Stuff Albatross

The holiday season is when westerners light up, abuzz with the “spirit of giving”. In fact, 31% of charitable donations in the US happen in the month of December. That holiday spirit (and a sprinkle of tax benefits) drives us to help those less fortunate at this time of year more than any other.

The downside of American giving is the obscene amount of unnecessary, non-charitable stuff brought into our lives. We herd hungrily into department stores, scroll aimlessly through e-commerce sites, and spend spend spend. We do this because it the cultural norm for showing each other we care. According to estimates in recent years, Americans now spend an average of $1000 or more on gifts for others, while the highest spending Europeans purchase under $350. In 2018, it is pretty hard to argue (credibly) that Americans love each other three times more than Europeans, so is it really necessary to spend so much on stuff?

From the outside looking in (as an American living in Europe), I say NO wholeheartedly. Two years ago, I got rid of 95% of everything and moved to The Netherlands. The purge had to be done quickly and ruthlessly, and it was both very challenging and exceptionally liberating. The (mostly) stuff-less freedom continued for well over a year, because I rented a furnished apartment. That meant the only things I needed to purchase were stuff to put in my body or stuff to put on it, and someone else was responsible for the rest. Imagine being able to fit everything you own into a few suitcases*. Imagine how much simpler things are when there is no need to drag a bunch of stuff along. Glorious!

It was important for me to maintain low stuff levels for as long as possible, so for Christmas last year I asked my family not to buy me anything. This was because I am not a stuff person, had spent most of my holiday funds on travel to see them, and they were getting wacky things I had purged from storage (they were forewarned). Because “no gifts, please” is not an option in our family, my request was for small, useful things, preferably stuff they already owned or wanted to re-gift. This was an outstanding success, and two Christmas morning packages were absolutely unforgettable. 

The first was a stack of beautiful hand made journals someone had originally given to my sister. They were a re-gift of epic proportions, because I love to write, love hand-made stuff, love paper, and there were three of them… which meant I could re-re-gift one if the right person came along. The second was a small teddy bear from my nephew. His gesture made it clear he’s growing up, and he was thoughtful enough to give me one of his childhood friends to make the grey Dutch winter a little brighter.

My family respected a very non-American request and delivered in a meaningful way. There was also no shopping stress, and it was really fun to go through and plan the redistribution of old kitsch. My little sister received a neat wind up tin toy she’d given me as a birthday gift a decade ago. My friend’s kid got a box full of goofy and random stuff, much of which her mom and I had sent each other as a joke at some point in the last 15 years. The last of my favorite textiles went to my favorite crafty folks. More purging and more memories revisited. Awesome.

The holidays are always such a blur, but it is impossible to forget the joy of creating new memories with loved ones that are laced with a touch of the past. It is impossible to erase the pleasure of sifting through the physical remnants of the past to send laughter to others. It is possible to give something wonderful without buying more stuff. It is incredible to exchange items with a history and a value that is so much richer than the numbers printed on a receipt.

Stuff is just an albatross. Sharing the best of the years before and building new memories to look back on in the future are truly the best gifts. 

*In full transparency, there are still some books and mementos in storage that I bring back from the US as suitcase space allows.

Statistics are a non-scientific average of several data sources: Gallup, Deloitte 1, Deloitte 2, Forbes