Successful professional, but not happy?

Are you successful but not fulfilled and happy?

Great job in a good company with  nice perks but not fulfilled?

If you answered yes, thank you for your honesty. I can certainly identify with you because for a long time I was what many might call successful but I was not totally fulfiled. I was an HR Director at 32 years old and had all the good perks etc. but I was knew that there was more to my life. Not until I was 37 did I do anything about it, but better late than never.

I was walking up the first hole of Millenium Lakes golf course on a weekday. I had the time as work had slowed down due to the economic crisis of 2008 and my company had frozen my salary and thankfully did not send me home. Good deal, I had a salary over $120K per year, a fully paid up Mercedes Benz from the company and work was slower than usual so I had time to play golf during the week.

But walking up the first hole it dawned to me that there was a whole lot more that I had to do in this world and at 37 I had a lot more years to give at a high level. I understand that for many people it would be a dream to relax at 37 with a $120K salary a fully paid up Benz and time to play golf in the middle of the week but I knew there was more.

I left that job in 2010 to start my consultancy and on my way back from my first consulting job in North Africa, I stopped off in London for a few days to catch up with some family and friends. I decided to peruse a book store and have some coffee. There I discovered a book on purpose and destiny and that absolutely changed my life forever.

I then realised that I had known my purpose for at least 10 years prior to this but did not know how to express it and to move from what I was doing then to where I really needed to be. No family, friend or co-worker could help me as they were not equipped to. I needed a coach and a mentor. Because I did not have who I needed to succed and I understand the massive difference it can make in someones happiness I have now dedicated my life to helping people discover their purpose and turn it into profitable businness/career without losing their financial security.

So if you are successful but not fulfilled, then you might have a challenge with the goals your are pursuing and/or the activities you are involved with.

[Orginal Article first published here]

Yes I am suggesting that it is virtually impossible to be successful and not happy and fulfilled if you pursue the right goals (purpose based) for you. You might be thinking that everyone has their own definition of success and that no one can judge anyone's success or happiness. I believe that everyone's definition of success should be different but for a very different reason than most people's reason for saying so.

Far to many times when we are not where we want to be in life, we change definitions to suit our individual situations and quite frankly make excuses. When we are not where we want to be in our financial life we change the definition of wealth to something like 'your health is your wealth', or we say 'if you have family you have wealth' or 'your children is your wealth' or 'money cannot buy you happiness'.

No! Your health is your 'health' and your wealth is your wealth.

Your family is your family and your wealth is your wealth.

Your children are your children and your wealth is your wealth.

When I consulted the dictionary on the definition of wealth I got 'a great quantity or store of money, valuable possessions, property, brother riches'. There are other meanings but my point is that wealth has to do with money and let us not mix it up with health and family.

The same principle applies to the concept and definition of success. I have found that most people who are not where they want to be in life tend to offer up the notion that the definition of success is different for everyone and that we cannot judge another person's success or happiness. Again, I agree with the idea that success should mean different things for different people, but for a very different reason.

First off, what is your definition of success? Most definitions in the dictionary tend to revolve around the idea of having a favourable outcome of an endeavour or goal.

How is it possible then, to have success without fulfilment and happiness? How could you not be happy if you have a favourable outcome of an endeavour or goal?

There are two main reasons why you can have success without fulfilment and happiness:

1. You are using the wrong definition of success.
2. You are setting the wrong goals and pursuing the wrong endeavours.

1. Your Definition of Success - One of the most applicable (to fulfilment and happiness) definitions of success I have come across is 'success is the progressive realisation of a worthy ideal'. From now on, we will use this definition of success. This definition was put forward by Earl Nightengale, also known as the father of personal development.

A key word in that definition is 'progressive'. A key difference in this definition of success and the usual dictionary meaning is that this definition suggests a journey and progress while the typical dictionary meaning suggests that success is a destination. This is a critical difference.

Most people are so focused on the goal, the destination, (and they should be goal focused) that they do not enjoy the journey. What if success is both a journey and a destination? What if happiness could be found in both the journey and the destination? Would you not have more happy moments in your life if you enjoyed both the journey and the destination?

Happiness and fulfilment is the main aim of life. Ultimately the reason why we do anything is to feel a sense of fulfilment and happiness. Happiness is the main thing and Stephen Covey said that 'the main thing is to keep the main thing, the main thing'. Anthony Robbins said that 'success without fulfilment is the ultimate failure'. That's a very strong statement but it is true.

You can find happiness in the progress, in the journey of life, not only in the destination. This is why setting small milestones is important and frequent reflection on your progress can be something that reduces your stress and anxiety. Too many people get frustrated and stressed just by thinking a lot about the destination and how far they are from it. If you are able to break up your big goals into smaller milestones you will enjoy the journey a whole lot more and find more moments of joy, happiness and fulfilment.

Another key word in the definition of success is 'worthy'. Some definitions of worthy include 'deserving of respect and admiration' and 'having great merit, character and value'. The tangle that most people get themselves in is the societal definition of what is worthy and what is deserving of respect. The trouble is that we do not take time to really figure out what is worthy to us individually.

I believe that 'worthy' is very personal and unique to you and tied to your purpose. Worthy means that it has to spark your desire. it has to be a burning desire, not just an ordinary pursuit.

One of the reasons that over 80% of people are generally dissatisfied with their jobs is that they are not pursuing a 'worthy' career. Not that what they are doing is not adding value or that they are doing something meaningless, it is that it is not aligned to their unqique purpose or at least they do not feel purposeful about it. There is no real burning desire. Their jobs do not cause them to jump out of bed without an alarm clock because it is so exciting.

Unfortunately most people get to choose a career early in life without first examining their true purpose and desires. They get to choose their careers before they can legally buy a beer. Careers are often dictated by parental influence and pressure, keeping up with the Jones, perceived market needs, wrong perceptions of what the career is all about etc. This leads to lack of fulfilment and low motivation.

To have both success and fulfilment it is critical for it to be aligned to your purpose, your divine appointment in this life.

A 30 minute strategy session can get you on your wa to finding your purpose and turn it into a profitable business/career. 1.Register here for your free Strategy Session https://shaneram.com/happiness-strategy-session/ and lets get you on your way to success, happiness and fulfilment.

2. Wrong Goals - determining the right goals for you can go a long way in having fulfilment and happiness. The vast majority of people give up on their goals and aspirations long before it's accomplishment or lack there of. There are multiple reasons for classifying a goal as a wrong goal:

1. Goal is not tied to your purpose or a purpose.
2. No analysis is done to determine real gaps. Gaps make great goals.
3. Goal is not SMART.
4. Limiting and pre-conceived notions of how to achieve the goal.
5. Goal does not spark a strong emotion.
6. There is no identification of the challenges that you will encounter in the accomplishment of the goal.

1. Goal is not tied to your purpose or a purpose - in our definition of success earlier, we dealt with the concept of a 'worthy' goal or ideal and suggested that the most worthy goals are tied to your life purpose. It is therefore important to identify your purpose and develop goals that are in alignment with your purpose. Once you are living your purpose and moving from goal to goal there must be fulfilment and happiness.
2. Doing an analysis, including a self analysis is a necessary pre-requisite to setting the right goals for you. For example, psychometric tests are great for determining career goals. Emotional tests are good for setting relationship as well as career goals. Many people miss this very important step. Many of my students and clients have commented that the self analysis is probably one of the most revealing and life changing activity in our goal setting process. Analysis reveals gaps that these gaps also form essential and smaller goals connected to bigger goals.
3. Most people would know of the acronym SMART, yet 95% of people are not able to set a SMART goal. They are able to get some elements of the acronym correct but even one element missing can lead to the goal not being achieved and stress and frustration. One of the most common mistakes that people make when they get all hyped and jump on the goal setting train is that they set highly improbable goals which means its not Achievable. Now, anything is possible but the real question is if your goal is probable. If its not, you will stop pursuing it when you are not making the progress you expected. Very recently I was asking someone what was their goal for the new year and they said to move from $0 to $1M in one year. Is that possible? Of course it is! Is it probable? Highly unlikely. Most people are not aware of the personal work required to develop themselves into someone who is worth $1M a year.
4. When you have a goal, it is possible that there are several ways to achieve the goal. However, many people limit their options of how they will proceed to achieve their goal and this could lead to dead ends and frustration.
5. In the book Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill indicated that the first step in the achievement of a goals is a burning desire. When your goal does not spark a strong emotion when you think about it, you will eventually lose the desire to pursue the goal.
6. Unexpected challenges can be a real blow to the accomplishment of your goal. While challenges are vital for success, most people do not identify possible challenges while setting their goals. The inability to anticipate and prepare for challenges in the accomplishment of goals can lead to failure and frustration.

We can help you define the right goals and meaning of success for you. Register here for your free Strategy Session https://shaneram.com/happiness-strategy-session/ and lets get you on your way to success, happiness and fulfilment.

About Shane Ram:

Shane Ram is a Happiness Engineer and Life Coach. He is the inventor and creator of Scientific Happiness, a proven system to help you find job and personal fulfilment. He has worked with thousands of people over the last 18 years from over 70 different countries. He is a husband, father, author, Human Resources Expert and Entrepreneur. #ScientificHappiness #Happiness