Succeeding on Purpose Part III: Failing Forward

I failed last week. I failed at work and at home. It certainly wasn't a week that would make the highlight reel of my journey as a wife or a consultant. However, as I reflect on the happenings leading me here today, I can recognize that even in the face of defeat, I am better for having gone through it. No one likes to lose a deal or disappoint someone they love but failure is unfortunately inevitable. We will all at some point in our personal and/or professional lives, fail to meet an obligation or expectation. So why not in the process of failing, look for something to make the shame, lost time, and other potential ramifications count for good? An unexpectedly excellent conversation with a friend today, reminded me that we learn more from failing than we ever do from success. When we succeed at a task, we assume we have executed it correctly and even optimally, and continue to follow that pattern. Have you ever heard someone say "If it ain't broke don't fix it."? Of course you have. While logical on the surface, the adage doesn’t exactly invite innovation or the opportunity to improve in the presence of success. Maybe that is why start-up culture promotes failing fast. In contrast, when an experience doesn't meet an expectation and we don't achieve a desired outcome, we are faced with the choice of accepting defeat and never trying again or seeking a new path to a different outcome. This week I am choosing the path forward, taking with me all the lessons I've learned ago. Here’s what I know about failing forward.

Acknowledgement

In my opinion, the most critical and arguably most difficult aspect of failing forward is acknowledging your role in the failure that has taken place. Whether you are highly self-critical or sorely lack self-awareness there is a level of difficulty for everyone in acknowledging that they set out to do something and missed the mark. It's why we don't announce our plans at the start of a journey or keep our ambitions quiet until we achieve them. No one enjoys announcing that the big deal they were excited about fell through, the project they were leading didn't meet its objectives, or that they are struggling to balance the responsibilities of their career and personal commitments. However, just like the benefits of most vaccines are on the other side of the prick of a needle, acknowledging that the desired outcome was not achieved is the first step. Even more important is acknowledging that you - your actions, your decisions, your behaviors - played a part in the outcome. If you don't believe you had a role to play in the failure, double check your assumptions by asking yourself, "If this endeavor had succeeded, what actions would I be giving myself credit for?". If you can give yourself credit for actions that contribute to success, then it's likely that you had a role in the failure, however small it may be, and there is something for you to learn.?

Understanding

Once you have gotten over the hump of acknowledgement, you can move on to the meatier, more tactical exercise of understanding the sequence of events that got you to the current set of outcomes. I seek understanding from two perspectives: "What could I have done differently and how would that have impacted the outcome?" or "How could I have been a more effective leader and how would that have impacted the outcome?". Through the first lens, I look at the tactical things that I could have done differently. For example, spending more time researching solutions, creating adequate time for reflection before submitting or presenting, or speaking up during a prep session when I disagree with the direction are examples of personal actions that can have a direct impact on the outcome. The second lens is directly tied to my leadership philosophy and may not be applicable for everyone. If any part of the team that I am charged with leading breaks down or fails, then there is a failure on my part to effectively lead. That could be anything from not assembling the right collection of contributors to accomplish the task, not understanding the motivations of those individuals to effectively drive shared success, or failing to create a clear path forward and anything in between. Through these lenses I can usually identify a handful of lessons to carry forward and areas of improvement for myself. This part is important but don't spend too much time here, the real work starts after understanding.

?Action

If you gathered anything at all from the previous exercise, then it's time to take action. This is where the forward part of the methodology comes into play. Take what you understand, the gaps that you have found, the habits that need to be broken and get to work on practicing ways to improve. In all of you fixing it is important to remember that you are only capable of changing what is in your control. If you identify growth areas for others along the way, pass them on respectfully, and eliminate them from your to do list. You can support others in their own quest to fail forward but it's most effective when you are invited to do so. The most impactful thing you can do for others in this process is lead loudly and share how you are moving forward. Armed with your development plan, it's also important to remember that while you are amazing, you are not all powerful. Sometimes tings don't work out for reasons outside of your control. I believe in divine timing, you don't have to, but either way understand that there are sometimes factors influencing outcomes beyond your control.? Even in those situations, be prepared to show up as the best possible version of yourself and take the experience that every opportunity brings.

While I am not thrilled about the banner week that is now behind me, I learned a lot. I am grateful for the chance to stretch in ways that I had not been previously presented with, new revelations about myself including skills, blind spots and shortcomings that I did not know I had, and the opportunity to move forward in failure graciously. Until next week, love hard, live well, and be great!