Success is an ongoing experiment: Wisdom from my father

Success - a word we hear and often use. When evaluating ourselves and others. When comparing ourselves with others. A single, seven-letter word carrying power, perceptions, and unspoken meanings. It’s a word we are measured by and tirelessly strive toward.

But why does external recognition captivate us more than our own self-acknowledgment?

From a young age, we inherit a silent script about success. With each chapter we read, we become more and more captivated by promises of status, validation, and prestige. We come to believe that happiness lies just beyond the next promotion, the new house, the forthcoming milestone. However, as we think the book is about to conclude, we discover that there are several volumes in the collection. The conclusion remains perpetually elusive because success will always be a moving target.

Neuroscience confirms what ancient philosophy intuited: the human brain isn't wired for lasting satisfaction. Dopamine surges as we anticipate success, but upon attainment, the euphoria fades, leaving us yearning for the next achievement. This phenomenon, known as the Arrival Fallacy - a term coined by 美国哈佛大学 psychologist Tal Ben-Shahar - illustrates that with each accomplishment, the horizon of our desires stretches further, perpetuating a cycle of constant striving. As soon as I get, taste, or achieve something, I will be happy. But shortly after the external approval fades, we start wondering if the next milestone will then be “the one.”

Reflecting on this, my father's words resonate: “Success is an ongoing experiment of a life examined.” I didn't fully grasp his meaning when I was younger - I thought success was about arrival, about ticking boxes and collecting achievements. Today, I understand the deeper meaning of his words - success is an evolving journey of curiosity, growth, and self-discovery.

The currency of perception

Perhaps success isn’t real at all - not in the way we perceive it. It’s not an absolute but a currency of perception, traded in boardrooms, galleries, dinner parties, and social media feeds. The psychologist Abraham Maslow suggested that beyond our basic needs, we seek connection and belonging, both of which hinge on how others perceive us. Success also operates as a kind of social currency - a reflection of how we believe we are viewed by others rather than how we feel within ourselves.

But here’s the tension: external validation and internal fulfilment don’t always align. We have spent too long worshipping the outcome of success - the title, the money, the proof. But what if success wasn’t measured by accumulation but by depth? Not by applause, but by resonance. Not by arrival, but by motion.

What if the real measure of a life well-lived was not what we built but how alive we felt while building it?

Success shouldn’t be something others grant us it should be something we grant ourselves. Applause is valuable and validating; it’s fuel. But it’s in the moments when we acknowledge ourselves that the fuel becomes oxygen, and oxygen is simply something we can’t live without. Internal success isn’t optional; it’s essential for a balanced and meaningful life. It’s the quiet confidence that comes from knowing you’re on a path that aligns with who you are, regardless of whether anyone else is watching.

In the end, my father's wisdom illuminated a truth I was too busy chasing to see: Success isn’t something we arrive at - it’s something we experience, question, and redefine with every step. It’s less about the milestones we hit and more about the curiosity we maintain along the way.

Having made it is simply something you’ve already achieved. Stop for a moment, and you will see how much you have accomplished.

?This article also springs from conversations with people who, over time, have inspired me, and shared their views on success, igniting my reflections and challenging my perspective. Thank you for the inspiration: Krystle Drover, P.Eng, B.Eng , Mette Mynderup , Jes Lauritzen , Lasse Wagner , Gilad Regev , Havana Luna A. Schmidt and Aswar Ubah Kadie

#Success #Reflection #SelfAwareness #PersonalGrowth #MindsetShift