STUPID! Our Infatuation with Everyone Else’s Inadequacy

Let me start by highlighting a recent phenomenon that struck me. It is widely recognized in some areas that we can say whatever we want about someone if followed by “bless their heart.” The recent variation I’m hearing starts with, “I like them as a person. . . “ after which their competence, professionalism, etc. will be disparaged. 

Have you heard this? Said it? Considered it? It could apply in a number of settings, but it’s particularly common at work. As long ago as 1999 – the last millennium, I spotted a trend amongst coworkers in which they individually criticized the productivity, effectiveness, work-ethic of their coworkers seeming to feel that they were themselves the hardest-working, smartest or otherwise superior. I LOVE irony so it’s not lost on me that if each person was really so clearly head and shoulders above everyone else that our organization would be unstoppable. Of course our undoing may have been second-guessing and looking down on each other. Diversity not at work! 

I mean diversity in its broadest context. I start with diversity, because I wonder about the driver for our infatuation with everyone else’s inadequacy – at work, at home, with spouses, parents, friends, etc.

I start with diversity because I jump to the notion that we lack empathy. If we more fully understood or even gave others the benefit of the doubt, maybe we’d more readily see their value – beyond the blessing of their heart or their general position in humanity – i.e., above a dog. Or do we like dogs more? Dogs are the BEST! Definitely better than cats, and cat people – they are the WORST. Oops, see, there I go . . .

Is it lack of empathy or is it a defense mechanism? Do we look to/assume others’ stupidity in defense of our self-image/ego? Do we REALLY feel that good about our own contributions and capabilities that others’ pale in comparison or does our sense of self require that we rank others beneath us?

To be clear this is NOT about the stupid acts of others, this is about our assumptions or conclusions regarding the value of others and their actions. If you think I’m being needlessly redundant, consider that I don’t think you get it and am disgusted that I have to repeat myself. Can you ever get enough of irony!?!

Is it BOTH lack of empathy and ego-preservation?

Through life’s journey recognize that you have been on but one path and that the people around you, while in the same place may not be in the same space. As much as you may want to provide them the benefit of what you know take the time and be open to benefit from what they know. There is strength in that. How much bigger can we be if we take time to understand and in that genuinely bless each other?