Success, and Why We Want It
When you imagine your success, whom do you imagine noticing? I've been thinking about motivations for success, what success means, and what we really want to get out of it.
So let's take a walk and talk. Imagine you are wildly successful, beyond what you could have hoped for. Imagine you have overcome obstacles, faced challenges head on, and found a way to reach the finish line in victory. Whom do you imagine noticing? Perhaps a sibling whom you always competed with, a parent whose applause was sparsely given, or a frenemy who always managed to better you. Perhaps we are striving out of fear of not being enough. Perhaps we fear insignificance. I fall into both of those categories.
I burned the candle at both ends in my 20s and 30s to achieve success. Looking back on it, I strove to gain the respect and admiration of family members, peers from school, mentors, and people whom I imagined never thought well enough of me to rate me highly. When I walked down this reflective path and realized the specific people I wanted to notice my success, something changed in the calculus. It no longer held the same power over me, and I could hold those insecurities at bay more readily.
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Now that I am in my 40s, some of those fears have subsided (though far from disappeared). In part, that is because I have children, and my desire to be close to them is far more important than my desire for anyone else's admiration. Perhaps it is because some of my prior skills have declined, as Arthur C. Brooks suggests in, From Strength to Strength, while other capabilities have grown.
Nowadays, I simply want to contribute to something. I want a role to play, and it doesn't need to be center stage. I quite like being a supporting player in other people's stories as a friend, coach, and mentor. I know what I have to contribute in experience, wisdom, placing efforts into historical context, and genuine love for people, especially those who want to make a difference for the species. Where are you in your striver journey?
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