If Success Was Easy, Everyone Would Have It.

Two years ago today, I was taking the stage to deliver my TedX talk. I was panicked. It doesn't matter if you have spoken to thousands of people a thousand different times, taking on the little red dot felt different for me.

It felt different for a few reasons.

First of all, I had taken a google alert out on TedX speakers wanted in 2018 and I had applied for 100 different opportunities. I was told NO every single time.

Then I met Cindy by chance who happened to be a TedX volunteer and coached me up to realize I was handling my submissions all wrong. I was making the pitch about ME and what a great speaker I was instead of making it about the BIG IDEA and how it wrapped in with their theme. I completely shifted gears and pitched my big idea that C-students are meant for the C-suite and how that supported the theme Rethinking Relationships. I finally got the YES for TedX Boca Raton 10/26/19.

I wrote the speech for the 17 minutes I thought every TedX speaker was given and I was on my way. Until I wasn't. I received a call from the head of the event that they believed I should dig deeper on my talk and come back to them with something more vulnerable. After many nights writing and re-writing my talk I came up with The Me-Too Movement: Mis-step or Mistake. The big idea was that while there are male villains in the workplace the most evil and surprising villain a woman will ever face at work is actually another woman.

This was definitely digging deeper as I had just been fired by another woman in corporate America and was still reeling from it. Then I was told I would only have 10 minutes for my talk. Then I was told the beginning of my talk was not powerful enough. Then I was told that out of the entire speaker line up that day I would be on first. Then I was told I needed to re-write my talk and submit it for approval. Are you beginning to see why this was getting stressful?

I worked on this speech more than any other I had given over the last 20 years. I visualized it going well. Every night I watched TED talks from my couch taking notes on what I liked and what I wanted to emulate. I drove to the venue a few weeks before the event to take pictures and envision myself delivering an amazing speech. I put the work in.

The day of the event we were told to arrive in the morning for a quick walk through. I showed up with my hair in a knot and eye patches on. We were walked around the venue and then out of no where I was told to take the stage and test the mic. I jumped up on stage and the head of the event told me to give my talk. I wasn't ready. I wasn't dressed. I wasn't in the right mindset. I hadn't listened to my playlist I use before big talks. I hadn't gone through my routine. I choked. Seriously, I couldn't get past the first line. I jumped off the stage and was met with a woman laughing at me who told me I reminded her of her friend who made it to the NFL only to choke when he got the chance to kick a field goal.

Never take criticism from someone you wouldn't go to for advice.

I let her know that she was not helpful and I left the venue. I got to my car and started crying. What if I had worked so hard for this and I was going to choke in a few hours.

I got into my routine. I played my fire me up playlist I always play before a big speech. I surrounded myself with people who love and support me and remind me of how far I have come. I wrote on the bottom of my shoes: I CAN & I WILL.

I ran through my notes, inhaled lavender oil and kept my earbuds in while rocking out to my music. Then they called my name.

I remember saying to myself:

If you don't go out there, you will never forgive yourself; if you go out there and blow it, I will be so proud of you.

And then I walked out.

I don't remember anything else until about a minute in. Let me know if you see the moment I come to while on stage. And please let me know what you think of this 10 minute TedX Talk.

Have you ever pushed yourself into something you were terrified of doing?

#gratitude #keynotespeaker #ted #tedx #leadership