Success Series: Competence vs. Confidence

The frog in the well knows nothing of the mighty ocean.

Japanese proverb

Have you ever walked into a party and immediately felt intimidated because you only knew one person? Or were standing next to someone you found attractive but were too shy to say hello? Were you ever in a business meeting and had something great to say, but that one coworker that always dominates the conversation kept taking over everyone and you never spoke up?

In all of those scenarios, for one reason or another, your confidence wasn't there. Our confidence and how we carry ourselves determines how we are perceived by others.

Do you have a job or hobby you excel at? Is there a task you can do with your eyes closed? Are you the go-to guy or gal on a particular topic among your friends and family?

This is competence. Our knowledge and skill-set plays a similar role to confidence in how the outside world sees us.

Confidence without competence may get you noticed, but not for the reasons you want. Competence without confidence prevents your great ideas from being shared because they're never expressed.

When we combine the two we get a structure within which we can operate that allows for magic to happen, for spontaneity to create fortuitous outcomes, and for our brilliance to really shine.

The frog from the Japanese proverb has knowledge of his well, his one environment, experience or skill, and may be confident that that's all there is to life. But there's a great big ocean out there he has never seen or can even conceptualize about.

The only way you can truly become successful, no matter what way you define success, is by constantly being open to learning in order to improve your competence. And to constantly be open to looking foolish during that learning process to improve your confidence.

Increasing Competence by Reading More

Start reading or listening to books more often. Interview after interview successful CEO's like Warren Buffet, Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg all pin a part of their success on the habit to constantly reading.

Jim Kwik, a real-life superhero, speed-learning master, speaker and CEO of Kwik Learning, gave an interview on Inc. and broke down what reading a book a week looks like:

"I went to Amazon and looked at the medium average number of words per book, and it came out to about 64,000 words. So let's say the average person reads 200 words per minute. We're talking about 320 minutes to get through a book, which is about 45 minutes a day, to read a book per week. That makes it a little more realistic."

Books allow you to save decades of time and millions of dollars. If you want to build a specific business, find a person you idolize in the field and read everything they have ever written. Then follow in their footsteps. If you want to become better at writing, find a writer you respect, then study and learn from their writing.

Success leaves footprints. Books are those footprints.

Coming to the United States when I was 8 was a little difficult. I didn't know the language, I had no friends, I didn't understand any of the cultural differences between what I had known and what I needed to know. Books became an integral part of my learning and immersion. The more I read, the easier I understood the people around me, and the better they understood me.

As I got older the same concept rang true. The more I read, the more people I was able to have interesting conversations with. I began reading science and tech magazines, medical literature, psychology books, finance journals, newspapers, advertisements as I waited in line, legal briefs. The more I expanded my scope of understanding through books, the more competent of a communicator I became.

My friends and family began seeking out my advice on a variety of topics and seeing me as an authority figure when it came to needing straight-forward, honest feedback. Through books, my love for learning has only grown, and my understanding of the world and myself with it.

Increasing Confidence by Traveling More

Traveling to countries, or even towns and cities, outside the one you were born in not only introduces you to different ways of life, but also has the amazing ability to built your confidence.

Depending how and where you choose to travel, you may not know the language and can't read road signs or menus, you many be unfamiliar with cultural norms, you may even be travelling alone so you have no one to use as a security blanket.

There is about a 100% chance that you will feel uncomfortable and shy and hesitant and even silly. But that's all part of the process. our

On my first trip to Hong Kong I stumbled into a proper dim sum restaurant, in the red-light district, where they only spoke and everything was written in, that's right, Cantonese. I had never been in China. I was starving. It was late. I didn't understand a word that was said and no one had any idea what I wanted. I was handed a piece of paper with squiggles on it I couldn't distinguish and stood there like a deer in headlights looking around me.

I only had two thoughts:

"I want to go back to my hotel and cry. Do I actually need to eat tonight? It's only been 20 hours since my last meal. Fasting is healthy for you. How long until my squiggles are called for a table. I won't even be able to read the menu if I ever do get to sit down."

and

"I can figure this out. I'm sure someone here has to know a few words in English. Deep breaths. You haven't eaten for a while, you're a little emotional. Try talking to them again, a little slower and maybe using different words."

After about 20 minutes of going back and forth between trying to talk, unsuccessfully, to the hostess and staff, and standing to the side watching every one else getting seated, I decided to try one last time. Another customer in the restaurant over heard me and asked me, in English, to join him at his table. I was seated right away and ended up trying all the traditional and best dishes because I had the confidence to not give up.

No matter what you want to be successful at, whether it's a sport, a business, or a relationship, both competence and confidence are critical to making that happen. Spend time honing both skills and who knows, maybe you'll find that the harder you work the luckier you get.