM me if you feel you can connect with this and you would like to find out how you can fast forward your success.