To Succeed Together, We Need to Value What Makes Us Different

Our biases often cause us to expect conformity without even realizing what we are doing. And then when you layer power and management systems on top of that, that expectation gets baked into who we hire, promote, and fire. Unconscious bias gives way to discrimination.

When we are at our worst, we seek to establish dominance or to bully others at work, rather than seeking to collaborate with them. And again when you layer management systems and power on top of those instincts, things go from bad to worse.

Bullying gives way to harassment, physical violations, and violence. These are universal human failings. “Progressive” organizations drift toward coercion and conformity as surely as do “conservative” ones. But these problems are not inevitable.

If we want each person we’re working with to bring their full potential to our collaborative efforts, we need to honor one another’s individuality rather than demanding conformity. None of us (except actors) can do their best work while pretending to be somebody they aren’t.

Telling people to bring their best to work while discouraging them from being their true selves seems obviously doomed to fail. But we do that all the time, usually unconsciously.

Often we advertise that we admire people who “think different,” but then we punish or ostracize outliers. Successful collaboration requires diversity of thought and experience. Part of the benefit of collaboration is that “many hands make a light load.” But the more important benefit is that it allows us to challenge each other because each of us has a different point of view, different life experiences.?

One person easily notices something that another person is oblivious to. But if that person is punished for speaking up, they will remain silent and nobody gets the benefit of their observation. When we challenge one another, we improve one another’s work. That is why feedback at work is so vital to our individual and collective growth and success.

If we were all exact clones, we’d lose much of the benefit we get from working together. What is impossible for one person is simple for another. What is tedious drudgery for one person is a pleasure for another. We need one another.

As Denise Hamilton explains on this week’s Radical Candor Podcast , if we stop talking to those who have different values and opinions then we’re all basically siloed in our own echo chambers, stating:

“If we decide we’re going to stop talking to the Flat Earthers, the only people they have left to talk to are other Flat Earthers. And that superimposes and reinforces the concepts in a circle, and you’re never going to penetrate or get any kind of connection or reconnection with that person. We have to stay in relationship.”

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Radical Respect is a weekly newsletter I am publishing on LinkedIn to highlight?some of the things that get in the way of creating a collaborative, respectful working environment. A healthy organization is not merely an absence of unpleasant symptoms. Creating a just working environment is about eliminating bad behavior and reinforcing collaborative, respectful behavior. Each week I'll offer tips on how to do that so you can create a workplace where everyone feels supported and respected. Learn more in my new book Radical Respect , available wherever books are sold! You can also follow Radical Candor? and the Radical Candor Podcast more tips about building better relationships at work.