Success, What is it? How Do I Achieve it?

I start this article reminiscing about a humorous conversation I had with some colleagues while assigned in Iraq in 2014. We were working on an Iraqi airbase restoration project. We had a large contract to provide design-build services for renovations to the airfield and supporting facilities. A few of us late 40/early 50 something's (X-Gens/Baby Boomers), were sitting in the base cafeteria for dinner and one of the guys said jokingly, ”I still haven’t decided what I’m going to do when I grow up.” Well we were all past middle age, and we all had a good laugh at his comment. But it hit a chord with all of us, and we started a long conversation on, “if I could do anything, what would I be doing?” In retrospect, I think of the conversation from four years ago, in a different light after living in the Middle East again for almost two years. We literally have the freedom to choose any career we want. If we put in enough time, effort, and sweat equity, we can probably achieve it. 

At the time, I just thought of all the limitations, and not the reality of it. That is what time on your hands in a foreign country can do for you. I have serious doubts any of us thought when we were in our 20s that success would mean that we would be in a war-torn country dodging mortars from ISIS, and rebuilding a base that had been badly damaged during the International Coalition's War on Terrorism. Yet there we were, and if you asked most people, I think they would say, “those guys are pretty successful. They are making a lot of money and experiencing things most people couldn’t imagine doing on the other side of the world.” Maybe they would just think we were crazy, who knows?

That brings me to my reason for writing this article. What is success? Why is it so elusive? And how do you know when you have achieved it, if you ever do?

As Rick Pitino notes in his book entitled, Success is a Choice, really success is not something tangible, but something you nonetheless choose for yourself. It isn’t like buying a car. However, you decide your own success, whether you have ever thought of it or not. Pitino went on to write, If you don’t set higher goals once you have achieved what you perceive as success, then you become complacent. You may fall from that pinnacle of success, or never take the next step to be more successful. You always have to be setting new goals and working to achieve those goals.

Another facet of success is you typically have to fail a few times before you achieve it. Look at entrepreneurs and business owners. The SBA indicates in a recent survey that 30% of businesses fail in the first two years, 50% in the next five years and 66% after 10 years. That doesn’t stop people from working hard and doing their best to succeed. I personally had an engineering company that I owned and started from scratch that lasted several years. I had employees and payroll, and all that fun stuff.  I ultimately decided to go work for someone else. I tried it and it was difficult, but I learned so much in those years that I haven’t learned in any other job - before or since. Most engineers never venture out on their own, so I was successful in trying something new, or at least doing something that not many people in my profession attempt. I had fun doing it, and I proved to myself that I had the mettle to do it. Taking that first step away from the cocoon of corporate employment and finding yourself out there on your own can be a scary proposition, but it can be rewarding as well.

Here is another tidbit of knowledge that I’ve attained over the years. Success to some extent is something we conceive of for ourselves. Take a minute to let that soak in. Sure others view you as either being successful or not so successful, but they are doing it based on their own concept of what is successful, and not yours. They are viewing it from their unique personal perspective of life. That is because success is an abstract concept. There are many perspectives on what it means, and we all view it from our own personal experiences. What we think is successful as a 20-year old is probably not the same as what we think of at 40. What someone else deems as successful, may not encompass your own sense of self-worth or meet your own aspirations. Here is another example that made this so much clearer for me in my time here in the Middle East based on personal observations.

You drive down the road and see a laborer, let’s say his name is Jon, and he is from an Asian country working in one of the Arabian Peninsula countries. His job is picking up trash on the road, sweeping the road with a homemade broom, or tending landscape. One might think, “Well that guy really is not very successful.” He probably makes 3USD an hour and works six or seven 12-hour days a week. However, in his mind, he is so successful that he can’t count all his blessings. He smiles as he sweeps, and driving by you think, “I wish I could be that happy at work.” What you don’t know is that he has a beautiful wife at home that adores him, and they have 4 beautiful children ages 3-15. He feels he was so lucky to be chosen to come to work in this foreign country. He has no education, and had no money to get here, and no job at home. He was selected, sponsored and his way paid for by a foreign company, to make the 7-hour flight. He doesn’t own a car, so he lives in a nearby apartment that he shares with 4 other men from his village that came over together. If they have to drive further than they can walk to work, there is a large unairconditioned bus that takes them to and from work. Back at home drugs and gangs are rampant, unemployment is 60%, and people are starving and living under bridges or in shanty villages. His family has a nice small but comfortable house in a quaint little village. His kids have decent clothes, are well fed, and the older ones are going to school. Life is tough in the Arabian summer as he sweeps the road with daytime temperatures at 115F (46C) and he works long hours. Despite all of this, he has the personal satisfaction that he is feeding his kids and everyone at home is as happy as they can possibly be other than missing him. He feels in his heart that he is successful beyond his wildest dreams.

You know the old saying, don’t judge a man until you walk a mile in his shoes, or don’t judge a book by its cover. Just remember, you have choices. You make your own destiny. You set your own goals, and YOU judge whether you are successful or not. The next time you are sitting at your desk or standing in a construction site, and you think, “I should be more successful than this.” Take action and make it happen for yourself. Don’t just dream, live the dream and work the plan to make it happen. If you are not a good public speaker, take a speech class at the junior college, join Toastmasters, or read books on how to improve. Many things in life can be learned. You just have to make the effort. When you get that weakness solved, move onto the next and the next. Eventually your 35-year old self looks back at your 20-year old self, and you realize the 20-year older wouldn’t recognize or believe that you could be so improved. You have succeeded, and you made it happen for yourself. 

This exercise seems to help me. Jot down a list of what is important to you in your life. Add all the factors - religion, home life, family, career, etc. List whatever is important to you. Then chart a path forward, and set goals on how you can manage all the things that are important, in order to get where you want to be. This can take some soul searching, and may take a few days or several sessions. Ask yourself where you want to be next year, in 5 years, mid-career, and at the end of your career at retirement. I’ve seen people that are extremely successful in business, but they neglect their families and their wife and kids won’t speak to them. Their career is very successful, but their work-life balance leaves a lot to be desired. Decide what is important to you. Only you can decide. You have time on your hands, and really that is the commodity that all of us are working against. The next time you worry whether you are successful enough, think of Jon sweeping the road with his homemade broom, and dream the impossible dream, but work to make it a reality. You got this!

I’d be interested to hear your thoughts, and some stories on how you have changed over the years. Cheers, Mike

Michael Reid, 7/11/18