Success is Linked to One Thing, So Make Increasing It Your Top New Year's Resolution in 2023

The top three New Year’s resolutions are to exercise more, eat healthier, and lose weight. Every year.

Blah, blah, blah.

You might as well resolve to:

1. vacuum under the sofa cushions,
2. organize your desktop files, and
3. eat more rice cakes.

You might do it, or you may not, but it’s a bit uninspiring, and it’s clearly not working, or it wouldn’t be on your list. Again.

In 2023, I resolve that there will be no more boring resolutions.

That’s why I made resolutions for everybody. Presumptuous, yes? Well-intentioned, also, yes.

(Oh, and by the way, exercising more, eating healthier, and losing weight are super important, but how you’re going about it is all wrong. Instead of doing more, eating less, or dropping a size, focus on well-being. It’s the foundation for positive change, and results will come easier and more quickly than you can imagine.)

A Better Life

What is well-being ? Well-being combines feeling good, functioning well, developing your potential, having control over your life, a sense of purpose, positive relationships, happiness, and contentment.

According to the CDC, increasing well-being means increasing the perception that life is going well, and who doesn’t want that?

We all want the good life,?la bella vita,?and improving your well-being is a shortcut to better living. I’ve been obsessed with well-being since 2016’s?Yale’s Most Popular Course in History . BTW, it’s?free on Coursera ?if you’re interested.

Well-being integrates mental and physical health, resulting in a more holistic approach and higher quality of life that allows you to develop and thrive.

So whether your 2023 goal is to improve your family, health, career, finances, outlook, or anything else, throw out the tired, uninspired same old new year’s resolutions and try these three well-being recommendations instead.

Resolution #1: Keep It High Vibe

Identify what you care about, want to support, get involved with, champion, or create, and let it become a central theme in your life.

Question to consider:?Are you for anything or anti-everything?

On FB, a friend of a friend posted,?“I hate Meghan and Harry. I can’t wait to watch so I have a reason to hate them even more.”?What the what?

There’s a reason there is so much outrage out there. It’s a very effective way to get your attention. — Shankar Vedantam

You do not have to look far to find something to be upset about, but continuous outrage poisons your mind and body. It’s a psychologically taxing emotional storm associated with increased heart disease, eating disorders, and even car accidents.

Outrage is the struggle that comes from unacceptance. If something is different than how you want or think it should be, outrage ensues.

If you can’t immediately change what’s bothering you, your discomfort grows, and your internal conflict heightens, activating your brain’s stress and survival response.

That response, called fight or flight, is a state of hyperarousal that drastically reduces your ability to remain rational and reasonable because your brain focuses singularly on delivering what it thinks you need.

“Anger is a public epidemic in America; it contaminates everything from media controversy to road rage to wars to mass shootings.” — Jean Kim

Kim, a psychiatrist and assistant professor at George Washington University, says that anger is addictive — it feels good and overrides moral and rational responses because it originates from your primordial, original limbic system — the lizard brain.

This part of your brain responds automatically and controls adrenaline rushes, including those fueled by anger to give you an unhappy high.

And while it feels motivating, your problem-solving ability is compromised. And when your outrage doesn’t solve anything, you’re left feeling emptier than before because the emotional energy you invested did nothing to change the situation and may have even made it worse.

You can spend your life protesting, criticizing, and opposing all types of organizations, people, and ideas, but for what? It’s exhausting and time-consuming, rarely solves anything, and the negativity is relentless.

Consider creating when you feel like tearing down. In seeking to burn it to the ground, you destroy anything good and miss out on lessons to be learned or a new understanding. You may even damage meaningful relationships or sabotage future opportunities.

It may not feel like destruction in the moment; maybe it feels like taking a stand — but being against something is to battle. And to endlessly wage battles is to start a war. And warring is no way to live your life.

So, in 2023, focus on what you want. Keep it high vibe by choosing happiness and healthiness above all things while letting go of your attachment to what you don’t want. Observe what happens in your body when you say yes, again and again. Yes!

Resolution #2: This Could Be Your Future

Pick one event or activity that almost always makes you feel excited, hopeful, and energized, and schedule it throughout the year.

Question to consider:?Do you plan for pleasure or problems?

Anticipation is gaining pleasure from something before the event occurs. For example, you can anticipate a new job, a night out, a holiday, or a haircut.

Anticipation is gratifying and exhilarating, and unlike happiness or fulfillment, it’s quick and easy too. All it takes is to plan something to look forward to.

That’s why my word of the year for 2023 is travel, and it should be yours, too, because travel is the ultimate form of anticipation. That post is coming next week!

Of course, most of us can’t book a flight whenever we need cheering up, so we must pepper our lives with other anticipated moments. It’s important to note that it isn’t the bigness of the moments that matters; it’s that you have something to look forward to, and you’re enjoying the process of bringing it to fruition.

A Dutch research project ?delved into the benefits of anticipation to show that the pleasure derived from anticipating something enjoyable is often equal to or greater than the pleasure derived from the event itself. It’s because you’re inventing, idealizing, and planning what could be your future.

Well-being correlates with a positive outlook, and when you have something to look forward to, the more thoroughly you plan it, and the farther in advance you start, the better. For many, your wedding is a perfect example of idealizing your future.

It was likely among the highlights of your life. The day itself was magic, but the events, activities, and emotions leading up to the big day mattered too.

Vorfreude: (n.) the joyful, intense anticipation that comes from imagining future pleasures

The dress, flowers, music selections, engagement parties, tastings, selecting the date, venue, and decor, and being invested in the process for the long term gave you hours (weeks or months!) of pleasure even before the big day.

If others had a say, the mothers or bridesmaids helped, or you and your partner shared stimulating conversations throughout the planning process, that involvement likely multiplied your anticipation.

It’s a life skill that is easy to implement but often gets overlooked because of its simplicity. Yet anticipation can help you through tough times, both now and in the future.

It’s motivating to know a reward is waiting for you or that your hard work will pay off, but anticipation also boosts your current mood.

“Imagining good things ahead of us makes us feel better in the current moment,” says Simon A. Rego, the chief psychologist at Montefiore Medical Center and Albert Einstein College of Medicine,?who has written extensively on the effect of anticipation on mood .

“Anticipation can increase motivation, optimism and patience and decrease irritability.” — Simon A. Rego

Having something to look forward to makes uncertainty and unpleasantness more bearable. For example, parents aren’t necessarily happier than non-parents, statistically speaking, but their days are fuller. That might mean more filled with stress, joy, or both.

The days are long, and the years are short can mean a lot of things, but in this case, the daily marathon is offset by the anticipation of who your children will become.

Anticipation brings resilience to the fullness of parenthood by reminding you that each stage and milestone also brings more magic and makes the juggle worth it.

A little caution, though, and there’s a reason this resolution comes second on the list. If you’re practicing anticipation to boost well-being, be alert to whether you are for or against something. Ask yourself if you are anticipating the best or expecting the worst. Is pleasure influencing your plan, or are you planning to mitigate problems?

You’ll know by identifying whether your plans diminish or enhance your anticipation. To use the travel example, if you’re worried about how expensive it might be, what could go wrong, or that your top choices may not be available, there’s an easy fix.

Instead, focus on how priceless it will be, and influence what you can by being clear about your priorities and values or booking what matters most — plan for pleasure, not problems.

Resolution #3: Little Upgrades Everywhere

If you step into a room, leave it a little better than when you arrived.

Question to consider:?How can I improve this room, situation, or conversation?

This can be fun. Bring positive energy, take care of what needs to be addressed, and sprinkle kindness and joy wherever you go. It’s like a game but with profound implications.

If you’re a mom, you might relate to how annoying it is when your kids walk out of a room and leave the television or lights on and the devices out, snacks and socks everywhere, and then endlessly repeat the sequence.

Or, the one that gets me is when I watch them avoid a pile on the stairs without picking it up and putting it away. Those are straightforward examples of improving the room: Turn off the lights, put things where they belong, and leave it neat and tidy.

But you can also influence the mood of a room by modeling how you want others to show up. Set the tone by being present, patient, open-hearted, generous, and curious.

The person who does this well improves the room and gathers friends, collaborators, and ideas everywhere they go. People love being around them, and the more you practice improving the room, the better rooms you’ll find yourself in.

Another way to improve the room is to notice what’s missing to make it better for others. For example, if you have a basement in which the light switch is at the bottom of the stairs, what’s missing is a light switch at the top of the stairs. Installing another switch doesn’t just have functional benefits. There are emotional benefits, too, such as a feeling of safety and convenience. It’s an easy win-win.

Create more win-wins; they’re little upgrades everywhere that raise the vibe and make the future more enticing. If you use the rest of the ketchup, open a new bottle, or if you don’t have another one, immediately put it on the grocery list. If you see the copier is out of paper, refill it. If you observe that it’s always the same person bringing birthday treats, volunteer to do it next time. If a plant looks dehydrated, water it.

These may seem like no-duhs, but they extend further than the room. They create space for feel-good engagements that encourage caring, compassion, comfort and facilitate life. And by that, I mean when the basics are taken care of, it opens the door to the next level of living.

“You live, you learn, and you upgrade.” — Anonymous

Think of a place you love, where you feel totally at home or utterly at ease, and notice what upgrades make you feel that way. Is the temperature just right? Does it always smell like grapefruit or magnolia, or is your favorite music always playing? Are the others there interesting or exciting, or what is it about them? Pay attention because it usually takes so little extra effort to improve the room. The difference between good and great, ordinary and extraordinary, is in the details.

“I’ve learned that home isn’t a place, it’s a feeling.” ―?Cecelia Ahern

In fact, all three well-being recommendations are relatively effortless to implement and yet, can deliver dramatic results. We all want a better life, and the beginning of the year is an inspiring time to think differently about how to get it.