Successful Communication During Grieving

At some point in time, we go through the unfortunate experience of losing a dear family member or friend. Visits to a hospice unit at a hospital, discussions of funeral home arrangements, and speaking with people offering condolences are opportunities to observe various degrees of effective or ineffective verbal and non-verbal communication. The eulogies at a funeral are times when we can honor the departed person and share sincere and captivating messages. While verbal content and the vocal delivery may be especially important for the eulogies, non-verbal communication becomes even more critical in one-on-one situations. Body language can either reinforce or detract from the message. Through the various stages of dealing with the death of a loved one, effective communication becomes paramount.

Let’s first look at the hospice nurses, most of whom have mastered the art of non-verbal communication. Their eye contact, appropriate facial expressions, touch, or hugs communicate the care, compassion, and concern that is so essential to this noble profession.

The funeral director is challenged by the raw emotions of their “client” and family members and the need to balance compassion while conducting business. A sincere handshake with eye contact, good listening skills, and the ability to communicate details without sounding too businesslike is critical during this time of grief. The visual (body language, eye contact, posture) and vocal (tone of voice, rate of speech) need to support and soften the grim details and costs of funeral planning (verbal). Lack of eye contact can detract from the bond of trust during difficult conversations. Posture and body positioning as well as making sure to address each of the family members must also be considered.

It goes without saying that the clergy member (rabbi, priest, minister, pastor) must encompass all these skills when speaking with family members, leading the funeral service, and offering a eulogy.

Many friends and family are stymied and uncomfortable about what to do or say to grieving relatives. Again, eye contact, appropriate facial expression, and a warm handshake or hug are the foundations of good communication. Sometimes a simple “I’m sorry for your loss” or “I’m here for you” is sufficient. If you can think of one memory to share or one comment about the individual, the conversation can flow from there. Being an active listener removes the burden of carrying on the conversation. The less said might be better.

In summary, as is true in many different situations, a large part of communication is not just what you say, but how you say it and how your non-verbal communication supports that message.