Suicidal : Fall from Grace or Leap of Faith

Carrying the remnants of broken dreams, and buried self-esteem. Battling every day to live with the rotten smell that arose from what died with-in. A bowing head to the mother’s dreams, fragments of hope desperately searching for a sparkle to light in the lifeless eyes. Shweta said “they have no right to die” almost yelling, her voice a bellowing echo to her and a meek whisper to them. She wanted to yell further, shake their suicidal tendency off them. She wanted to justify what she meant when she yelled, “Suicide is no solution”, her voice still a frail whisper. And like Neil Gaiman in his book ‘The Kindly Ones’ said, “They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying.” She realized she had no idea what to say to someone who’s dying.

Our education system taught us reading and contemplating textbooks yet paid no heed to tap into the limitless expanse of our minds. We were taught that failure is the pillar of success but we were never taught how to cope when we fail in our own eyes. We learned to balance sheets yet remained pitifully ignorant of how to balance our opinions about ourselves. We learned kick-starting our minds with new languages, exercises, and practices yet we never learned how to stop our minds when it became over-burdening. Living up to the expectations of the society on financial, behavioral, and professional terms we shaped our identity on societal norms.

When our identity starts witnessing conflicts due to unrealistic goals we get into the cycle of self-loathing. And this self-criticism gradually gets fueled to the extent where our minds failed to take it any further. With every embarrassment, we criticize ourselves a little more. And like an unhealthy peer group, our mind starts calling out on everything we do, the way we walk, the way we talk, our looks, our scars, every other thing that we’ve been insecure about. Eventually, the negative spiral of our thoughts becomes our comfort zone. Giving way to self-harm, hatred, irritation, we confide in our negative side more than our friend circle. A voice constantly telling us that it will never get better. And hence, with every passing day, every reason not to live, our dying insides eat up our dreams and aspirations. And when one day we feel the most like ending it all is the day when we reach the peak of our negative spiral.

With the ongoing conversations around mental health and its awareness, every one of us is trying to be of help. However, our ignorance on the topic is making us more prone to being arrogant than of any help. The need of the hour is empathy and kindness. Because no one wishes to die except for the people who are already dying. And it is important for us all to know that it is okay to not know what to say to someone who’s dying. But we must all know that anyone will choose a comforting shoulder to cry on than cold pillows to muffle their screams at night. Therefore, be kind to people who seem lost and clueless to you so that you will be a reason for them to believe in kindness and life.

After-all the hardest of days are the ones when we clutch to the very few reasons to see the next sunshine. The way may be long but will not tire us because the sky of stars, the Eiffel towers, the northern lights that our childhood self dreamt of will be waiting for us. Therefore, we must reach-out, meditate, and do the little things that are a source of happiness in our lives. We must take the leap of faith and take our baby steps towards healing. And when life brings us down again the story of our triumph will help us keep our head high. After all like it is said, “How cool is it that the same God who created sunsets, and oceans, and galaxies, thought the world needed one of you.”

Also help is just a phone call away with Dr. Umesh Wadhavani with an experience of over 8 years in mental health consultation.

To know more get in touch - Contact +91 8000001025

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Go to the vlog: https://youtu.be/Ktykd7IGucw