Subterfuge

Sometimes you are the difference between their success and their failure...

Last week, I talked about how we sometimes overestimate ourselves. This week, let’s balance that by recognizing the opposite: sometimes, we underestimate ourselves.

In that job, that group, that meeting—sometimes we are the bridge between what others want and the status quo. We probably grew up with the mantra “In all things, modesty!” drummed into our ears. And while this wisdom helped us toward healthy relationships and humility, it also caused us to start feel less significant. Instead of seeing ourselves as valuable assets wherever we are, we sometimes start to see ourselves as invisible, inconsequential—as if nobody would even notice if we disappeared. And that, my friend, is not good for you.

- Who would have written that proposal that won your organization that $50,000 grant?

- Who would have signed that final line that made the communiqué official and binding?

- Who would have led that song in church?

- Who would have represented that organisation?

- Who would have given that speech?

- Who would have led that prayer?

- Who would have stood up to that one unruly colleague?

- Who would have headed that delegation?

Maybe someone else could have done these things. But this time, it was you who did it. ?Get that.

Lesson: Celebrate, my dear, yourself.

?...but don’t let that get to you!

True, you did it –whether it was a win or a flop. If it was a flop, it would be easier to want to seek a hole to bury yourself [in shame], and wanting to, as quickly as possible, dissociate yourself from the process. You may feign annoyance at whoever draws your attention to the bag of mess that you delivered. The thing about ego: it vanishes once it knows it is a total disaster. And human beings have an amazing, annoying, funny way of dealing with Mr Ego. They would jab and jab it until it finally decides to do two things: accept defeat, or become aggressive to those who want to confront its decision to forge victory. So...safe to say that when you flop at the task, nothing gets to you. Except the few jabs and side laughs, sarcasm, and dark humour from detractors.

How about when you win? I mean a resounding, learn-from-her kind of victory?

That’s where my advice from last week comes in handy.

When we win, unlike when we fail, our brain tends to send a heavy signal to us, and as a result, we may begin to react differently to things around us. Shoulders go high, pride shoots up, etc.

One thing about the glow of success is that they can be a double-edged sword: they may momentarily drown out self-doubt, but they also have the potential to inflate our egos to the point of bursting.

It is easy to celebrate in the spotlight, but what about when the lights dim? How do you carry yourself when the clapping fades? What comes next?

The world continues.

Lesson: Balance, my dear, is the point.

?Days when God goes...AWOL

Have you ever had days when it feels like God just packed a bag, left town, and forgot to tell you where He was going? Those days when prayers seem to hit the ceiling and bounce back, unanswered? It’s like dialling a number only to hear, “This MTN number you’re trying to call is currently switched off; please try again later. Thank you.” You pray, you cry, you search, you wait—nothing.

It’s stupid to keep talking when the other end of the line is dead silent, but when we think of praying as reaching out to a friend who is simply listening, even when you can’t hear their response –, it helps. This is the time to pray. Tell God how you feel. If you are angry, say it. If you’re sad, say it.

When we’re lost, one of the best ways to move forward is to remember where we came from. Look back on times when God showed up in your life. Remind yourself of who God is, what He has done, and how far He has brought you.

Don’t drop everything and wait until He “comes back!”

Lesson: God has no passport; he goes nowhere.

Twins

Mary Slessor is popular for “abolishing the killing of twins” in a part of my country. Decades later, where is the place of superstition and unverified pieces of information? About 2 weeks ago, rumours started flying that the Chief of Army Staff was dead. Who started it, I don’t know, but I do think that such a person deserves more than just a tweet discrediting the info from DHQ.

In the days of Mary Slessor, superstition came from an absence of knowledge. People didn’t know why twins were born, so they feared them. They didn’t understand, so they assumed the worst. Now, even with all the access to information at our fingertips, we’re quick to latch onto rumours, half-truths, shadows of facts.

There’s a responsibility that comes with information: a duty to verify before we share, to pause before we believe. In Slessor’s time, the fight was against ignorance. Today, our battle is with misinformation, with rumours that threaten to distort reality, create unnecessary panic, and cast shadows where there should be none.

Lesson: Superstition, after all, is just a stand-in for truth.

Potahto potato

On Saturday, I finally dug up the sweet potatoes I’d planted a few months back. Boy, oh boy, was it bountiful!

While harvesting, no fewer than five different people came over, and each one asked for the leaves and stalks, you know, those bits of greenery that I’d normally consider scraps. I had absolutely no use for those stalks myself, but these people? Before I knew it, a small crowd had gathered, and they eyed each other, each one hoping that they would walk away with the greenery.

Isn’t that how life often is? Sometimes, you’re sitting on something —an ability, a gift, a skill—that you take for granted, something you assume has no special value. You can’t imagine anyone paying for it or even caring about it. You wonder why you should even bother developing it. But then something happens, and suddenly, BOOM: that thing you thought was useless becomes the most coveted, most precious asset.

There is something about our own gifts that makes us blind to them. We see them up close every day, feel them under our skin, and hear them as background noise in our minds. Like the potato stalks, these gifts can seem almost... ordinary, and even forgettable. You might be the friend who always has the right words in a crisis, or the one who can make anyone laugh in any gloom, or you may be the quiet colleague who spots details everyone else overlooks. These qualities, to you, are just part of your nature. But to someone else? Invaluable!

Not everyone realizes the value of what they have in the moment—it may take years, decades even, for that potential to be recognized, both by yourself and by others. If you are in the wrong frame of mind, you will miss the worth of even the most precious thing. For instance, I could have just thrown those stalks away without a second thought, cleared the field, bagged up only the potatoes, and moved on. In doing so, I would have robbed those people of something they needed. Yet, how often do we do the same with our talents? We set aside our unique qualities because we don’t see them from the right angle, or perhaps we don’t see them at all. Sometimes, it is only when others come around that we realize the true worth of what we have.?

Lesson: Perspective shapes value.

Trump, Harris, and everyone/everything/everywhere in-between

The U.S. election has come and gone, and all eyes—both American and global—are fixed on how the new government would unfurl come January nest year. Amidst this watchfulness, there is a particular set of people who aren’t all that informed about what’s actually at stake. And here, I’m not just talking about the dates, deadlines, or the elected officials. There’s a deeper, more complex system at play, one that some overlook entirely.?

And isn’t that so telling of our world today? How often do we see it: people making hasty, unverifiable claims about situations, about people, or about places they don’t fully understand? They catch a glimpse, form a half-baked theory, and let it loose.

Think about the last time someone made a sweeping assumption about you or something you hold dear. They might not have known the first thing about your journey, your struggles, or the resilience it took just to make it through each day. But did that stop them? Not for a second. Opinions flew, judgments landed, and there you were, on the receiving end of stories and theories you knew nothing about. That’s what’s happening now, on a grander scale, as people offer their views on the American political system, sometimes without ever understanding its history.

The U.S. election has come and gone, with its share of noise, opinions, and narratives shared by both informed and uninformed. And just like that, life will continue to offer up situations where people speak loudly about things they barely know. But will you let those voices shape your view of yourself or your choices?

The choice, really, is yours.

Lesson: It is one thing to have an opinion; it’s another entirely to speak with conviction about something you only partially grasp

Is badmouthing...still a weapon?

Last Friday, my friend and I went to visit another friend. When it was time to leave, we needed a keke to take us from Lowcost to Rukuba Road, via Miango Road. We hailed a keke driver and asked for the fare. He told us a price way beyond what we usually paid for that route. Naturally, we tried to negotiate, but it became clear he wasn't budging, so we shrugged it off and moved on. As we walked away, we heard him mutter, “You’ll trek your life out without finding a keke to take you where you’re going!” The way he said it, with such bitter certainty...! My friend turned back, looked him in the eye, and replied, “Give us a minute or two!” We kept walking, not thinking much of it—just hoping that our luck would turn.

And it did. True to my friend's words, within two minutes, another keke pulled up, and the driver agreed to take us to Rukuba Road for a much fairer fare. We settled into the seats, I smiled.

The universe, it seems, had a sense of humour that day. Our new keke went back to the junction, looking to pick up one last passenger. And there was our first keke driver. He looked over, recognised us instantly, and then, without a word, shifted his gaze. My friend and I laughed.

That keke driver’s parting shot was just words. Empty words! It’s funny how, for some people, badmouthing feels like the last weapon they have, a way to regain some sense of power when they feel it slipping. But the truth? Words without substance or kindness often reveal more about the person saying them than the people they’re aimed at.

And that’s how it often is. Some people, lack genuine influence or kindness, so they turn to their words, and use them like swords. They threaten, criticize, or curse, hoping their words alone can shift the world. But words without truth or integrity quickly lose their sting. They may echo in the air for a moment, but soon enough, they dissipate, leaving the speaker looking smaller, while you continue on your way, unharmed and undeterred.

Imagine the countless instances we encounter this in our everyday lives—someone making a snide comment, a passing remark meant to cut. Sometimes it’s out of frustration, other times it is out of jealousy or plain spite. People who rely on badmouthing often feel that they’re “winning” a moment, but in reality, they’re missing something vital: the bigger picture. Real power doesn’t lie in petty comments; it’s in actions, in kindness, in being the person who shows grace when others would curse.

When we take in other people’s words—especially those filled with negativity or bitterness—we carry an unnecessary weight. There are countless times people have tried to rain on someone else’s parade just because they could. The difference is in our reaction. Just like my friend, we can choose to respond lightly or simply move on without a second thought.

And maybe –just maybe–, the people who throw those words around so carelessly will learn that they don’t have the power they thought. They’ll see that the world keeps moving, with or without their bitterness.

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Lesson: Every time we resist the urge to get pulled into someone else’s negativity, we reclaim our peace, our energy.

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Until next week,

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#K

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This week, I talk about:

1.?????? Sometimes you are the difference between their success and their failure...

2.?????? ...but don’t let that get to you!

3.?????? Days when God goes...AWOL

4.?????? Twins

5.?????? Potahto potato

6.?????? Trump, Harris, and everyone/everything/everywhere in-between

7.?????? Is badmouthing...still a weapon?