SUGGESTIONS FOR RESPONDING TO A CHILD IN CRISIS

The news of recent events may be impacting your child or one in your care, and it may be necessary for you to respond or support a child who is or has been impacted by the news or events going on.

This article is designed to give you some general information and ideas to intervene and support someone in need.

At the end of this article is a national hotline if someone needs immediate help.

Tips and suggestions:

If a child in your care is involved in or affected by a tragedy or other type of crisis, there are some general guidelines or suggestions that may help you to?better understand?and?respond?to the situation.

You should know your child?best, however, and should be?alert?to their individual?needs,?behaviors,?feelings, and?perceptions.

A crisis is?generally viewed?as a?temporary state?of emotional upset or disorganization.

It’s?characterized?by a person’s?inability?to?cope?with a particular event/situation using his/her?customary?(and?previously adequate) coping strategies and?problem-solving skills.

The?impact?on an individual?depends?on the event/situation?and?on how?that person?perceives it in relation to his/her life.

Crises offer an?opportunity?for significant learning and growth?if resolved?and integrated into a person’s life and functioning.

Make yourself available and?accessible?to the child if and when they?want?to talk. Be?flexible?and?responsive?to their needs.

Try to?maintain?as much of a?routine?and?sense?of “normalcy” as you can, but be?tolerant?of?temporary changes,?upsets, and?needs.

Do not?be too?demanding?or?structured, especially initially.

Communicate/demonstrate your?concern,?care,?support,?understanding, and?acceptance.

Do not be?judgmental?or use words like “should” or “must” with respect to their?feelings?and?behaviors.

By expressing yourself?openly?and?honestly?and displaying your?confidence?(i.e., that things will?improve, and that life will/must go on) and?your coping?ability, you can serve as a?key role model?for the child and?increase?the likelihood that he will?adopt?similar?behaviors?and?attitudes.

Listen?to the child when he wants to?talk?and try to communicate that?you understand?and?accept?what they have to say. If they?do not want?to talk,?do not?force discussion, but let them know that you are?willing to listen?whenever?the need or desire does arise.

Do not?assume that the child is?not reacting?or will not react?simply because?you do not?observe?an initial reaction.

Do not?try to?protect?or?isolate?the child from “threatening” topics or issues,?especially?those that they are?trying?or?need?to deal with in order to work through and learn from the crisis.

Be prepared?for and?allow?the expressions of a?variety?of?thoughts,?feelings,?perceptions, and?behaviors.

Everyone?reacts?differently?and if you are distraught or?uncomfortable?doing so then?you?would be likely to make the situation?worse?or cannot begin to?meet the needs?of others.

Do not?avoid topics or issues that others genuinely feel a?need?to discuss.

Don’t try?to protect others, change the subject,?force positive statements?or feelings, or show a?negative reaction?when?you?become uncomfortable with an issue.

Avoid trying?to make others?feel better?or to “rescue” them. Each person has to?resolve his/her?own difficulties at their?own pace.

Do not?expect everyone to “recover” within a certain time period.

Do not?assume that a person is reacting or hurting?just because?they do not?show it.?They may not be?ready?to express their feelings or seek help for a while after the crisis.

Do not?be too structured or?demanding. People?may not?be ready to do or discuss some things or may be very distracted and?unable?to concentrate.

Do not?expect?everyone?to see things in the?same way?or have the same?depth?of understanding.

Not only do people?differ, but also children and adolescents have?different?capacities?and?characteristics?at?different?ages and developmental levels.

Avoid?acting in a?condescending?manner and making?excessive special allowances?for, and granting special privileges to, certain individuals.

It is important that your child feels?their reactions?are?valid?and?acceptable. The child may express?shock,?numbness,?denial,?fear?(i.e., about the future, for their safety, or that of others),?grief,?anxiety,?confusion,?guilt,?anger, or other feelings of responsibility for what happened or how they reacted.

You may observe a lack of?concentration, lack of?interest?in usual activities and/or?preoccupation?with the events or his feelings and perceptions,?unusual dependency?and/or not wanting to be?alone,?sleeping?or?eating disturbances, and/or a?reluctance, or?excessive desire, to talk.

Most of these?will be?temporary?and should be viewed in relation to the child’s?normal emotions?and behaviors.

With more than one child, remember that they have their?differences?and that this likely will result in?different reactions,?behaviors,?feelings,?concerns, and?perceptions.

Also, remember that children at different ages and stages of development can be?vastly different?and may show various levels or degrees of?understanding,?adaptation,?problem-solving, and?coping ability.

Do not?be reluctant to respond differently to each of the children according to their?individual?needs and status.

Allow the child to be alone and have a quiet and private place to reflect and relax if that is what they?want, and?you feel?that is what is needed. If you are?concerned?about their?well-being?or?safety, however, do not allow them to be?completely alone?or?isolated?for?prolonged?periods of time.

If the?emotions?and?behaviors?that the child expresses and exhibits last?longer?than you feel are appropriate, are very much?out of character?for them, or?significantly?disrupt their ability to function,?seek advice?from a mental health professional.

ERR ON THE SIDE OF CAUTION AND IF YOU ARE CONCERNED AT ALL, SEEK ADVICE AND HELP.

Provide the child with?opportunities?to engage in?activities, especially if he seems to have?excess energy. Depending on?your judgment?and your?child’s status?and?needs, these activities could be directly related to the event/situation or could be?unrelated?and serve to get their mind off things.

Acting?sometimes serves?to?diminish?feelings and fosters a sense of?independence,?competence, and?coping.

For example, you could?encourage?the child to?send?condolences to the family of a deceased friend,?contribute?to a memorial fund,?do something?for a person in need,?return?to school or a job,?keep?or?schedule?a social activity, etc.

Do not?act?for?the child, however, since they?need?to assume responsibility for themselves.

If you or someone you know is in crisis contact:

The NAMI HelpLine can be reached Monday through Friday,

10 a.m. — 10 p.m., ET.

1–800–950-NAMI (6264) or?[email protected]