Success is a Journey

5 Steps to Measuring and Maintaining Personal Growth by Jenny Yeremiy

I believe that success is not defined by formal recognition from others, or by titles we obtain in our careers. In fact, in my 20 years of experience I know that the majority of success I have achieved has come with little recognition. As well, that success has been dependent on the support, guidance and love that others have offered me, whether I believe I needed it or not. I have also learned that success is not only defined by what accomplishments I can add to my resume, but by the growth of my character and the person I have become through years of challenges and self-reflection with a relentless focus on what is within my control.

If there was ever a time to focus on what is within our control, it is now. This article was written mostly in advance of the crisis we find ourselves in. Now, I hope it may be a welcome distraction and reminder to concentrate on all that we may still be joyful of: family, friends, safety, health, food and shelter. 

I was recently introduced to the concept of “resume goals” vs. “eulogy goals” created by David Brooks in his article The Moral Bucket List. He explains that one may have career success without necessarily building character, the character that people will remember you by and speak fondly of at your retirement or funeral. This is an extension of the concept of work-life balance. For me the two goals coexist; I seek recognition or stature by delivering high-quality, competitive results (resume goal); meanwhile, I am developing character when I honour my values and the qualities that connect me to others through collaborative work (eulogy goals). 

What I believe is important about the concept of The Moral Bucket List is a focus on the goals that are within my control. I cannot dictate whether or not my unique skills and abilities will be recognised as valuable in the ranks of the organisations I work for, but I can ensure I consistently commit to delivering high-quality work aligned with the organisation’s goals. I can ensure I am developing my ”eulogy goals” and know that there will be times when my qualities are recognised as valuable. The magic happens for me, and the organisations I work for, when I commit and am free to fully contribute as my best self. The successful moments of overlap, where I have been free to build my character and my resume simultaneously, feel incredible. Experiencing these moments is what keeps me committed to my personal growth journey.

Below are the FIVE steps I use to hold myself accountable to build and fully commit to the development of my character; the component of my growth journey that is within my control. The journey requires introspection and adjustments as the environment and myself continually evolve.

1. I define my strengths and build self-awareness of how I may best use them.

The strategy begins by defining, embracing and honouring my strengths. I have had several opportunities to identify and foster my character. According to the Myer-Briggs Type Indicator test which is an introspective self-report, I am a motivator. I have developed my personal mission statement according to the 7 Habits of Highly Successful People and identified my signature strengths with the Via Institute on Character. No matter the tool, there are traits that consistently describe me: bravery, curiosity, hope, humour and love, which the Via Institute defines as my “signature strengths”. 

I have put words, images (the above icons) and actions to these signature strengths so that I am aware of how and when I can use them most effectively to develop my career. Heightening awareness of my strengths in action allows me to remain objective and creative rather than reactive or in “automatic processing”.

First, it’s not enough to be brave but rather to stand up for what is right based on the best possible data available. It is sharing my ideas or concerns with others and having the humility to appreciate how they are received. Even more, bravery is about being willing to express the concerns of others who are either unable to or are uncomfortable sharing them. Do I know enough about the issue? Have I expressed the concern appropriately to the right person(s)? Am I willing to take it further? It is a commitment to understanding the root cause of an issue and not giving up until a solution is determined, regardless of whether my analysis or opinion of the issue is unpopular. 

Curiosity is not just about asking questions. It includes a love of learning and commitment to step in when questions go unasked or unanswered. Asking questions for the sole purpose of identifying problems is not helpful unless I care enough and am committed to helping find a solution. If I have a question then I am willing to do the work to find the answers I seek. If not there are better questions to ask.

Hope at its best requires acknowledgement of current conventional wisdom through an optimistic lens. It is knowing what works and regularly questioning what would be more efficient or effective. Hope, for me, is never being satisfied by “good enough”. I notice myself or others using these words, “good enough” and ask myself what questions have yet to be asked and answered and what are we missing.

Humour can fuel creativity for all when wielded affectionately. To be effective, it requires a commitment to kindness. My favourite comedian, Dave Chapelle, makes his audience laugh and think. Furthermore, Dave makes me ask myself if I really should be laughing. When people are laughing, they are relaxed and open to new ideas or ways of thinking. At work, the pressure to meet goals and stay on top of my game can be far from funny and yet the moment I stop laughing I’m limiting myself. Victor Borge, a danish comedian, conductor and pianist, once said, “Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.” Since two minds are greater than one, I try to monitor how much I am laughing during my interactions with others to be sure I’m fuelling our collective creativity. 

Love requires acknowledgement that the opinions and efforts of everyone involved matter as much as my own. Love is making room for all to be successful. At times, I notice myself blaming, avoiding or arguing with others. I have to remind myself that alternative opinions and thoughts are unavoidable and the sooner I embrace resistance the less time I waste. Feeling joy for others’ success, especially when I am not feeling personally successful, is a sign that I am focused on what I can control without losing sight of my work which I love.

Taking the time to understand how to effectively use my strengths takes me from automatic processing to self-awareness. When I am automatically processing, I am reacting to what comes my way without thought or reflection. When I am aware of how to use my strengths and how others respond to my actions, I am able to be objective and more effective. Self-awareness of my strengths allows me to be creative and builds trust with others, which allows them to be creative. It leads to more successful outcomes and builds a more trusting, productive environment to achieve repeatable success.

2. I identify cues that I am automatically processing or reacting.

It’s equally important to be clear what my automatic processing (reacting) looks like so I may catch my character slipping when it is happening. As stated in the Myers-Briggs test, our weaknesses are often a negative version of our strengths, and not necessarily the strengths we lack (the lower quality strengths when ranked). For example, I am proud of my ability to be honest and able to speak my mind, but also embarrassed when I feel I am too honest and have possibly said more than was required. So for me, how do my five strengths: bravery, curiosity, hope, humour and love show up when on auto-pilot? 

Expressing ideas or assigning blame without investigating the data myself or seeking out those most familiar with the data is bravery on auto-pilot. This gif is the downside of my bravery, when I have forgotten to first test the water. I have a good friend and former business partner who defined this for me as “cannon-balling”. She would see it happening and tell me at that moment to help me become self-aware of what I was doing and to stop, for both our sake. I notice this occurring when I’ve lost interest from my audience or when someone I trust is frustrated with me. When this happens I know I need to stop and focus on solely listening for more information from others.

Curiosity, unchecked, is a lack of focus. A tell-tale sign that my curiosity is getting the better of me and I am becoming unfocused is when my “to-do” list is too long or I find myself rushed to meet a deadline as I am no longer focused on my priorities. I am interested in a great many things and in order to ensure I am not overwhelming myself or others with investigation, I try to regularly prioritise my questions. In addition, I ask myself if I am prepared to help find the solutions if need be; if not, I need to limit my questions. 

The downside of hope is delusion. Operating with optimism in the face of relevant data that counters what I am trying to accomplish is a sure way to fail. For example, hoping for +30 Celsius and a day at the pool in Calgary on January 1st is delusional. To ensure I am not operating with false hope or delusion, I catch myself saying “I hope” frequently and instead refer to relevant data and seek a new, more effective strategy. I ask myself questions such as, what am I hoping for? How do I plan on accomplishing this result? What does the relevant data tell me about the problem? How can I educate or equip myself to be prepared for a negative outcome?

For me, a great stress reliever is to have an “Is this crazy or what?” conversation. In fact, this is the basis of many stand-up comedian’s performances - where the comic exposes a bizarre commonality among us. When their jokes are not common or relatable they lack humour and are no longer funny if repeated without evolving. I want to know if the things that are upsetting, frustrating or confusing me resonate with others so I may know if the issue requires a good laugh or introspection. Some of my closest friends disagree with me often and I am grateful to them for this as it helps me appreciate how I am impeding progress. After a good laugh at the situation, I am able to return to the problem with a light heart and a newfound commitment to change or else I am no longer humorous.

Finally, when I am limiting my circle to those who only agree with me, I am limiting my ability to fully love. My signal for this is when I call my mother for help. My mom will support me no matter what I’m struggling with. The problem with this is, as much as my mother would have me believe, I don’t know everything. After I’ve had a wholesome exchange with my mother, I actively seek advice from those who challenge me such as my spouse or good friends so that I may become more open to a different approach when dealing with a challenging individual in order to succeed.

The ability to recognise when I have allowed myself to operate on auto-pilot helps me to stop what I am doing and return to a self-aware state using my strengths. The sooner I am aware, the faster I may learn from a challenging situation. The more open I am to challenges and different perspectives, the more well-equipped I become to achieve success; not just personal success but success for all. The result is higher peaks (success in abundance) and shallower valleys (growth cycles) on my personal growth journey.

3. I plot my personal growth over time to be able to reflect upon the journey and learnings.

When I look back and reflect upon my personal growth journey, I can see where I have misstepped and where my character has faltered. However, I can also see that my commitment to learning from these failures has allowed me to succeed in the future. I am continually progressing and I am experiencing success as a process focused on improvement. 

As an example, there was less humour and hope during the early years of building my family (time one - T1, in the above image) since I was exhausted and felt very little was within my control; our two boys seemed to be in charge and had most of the control. The reward for the struggles I experienced while building and growing my family, though, was an increase in love through observing the progress of our two boys and bravery by appreciating the support they continually require to build their own characters. 

As mentioned earlier, I have experienced some moments in my career where competition (“resume goals”) and collaboration (“eulogy goals”) overlapped (time two - T2, in the above image). Upon joining a start-up company, I immediately felt challenged; challenged that “good enough” would not be acceptable. Accountability was at the forefront of all of our minds and we were up for the challenge. In this new environment, there was much conflict, many challenging conversations and few boundaries were honoured. I found it exhilarating to test each other's abilities, and exhausting to work through the conflict based environment. One afternoon, I recall three of us exchanging roles to stretch our abilities and not realising we were doing each others’ jobs after an hour or more; magic. At the end of my time at this company, I discovered the value I bring to an organisation when I am free and able to be myself. My value is my ability to appreciate and respect all others willing to offer their skills to an organisation; this allows me to challenge us all to do better.

Being laid off from a company I helped build (time three - T3, in the above image) certainly tested my confidence (bravery) and ability to love freely. However, the support, learnings and laughter I experienced from those who remained around me during this period was beyond what I would’ve imagined. What I learned about myself when I was tested in that way was priceless. I learned that I had the knowledge, confidence and a certain set of strengths to know I was ready to run a successful business. I did not need more skills, training or experience but the self-confidence and support to get started. Do I have regrets? Yes, I regret that I felt the need to blame others when faced with the company's immense pressure to succeed; I was not at my best. Yet, had I not experienced the stress I felt in this particular situation, I would not have gained the ability to empathise with others experiencing similar stresses or pressure. 

Being hit with concerns in my family’s life has recently tested my character and yet I have found a way to improve. I have experienced significant setbacks in the past but reaffirmed what my core values and character are, allowing me to return to the commitment of improving my “eulogy goals”. I believe we are a product of our genetics, upbringing and experiences. Some experiences are large enough to set us on a different course in our careers, perhaps even large enough to alter our character. After a significant setback, I find it helpful to reaffirm what is most important to me through self-reflection and seeking feedback and support from those in my inner circle; this ensures me that I am still on the right course. As much as I have to offer an organisation or industry, it cannot be at the expense of my loved ones or my health as that would violate my values and true character. 

4. I continually review my work-life balance.

It is no coincidence that the times I have experienced great success in my career often overlap with when my character has also significantly advanced (as shown in the above image). A reflection upon my career success vs. my character development shows that the peaks and valleys of each are related and impact each other. It is said that growth does not come without discomfort. I believe that my commitment to continually developing and growing my character when challenged (either personally, financially or through my career) has led to a successful life. Again, I am reminded by what is within my control; character building is within my command. I know I am lucky to be employed considering the current Alberta economy and am committed to using my strengths to stay in the game as long as possible. 

I do not believe that one needs to know everything to lead in one’s field. In fact, resiliency, an appreciation of others’ strengths and skills, a commitment to a better future, the desire to laugh along the way and a love of learning will not only allow for my success in the future, but provide a nurturing environment for others to also succeed. The beauty of building a strong character is that I can truly be myself, unguarded and committed. I can sleep at night knowing that I did not take from someone else to achieve my personal success and I am okay with not necessarily being recognised for it. And, when I am challenged, I know that something great will be achieved (either personally or professionally) provided that I stay true to myself.

5. I am grateful for all who acknowledge, support and challenge me.

I have many reasons to be grateful; at a minimum, I woke up this morning safe and healthy in this beautiful country. When I am challenged it is easy to assign blame onto others and when things are going well, it’s easy to take personal credit. It is difficult remembering all those who challenged me to improve or provided me with the opportunity to succeed. To ensure I maintain an awareness of others when I am challenged or when I am achieving success, I commit to showing them gratitude. It is our ability to create and maintain meaningful connections that has allowed us to thrive as a species. I am committed to feeling and showing gratitude for others on a daily basis. This can be something as simple as being grateful for someone sharing with me what they did on their weekend off. It is even better when that weekend includes time with me and some laughs. I am grateful for any moments where I feel acknowledged or supported by another. I am grateful for every time I was told “no” or held back as it has made me appreciate the times when I have been free to thrive. I am grateful for every opportunity I have been given by family, friends and acquaintances. I am grateful for all those in my life that both support and challenge me to be a better person than I was yesterday. I am grateful for the great friends who have used their personal time to help me formulate this article. I am grateful to you for taking the time to read this, and hope that you may use these 5 steps I built to help you with your success now and into the future. Be well, All!

Thank you to Alise Vandersalm, Alyssa Brownlee, Devin Toth, Naomi Wiebe and my Anonymous Editor.

Credits: Icons made by "https://www.flaticon.com/authors/freepik" "https://www.flaticon.com/authors/skyclick" "https://www.flaticon.com/authors/smashicons"

Image 2 - Bill Oxford "Metal Gears" (Unsplash)

Image 3 - Christian Widell "Close up shot of white flower" (Unsplash)