Suicide in Men has to F*cking STOP!

Losing someone to suicide is something no one should ever have to experience. It’s a gut-wrenching feeling that shakes you to your core, leaving you with questions that may never have answers. But one thing I have realised, in the aftermath of losing a friend and ex-colleague to suicide just over a week ago, is that the importance of talking about mental health and seeking help cannot be overstated, especially for men.

We often hear the phrase "It's okay to not be okay," but for many men, especially in the UK, admitting vulnerability or asking for help can feel like a sign of weakness. Like many that knew him now left with confusion and grief, it’s something I wish I had been able to address before it was too late. Now, as we process this loss, I feel compelled to share my experience and offer some guidance for others who may be silently struggling, so that no one else has to feel as alone and scared as my friend must have done in his final hours.

There is an unfortunate trend where men, particularly those in their 20s to 50s, are disproportionately affected by suicide. According to the Office for National Statistics (ONS), men are three times more likely to die by suicide than women, and it’s a problem that spans across all socioeconomic groups. Yet, despite these figures, the topic of male mental health is still surrounded by silence.

It’s easy to dismiss a man’s struggles as just “a phase” or “something he’ll get over.” But the reality is that many men are bottling up emotions, avoiding seeking help, and struggling in silence, often because they feel pressure to meet traditional notions of masculinity: strong, stoic, and self-reliant.

I would describe my friend as ‘Tigger’ the character from Winnie the Pooh, as he always had a bounce in his step, and an infectious positive aura about him. He was always the type to look after others and found compassion and kindness for those that others couldn’t. We served together for many years and he was one of the only people that could bring others back from the ‘edge’ of whatever crisis they were facing – but no one, including myself saw then, nor recently, the mask that he was wearing that was hiding the potential struggle beneath.

As men it is crucial for us to talk openly about mental health, not just as a way of expressing emotion, but as a means of survival. I wish I had had that opportunity to have those deeper conversations with him—asking how he really felt, encouraging him to reach out for support, and reassuring him that it was okay to be vulnerable.

One of the most important things that can be done is to break this silence and reach out to friends, family, or professionals when you feel like something isn’t right.

But beyond just talking, it's essential to create an environment whereby men feel comfortable seeking professional help. Therapy, counselling, and other forms of support shouldn’t be seen as last resorts but as essential tools for maintaining mental health. And if someone isn’t ready to speak to a therapist or GP, there are many organisations that offer anonymous, non-judgemental support.

UK Organisations That Can Help

If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health, there are several incredible organisations in the UK that provide support and guidance:

• The Samaritans (116 123) The Samaritans provide confidential support for anyone who is struggling to cope, 24/7. Whether you need someone to talk to or if you are worried about a loved one, they offer a safe, non-judgemental space. It’s free to call, and you don’t need to be in crisis to reach out. Their helpline is available to men in particular who might find it difficult to open up about their feelings.
• CALM (0800 58 58 58) The Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) is a charity dedicated to tackling male suicide. Their helpline is open from 5pm to midnight, and they offer support for men struggling with a range of mental health issues. They also run campaigns aimed at encouraging men to talk and seek help.
• Mind (0300 123 3393) Mind is a mental health charity that offers advice and support for anyone experiencing a mental health problem. They provide information on everything from how to find therapy to what to do if you're feeling suicidal. Their support lines and website are full of useful resources for men who might be feeling isolated.
• Papyrus (0800 068 41 41) Papyrus is a UK charity dedicated to preventing young suicide. They offer a confidential helpline for anyone under 35 who is struggling with thoughts of suicide, or for anyone worried about someone they know. Their website also provides information on how to support someone at risk of suicide.

The loss of a friend to suicide is an unimaginable tragedy, and has reiterated the importance of being proactive about mental health. No one should feel like their life isn’t worth living, and no one should have to struggle in silence.

As men, it’s critical that we challenge the old-fashioned stereotypes about what it means to be a man and embrace the idea that vulnerability isn’t a weakness — it’s a strength. By seeking help and encouraging others to do the same, we can prevent more tragedies and create a culture where mental health is prioritised and supported.

If you’re struggling, don’t be afraid to reach out.

And if you’re a friend, reach out now and don’t hesitate to listen. You might just save a life.

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