Success? It Will Never Care if You Are a Man or a Woman

To suggest that we are living in deep turmoil could be my understatement of the day.

Much of today's turmoil involves ongoing collisions with accelerating change, and for many, Harvey Weinstein's conviction represents a turning point for women in the workplace. But, a turning point for what? Growing transparency brought on by the democratization of technology is an even bigger story. Turning everyone into a journalist is forcing changes in how we behave, do business, and treat others. This newfound transparency is forcing organizations to come to terms with anything related to social justice.

Perhaps the most significant breakthrough of all will be in women casting off any excuses or sense of entitlement because business is a race, an audition for success, and you either get the part or you do not. I've been withholding my feelings about the topic of economic equality for women until now. My inspiration is, in part, due to a bumper crop of clients who happen to be C-level women, business owners, authors, and creative professionals. All of them are at the top of their game. All of them are in accord that women have never had a better opportunity to shine. All of them have been judged just as harshly as men on topics such as profit, capacity, and accountability. They have had to be aware of these challenges on the road to success. None of them have skimped on delivering the goods.

One of those seismic shifts in front of America is in women taking the lead in achieving full equality in our culture, especially with their income and financial parity at home. But, entry into the upper tiers of success requires releasing any shred of victimhood, entitlement, or defensiveness. Any of those bags are a bit large to squeeze through a somewhat narrow door. 

Why now?

 Work is undergoing the most significant restructuring since the Industrial Revolution. Disruption is the perfect time to find our way forward to a new life. There has never been a more critical time for women to become leaders and balance the scales of social justice. But, they must let go of any baggage that could keep them from entering what can be a narrow door. 

For example:

Years ago, I was at a human-potential event with about 500 people locked in a room at the LA Convention Center. A middle-aged woman kept raising her hand, and it became progressively more clear she had a burning need to share. When the leader recognized her, she stood up, began crying, and revealed a shocking history of sexual abuse by her father. Finally, the facilitator interrupted her and asked, 

"How long have you been telling this story?"

A shock wave rolled over the crowd. The facilitator repeated the question until she answered, "30 years."

His voice raised another pitch, "What do you get out of telling this story?"

Once again, the question repeated until she screamed, "I get to be better than him."

I thought, "What an extraordinary waste of energy."

I recently reconnected with someone I met in my 20s. My friend had been in that auditorium. She reminded me of just how stuck I was at the time. Much of my available energy was consumed by the trauma of growing up in an extremely violent adoptive home. Fortunately, one of my most important turning points happened when I decided my life would not be defined by that home but in my response.

 Of course, I will never have the experience of what it is to be a woman. But, my experiences as a young gay man offer a few case studies for women who want to break through the turf protection that is natural in all humans.

I stepped out of the closet in the 80s. I did it at work, to my family, and in the community. It was tough. But, on a strategic level, I always made sure that I was bringing in more revenue than any of my colleagues. Yes, it was hard work. But, I got to drive better cars and be myself.

At the time, much of the LGBTQ community was its own worst enemy. So many women and men carried deep wounds from parents and religions that gave us the message that becoming a serial killer could be preferable to being gay. As time went on, I noticed that many straight men and women came to terms with my gender preference. By bringing in quite a bit of revenue, they included the rest of me.

Right now, there is a big opening for women to forge ahead and balance the scales of justice. Right now, straight men would do well to support them in that pursuit. Why? Because more women than men leave marriages. The majority of women do this because of the conflicts created by economic inequality.

Right now, the world's most successful women and men ought to be the ones stepping forward and helping other women realize that while entitlement might seem justified, success requires results. For example, try to find one self-made billionaire who got there through righteousness. 

Being right is one of the world's most hollow of victories, and it is exhausting in the workplace. 

In the months and years ahead, I would like to see as many women as possible outcompete the men. We need women in political and business leadership roles simply to bring more balance to the world. My biggest suggestion for the women who want to participate, develop your courage. Hope will not cut it. The pursuit of fearlessness is another waste of time. Committing to courage signifies taking action whether we are afraid or not.

Why will courage allow women to sail past the competition? 

The mindset for entering the future of work requires big doses of courage in all of us.

Here is the new mindset:

Technology isn't taking away work, and it is offering us freedom

It takes courage to walk away from task work, especially if that is how many of us have made our livings. But, technology is giving us the freedom to do the work that matters and to structure work to better support our lifestyles. If you are working in a shrinking industry, develop the courage to leave. How can you succeed if you are spending all of your time on survival?

Before you leave, answer the most crucial question. "How do you want to use your freedom?

Invariably, the best first step is in defining the work that we will love. Accelerating change requires that we change. Change is usually uncomfortable. Our willingness to change grows with those of us with work that we love.

 Don't bother learning how to compete, learn to be Connective

At the turn of the century (as in 2000), most adults averaged having 3-4 jobs in their lifetime. Today, the average college graduate can expect to make 3-4 career (not job) changes. How we use our technology turns out to be quite predictive of whether or not we succeed. If we use technology to "check-out," the probability of our success takes a plunge. 

Use technology to connect with people who can best help you. Use it for active learning, which is vital to stay ahead of obsolescence. 

The skills of connectivity include our ability to sell, present, connect, listen, and ask for the right kind of help. 

Most of us cannot think our way into a new career. But, we sure can act our way into new roles. 

The number one reason people fail is of their own making. It is through isolation.

Replace Entitlement with Results

Success does not respond to entitlement. When someone demands a promotion or raise because they have been with the company since Noah got off the ark usually reminds an employer they have someone who doesn't grow. We significantly increase the probability of our success by finding how we can earn the promotion and the raise. Define the profit number or solution that would merit the raise. Then, deliver the results.

Banish All Forms of Righteousness 

Since the dawn of time, righteousness has contributed to the murder of millions of people. In the workplace, being around righteousness is exhausting. Have women been oppressed? Absolutely. Is it time for equal pay? Equal pay is good for business. 

Victimhood Poisons Our Outlook

This past year, Jane Fonda was on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. There was a moment where Colbert asked Jane, "Do you still have it?" For a moment, consider what a skanky question that is to an 82 year-old-woman. But, instead of blowing up, Fonda's entire demeanor changed to the woman who played Barbarella. She got up, walked over to Colbert, sat on his lap, turned into a charismatic sex doggess, and reduced him to a puddle of discomfort. After making her point, she stood up, smoothed out her clothes, walked back to her seat and continued as if nothing had taken place.

Replace Activity with Value

One of the professions that demonstrates the struggles we are having with change is in human resources. 76% of human resource professionals are women. For decades, human resource positions have included tasks and paperwork. As that activity slips away, many human resource professionals continue to think of and characterize their work through activity rather than value. In a landscape where strategy and values move center stage, CEOs and owners are losing their patience with people who continually offer up checklists rather than strategy and outcomes.

The business model for human resources introduces another challenge. Most organizations financially package such work as an expense. Profit makers, on the other hand, are given more resources and tend to get more significant raises. As the world of work continues to transform, develop the mindset of tying profit or development to all work.

Get Help

Once again, it is best to remind my readers of the need for courage. Many of us have had difficulty in asking for help. Today, getting the right kind of support is paramount to finding success in a fast-moving world. I don't go to my single friends for advice about my marriage. I go to friends that have been married for years and study what they are doing that is different from my behavior or outlook.

I'm continually tying clients of Inspired Work to mentors that can help them succeed more quickly. One example is the National Association of Women Business Owners (NAWBO). 

We have resources that help our clients compress the pursuit of success into weeks rather than years. 

It is a bit like this. Many of us don't define what we want to do with our lives because we don't believe the right people will help us. But, when we do make that commitment, that decision to do the work we were born to do, our success is purely based on getting the right kind of support.

All of this is learnable.

Someone once asked how my years of helping gays and lesbians come out of the closest informed the work that I've done since 1990. I smiled and said, "Everyone that comes into the Inspired Work Program is in the closest about something. They connect with a compelling mission, but they sit on it because they don't want the discomfort that comes with being judged. Some come into the program wanting to find that ideal career but believe they won't be able to take care of their families. Others have long outgrown their work, but they have been too busy to define what's next."

I want women to stand up and roar. I want them to succeed beyond their wildest dreams. I want to see them bring compassion to politics, kindness to the workplace, and enthusiasm in their homes. 

We need women with the substance to smile and step over turf protection. We need women who play hardball with joy and finesse. We need more homes and families to include women who are economic equals.

Our world will only get better because of it.

Brought to you by David Harder, President - Inspired Work, Inc.

P: (310) 277-4850 / E: [email protected]

(C) Copyright, Inspired Work, Inc. (2020) - All Rights Reserved

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