Stuck in the Middle: Values and Shame in Reading

In a student’s life, there are several “institutions.” These institutions are where a child is held to certain values, learns, and adopts values. Among those are family, school, and perhaps religion. Over time values learned in institutions or settings become “this is the way it’s always been done.” Within there is a hierarchy that a student is molded by and complies with, that being teachers, parents, etc. Buried deep is the child’s own identity – how they become themselves within or outside of these institutions.

We are a bit more fortunate in education today. Many movements celebrate the identities of one and all. Schools are more conducive to helping students discover that identity and evolve throughout the school years. However, there are limits.? The institutions in which a child is raised aren’t always harmonious (never mind the influence of social media). When the values of such institutions align, it could be argued students have the best chance to succeed and are likely to adopt an identity that evolves into the best representation of who they are. Then there’s the dark side – when students are caught in between “authority” figures (using Alice Miller’s language) to which the student finds a way to survive (i.e. parents – food and shelter; teacher – academics and grades.

Jane Middleton-Moz (1990) explains, “When a child suffers from debilitating shame. The only way they can survive is to defend and adapt to the requirements and needs of those who depend on them for survival. Let’s consider examples of students who desire to excel in school, by the standards set by the school and/or the teacher versus the expectations held at home.

1)? When we assign reading expectations, they may not align with expectations at home. Ours could be lower. Take the case where a child is well above reading level and is invited to engage in self-selected books for independent reading.? Knowing the student is high above level, they settle for graphic novels because they are easier to read but also because “the teacher said I could read whatever I want.” This has at least two concerns, one being the student, though under high expectations to excel at school and home has not adopted that value into their lives. Two, while they may be on a high level and have an extensive reading background, we cannot presume those reading experiences have been meaningful. In other words, students can tell anyone the book is good, but cannot recall any features that would demonstrate deeper comprehension. With these circumstances, the level has been adopted as a high standard, but the student’s reading behaviors indicate something different. Consequently, the reader is in a precarious situation that will likely induce shame because they are playing a part (dissociating) to appease and appeal to the two valued authority figures in their lives. This reader will ultimately lean to whoever has the most influence or greatest impact on personal security.

2)? On occasion, there’s a student who doesn’t read outside of school. It’s not because they don’t want to, it’s not because they have adult-like responsibilities to carry. It’s that reading is not valued nor understood outside of school. Reading is not valued at home. In such a case, the teacher doesn’t have enough influence to inspire the student, and/or the student lags in reading development/reading achievement to understand any level of success, which likely influences their self-efficacy. They have decided they cannot meet the expectations or have resigned themselves to such a tragedy, thus withdrawing and retreating within themselves to avoid any feeling of shame, which is creating strong enough defenses or self-contempt to be affected by shame.

Students often have to attend to circumstances in their immediate lives and comply with those who have the most influence. This creates conflicts with classroom expectations from time to time with students being pulled in both directions. For instance, a student is expected to read thirty minutes a night. The student, knowing and perhaps respecting their teacher as a lead authority figure in their lives, doesn’t want to let the teacher down by not reading. As we know, “students feel ashamed when they are aware of other people’s standards for behavior and know they have violated these standards.” If a reader respects the teacher and wants to be held in high esteem, with sequenced transgressions, the student could begin to internalize shame after several failed attempts (and/or admissions) beyond their control. More, the student might be embarrassed to explain their circumstances, thereby hiding them, to maintain an image while dreaming of aspiring to meet those expectations to gain the affection of the respected adult, that being us, the teachers.

Whatever the case, our essential role is to be compassionate. I wrote the book “ I Hate Reading” because I realized my lack of compassion in the aim to be an example for improving reading achievement. I’ve learned that maturing readers deserve support and understanding before demands, demands they may not feel they can meet, or be able to meet be it, academic ability or life circumstances.? When we take time to understand our reader’s context and how we can help build reading into their lives while holding them accountable and practicing patience rather than demanding and punishing.

Arguably, the most important concept regarding shame is how people perceive their value as human beings and by whom. There is nothing more painful for a student than to feel rejected or to feel diminutive (perception) in the eyes of the one they value. The teacher. I’ve seen it. Students have felt it from me not because my expectations are lofty but because I’ve been known to be incessant about students meeting those standards.? When they can’t keep up or feel like they cannot attain those expectations, their affect sinks because they feel like they have failed me. It’s not that they have, but my affect, tone of voice, and change in pragmatics send a different message. Every child seeks acceptance and validation from valued adults. They wish not to be stuck between opposing forces where they are forced to decide which they aren’t necessarily ready to make. If not reading is a means to their survival and security, it doesn’t matter how much we inspire, it’s a matter of how much we empathize and support. Conversely, if a student’s expectations are greater outside of school than in school, sometimes it’s best to let our pedagogy go and support students working to achieve the expectations and values set for them.??

As teachers, we are integral to our reader’s sense of self and self-worth. Let’s not forget, as I have, they are still children. We are a significant influence on students, not by choice, but often by assignment. That is to say, we don’t pick who comes into our classrooms, we only have the opportunity to work with them within the narrow window of a school year. Our readers are not adults meaning they are not yet ready to stand on their feelings in terms of self-concept. But they may not be able to stand on their feet as adults if we don’t help them with the foundation for reading.?