Struggling to manage ODDI behaviours?

You might not recognise the acronym, but you will recognise these behaviours! ODDI seems to be the ‘go to’ communication for certain individuals, leaving managers or HR scratching their heads trying to work out where to go from here.

Read our latest HR blast to find how to recognise and manage 'ODDI' behaviours!?

When ‘clever’ communication backfires

In recent weeks, I’ve been struck by how often ODDI is the ‘go to’ communication for certain individuals.

It clearly works for them and may be vital in certain life-threatening situations (e.g. you’ve been kidnapped and are being interrogated – a bit extreme I know) but it’s immature and often unprofessional in most other situations.

Some see their use of ODDI as smart or intelligent. I see it as a waste of everyone’s time, disrespectful and the wrong approach if you value relationships.

A few years ago, I wrote to a lawyer who was threatening legal action on behalf of their client following a dismissal we had been supporting with. I pointed out that if they pursued the case, our defence would highlight the fact that they had advised their client against cooperating. Specifically, they instructed the client not to turn on their camera during online meetings, not to answer questions, and not to share thoughts or ideas which we were seeking with a view to avoiding the redundancy situation. This complete withdrawal of communication during our meetings meant that issues were not discussed and resolved, and we had no choice but to dismiss.

I couldn’t help but laugh when the lawyer snapped back, saying it was the first time a “lowly HR person” had ever called her out. But notably, no unfair dismissal claim was ever filed!

Being ‘clever’ when communicating, may feel as though it gives you the upper hand in the short term but it sure won’t make for great relationships or enable issues to be resolved.

So, what is ODDI?

Let’s get back to that….

Imagine you’re asking someone a straightforward question, for example:

On March 17th, you told your manager that you did not have time to take on [X task]. But on the same day, you left work early without providing an explanation. Can you explain?

If they are in ODDI mode, the response you get is likely to be one of the following…

Obfuscate/deflect

They don’t answer the question but instead throw so many other issues, ideas or distractions into the pot that no one notices the original question never got answered….

• Did someone complain behind my back?
• Have you breached my right to privacy?
• Why did you give me no notice of this meeting?
• Are you the right person to be discussing this with me?
• Is this the way you managed xyz situation a few months ago? I don’t believe you’re being consistent.
• You should have raised this a different way with me.

Deny

They weren’t there, it didn’t happen like that, they didn’t do that, they wouldn’t do something like that, how could anyone suggest they would do that, the information you have is wrong.

The biggest problem often with denying the reality to either ourselves or others, or both, is that we don’t take accountability for our actions, we don’t mature, learn and develop. The consequence of this will result in the same old issues repeatedly arising across our careers and lives.

“If we always do what we’ve always done, we’ll always get what we always got!”

Defend

They had no choice, the other person’s actions made them so mad, it’s their fault they lashed out, their manager is lousy so it’s not their fault they don’t do their work, they did what they did because they have xyz condition/illness/experience/issues, no one ever showed them how, everyone knows they’re shy so they shouldn’t expect them to communicate, their phone wasn’t working.

Ignore

This is when your question is met with silence.

It’s as though they simply never heard/read it. The other person is hoping you’ll forget you asked, or knows that in time you’ll forget you asked, or prefers to stick their head in the sand while the issue just disappears or resolves itself.

But ignoring a question is immature. If you don’t want to answer, say:

• ‘I don’t want to answer that question’
• ‘I feel uncomfortable answering that question’
• ‘I can’t answer that right now but let me reflect on my answer if that’s okay’

That might be frustrating, but it’s so much more mature than simply ignoring a question because you feel uncomfortable answering it.

On top of ignoring your question you might realise they, in fact, answered an entirely different question … one they’ve just made up for themselves. For example:

Q: Did you leave shift early? A: I’ve tried to explain to my manager on numerous occasions that the way shifts are worked out is very confusing and shifts aren’t always fairly distributed.

Recognising ODDI behaviour

• Mature adult discussions/conversations vs childlike/immature interactions
• Accountable, responsible, self-aware vs blame games, disengagement and victim behaviours
• Effective, supportive, collaborative vs disruptive, frustrating, and conflict creating

When faced with ODDI

• Recognise it for what it is.
• Call it out – respectfully.
• Be aware it often arises from low self-esteem, a need to protect oneself or a general feeling of defensiveness.
• Ask your question again … and again.
• Don’t allow yourself to be drawn into a different discussion.
• Don’t allow the meeting to close without clear answers.

Developing the right communication skills

If you have an ODDI communicator in your team who is frustrating but who brings great value this is how you might help them develop their communication effectiveness

Set the culture

• Emphasise in your team that you value adult professional communication – give examples of what that looks and sounds like.
• Ensure your team is aware there are no penalties for being honest or challenging others, if done respectfully and professionally – make sure all senior leaders and managers align with this.
• Ensure everyone understands what professional behaviour looks and feels like – if necessary, have a team session to ensure clarity and understanding.
• Be clear on expectations around responsibility and accountability and the importance of those in your adult culture.

Identify the problems

Identify with the individual concerned the problems actually being created in the team/business/meeting by their ODDI communication.

1. e.g. it creates frustrations and/or conflict
2. e.g. problems are not getting solved
3. e.g. you are struggling to trust them or see their integrity
4. e.g. you’re not engaging in a way that helps us move this issue forward

Offer where appropriate

• Communication training/coaching
• Responsibility and accountability training/coaching
• Assertiveness training/coaching including a reminder of that with every right we have, we have an equal responsibility

Just to finish, let’s be clear on this final point given that ODDI communication is often justified by the individual…

Rights and responsibilities

That’s just the way I am (I have a right to be who I am) vs that’s the way I am, but I recognise I have a responsibility to be aware of my impact on others so will make sure to adapt and compromise more often (responsibility).

I only speak to people I respect or like (my right) vs I prefer to mix with people I respect and like, however I recognise that I have a responsibility to co-operate and collaborate within the team irrespective of my views of certain individuals (my responsibility).

It’s my right to not answer the question vs it’s my right not to answer the question but I have a responsibility to abide by organisational processes and procedures as does everyone else so I accept that my failure to engage now means that you will now need to make decisions/take actions without my input.

How Jaluch can help

If you’re struggling with ODDI behaviours in your organisation, get in touch to see how we can support you, other take a look at our assertiveness, accountability or communication skills training options.

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Disclaimer:?The information contained within this article is for general guidance only and represents our understanding of employment and associated law and employee relations issues as at the date of publication. Jaluch Limited, or any of its directors or employees, cannot be held responsible for any action or inaction taken in reliance upon the contents. Specific advice should be sought on all individual matters.