Stuck

Melissa was stuck. She came to me because she knew she needed to leave her job. She also knew she was fundamentally incapable of doing that.

Months before I had met her at a relaxed, social, event given by the consulting firm I was working under at the time. The event was a kind of introduction to a program in intuition for which I was a faculty member. I, along with other faculty, was providing a few “tastes” of information we received through our intuition.? Within the first few minutes of speaking with her, I got what I call a download: I received information for her as an intuition or intuitive “hit.”

I asked her if I could share my hit with her and she eagerly said, “yes.” But when I shared the information, she wasn’t as eager. In fact, she frowned.

I had told her this:

“You need to allow your boyfriend to help with your girls. You are overextended, thinking you need to do everything yourself. He’s offered to help, right?”

Still frowning

She nodded slowly, still frowning.

“You also need to let him help with more of the household chores.”

“But he doesn’t do them as well as I do!” she blurted.

Here’s the rub: he was sitting right next to her. And while she was frowning, he was smiling. His smile was getting bigger.

I asked, “Is he open to feedback?”

The boyfriend

“Yes,” her boyfriend said, still smiling. “He is open to feedback.”

She elbowed him. It seemed playful but her face was still serious.

Now I addressed him. “You’re open to feedback and I bet you are willing to learn.” He nodded. “Do you think you could begin the process of doing some of the chores, getting some feedback, learning how to do things at least closer to the way Melissa does them?”

He nodded again.

Turning to her, I said, “And if he’s willing to accept feedback and make changes, are you willing to accept good enough for a while, while he learns?”

She nodded.

A tight smile

The next time I saw her was in my office. A tight smile flitted across her face and was gone.

“You were right, it’s made a big difference, having him help. It’s not just having him help with chores, it’s letting him be more a part of our family. It’s bringing us all closer.”

“But?”

“But I need to tackle the real problem: I need to leave my job. I can’t advance where I am.” She was shaking her head. “It’s too much of a good ole boys’ network. They aren’t going to allow me to make the decisions I need to make, hire and fire and take on new projects. They’ve got me boxed in.”

The real problem

I didn’t agree with her about what the “real problem” was.

“I’m just terrified of change. I don’t think I can do it. Change jobs.”

The last words came out muffled, choked. She was crying now, tears going down her cheeks.

And that, dear reader, was the real problem: anxiety and the perfectionism she relied on to attempt to control every aspect of her life.

We made a list

She told me she liked lists so we made a list:

• See her doctor and explore her options for any support she might need regarding medication or psychotherapy
• I taught her a breathing exercise to help with the anxiety.
• I explained what anxiety really is and how to work with it.

Six month later

Six months later, after we had worked together regularly, both she and her life looked quite different. She was far more relaxed, she and her boyfriend had decided to marry and were planning a wedding, she had a new job, and she smiled a whole lot more.

Where are you stuck? Wanna talk? DM me: https://www.dhirubhai.net/in/frangallaher/

Or https://bit.ly/RF-Discovery