Stuck, unstuck

I realized as I wrote this I have been doing all of these things all my life, before Tony Robbins, before Jay Shetty, Mel Robbins, before all the ‘gurus’. And no I am not a millionaire with a multi product businesses – (not yet )?so I will continue to listen to them all!

I know I am influenced by both my parents, and two very successful siblings, Sarah and Barry: Mum a meticulous book keeper who on retirement was applauded by never being out “by a penny” in the days of non computational book keeping and Dad a tech guy before there were tech guys – selling computer systems before the micro chips existed that run our phones (and our lives). He handed me Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now 25 years ago. I think all of us have evolved and understand overcoming barriers and moving forward, ?most of us are dab hands, so good at achieving our goals but there are times when goals "feel" more obstructed than at other times. This summer was full of them for me, full to the brim. I felt I failed.

As a coach if I cannot self-reflect, understand why I got stopped in my ‘flow’, how can I coach others? I had set goals in January, but got blocked . This is what happened:

Not doing the daily (granular) actions

Best way to get to your bigger macro goals, is to write down daily tasks, yes for every day, it’s that simple, if you fail to do the tasks in front of you, getting to the wider bigger goals won’t happen. As a culture we are fixated on the outcome and do not spend enough time in the actions (which at the best of times, can be boring).?Its a process, stick with it: it works. I can vouch for that. So how focused was I at the beginning of the year? very: every day I had filled out a productivity page, going through minor tasks to move toward my bigger goals. And I felt good earlier, but it fell off a cliff....

Do I really want this? – the hardcore question

You have to ask yourself do I really want this to succeed and the answer for me is ‘yes’ but I felt that the amount of work that I had to invest, was just, well too much. I had set one goal to create a workshop on finance for our industry (advertising) which I had built, delivered once and totally enjoyed. Did I bother to re-sell it? No ? why? So an unusual verb pops into my mind: ‘laziness’, was it laziness? I would never consider myself lazy but the thought of building a business on top of the day job just seemed well …too hard… so this sound track is playing in the background as I move into the spring…not great. Felt unmotivated – dragging myself along....

Loss or lack of emotional support

In Maslow's hierarchy of needs, belonging and love is key to self-actualisation. Without it you are missing a building block. Without the emotional support of someone in your corner, it is harder to feel as supported. Fact. My ‘person in my corner’ in my son James, who was away on his J1, and I missed him, it made me realize the phrase empty nest is in fact a much more painful emotional strain, a much more loaded experience. I have to get used to it though: he may work abroad, he will move out. And so I prepare for the future.

Without a partner you have no fall back, no net. All the small supports. Tiny as they may be they add up. And on the bigger scale, the person who listens, who gives advice or not, makes such a difference. That active listening with a partner can be transformational.

Working alone: two is better than one

My wonderful colleague Julie Griffith like me has been busy with the day job (research projects)?and with the summer in general, so we had not spoken until last week. Once we did the sparks and ideas started flying and flowing. A colleague, with their unique POV,?makes it so much more interesting and tenable to build an offering. Julie’s further education in doing a masters in coaching, her knowledge of spotlight TM and all the hours she is accumulating in coaching is inspiring: we all need this person in our life. Along with Julie I have many inspiring self-employed business friends and I am so proud of them all and love to celebrate their achievements, they act as an inspiring backdrop to my life some of them, not all of them: emmawebb.design, Melissa Curry, Cathy O'Donohoe, Tara Wilkinson, @catherinemaher to name but a few.

The Surprise/The Unseen

A little illness came out of no-where involving surgery, many stitches and a general, and what could be a life altering conversation. What this did though was act as a fantastic positive re-set/re-focus button. This has given me the clarity to get going on all my daily actions and start stepping up toward my bigger goals. It maybe was the kick up the a** I needed. (also another reminder from the universe that we do not know what is going on in other people’s lives, so be patient and be kind).

So...

Writing it down it has helped clarify what I need to do. September is a great month for re-set and re-start. Will check in with myself in three months and tell you how I am doing (even if you haven't asked). We must work to avoid the negative mindsets control our trajectory, sabotage our confidence and the great potential that lies within all our lives.

Coaching is an invaluable tool for all of us, successful or not, stuck or unstuck, could not recommend it highly enough. Sure didn't I do it on myself.