Struggle Inspires Growth

I spoke to a group of professionals last week to share my story. I immediately thought, why my story? Our struggles feel personal but the journey for all of us is to work through the difficult times because this is where the growth happens.

It is not the outcome, it is the journey.?

It isn’t the success that people want to know. People want to learn about the challenges that? were presented along the way, in order to reiterate that it is worth it in the end. We believe that it is about our success which is the way to illustrate the story, but without the challenging times, our achievements are simply a line on a CV. The whole story is the growth that gets us to success.?

What is your story in the struggle, and will it inspire others? What do people need to hear??

I have plenty of stories of struggle and situations that I wish I could relive. I sometimes want to go back and change my actions to get through without the battle. But then I realized I wouldn’t be in the place I am today. I somehow feel like the other path that I could have taken still exists, but in fact, it ended when the new path began and brought me to where I am today.?

I wish I could practice what I preach and not look back at the most difficult times. I embody the same emotions and get mad at the situation when I do. It is easy to focus on the people and how I was wronged, but it is a waste of time. The people likely do not even remember the situation, and they are certainly not dwelling upon it.??

To look back and create value, the situation needs to have a zoomed-out view in order to leave the emotion in the past. This allows us to identify what we can take away and shift because of the circumstance.?

Last week, what struck me was that when you tell your story, it forces you to look back from the current state without transporting yourself into the feelings. Regret is pointless because it doesn’t lead anywhere. Regret is struggling without impact.?

So ask yourself, what have my struggles been? How would I tell my story, and what did I learn from the situation??

The story I shared with the group was about broken trust. I learned that I needed to recognize when emotion triggered a freeze in me. I always need to consider workplace politics and how those politics cause others to behave badly.?

Does the story help to illustrate those learning moments, you tell me.

I had taken a risk with two of my peers. They were in higher positions than me, and we had agreed to move forward with a multi-million dollar purchase without a signed contract. The reason was that our parent company partially owned the client, and the hardware was to satisfy a government mandate with a fast-approaching deadline. We would be in trouble with our corporate office if we could not comply as it was press-worthy with hefty fines. One of my peers led the finance department, and the other was in charge of the entire operation. We felt comfortable taking this calculated risk together. They worked for the COO, as did my boss. My boss trusted me to bring her in when needed and since her peers were on board, she never got mired in the details.?

Weeks later, I was called into the office of the COO. It was one of those calls when you dropped everything, but I didn’t anticipate disaster. I walked in, and he was with my two peers and my boss. Everyone was staring at the floor.?

The COO was unsettled, and his anger didn’t escalate. It was full force from the second I walked through the door. When he was triggered, everyone went silent. He was yelling as he asked if I realized that making such a decision on my own could mean immediate termination and that my actions were in breach of the corporate fiscal rules around purchases exceeding a million dollars (oh, I didn’t mention that minor detail). My only thought was that he was mistaken, he had not gotten all of the facts, and my peers must not have gotten the opportunity to fill him in yet. I didn’t make that decision alone. He was convinced that I had gone rogue. It took more than a few moments to realize that they had reconstructed the story and left themselves out of the script. I couldn’t believe it. How could they lie? I didn’t say anything. I don’t know why. I was in shock, and I knew it was two against one, and my boss did not have enough insight on the details to help.?

That was the first time I cried in a business situation. I tried to hide the tears, but they were not optional. Once he felt his message was conveyed, I left the building. I remember crying uncontrollably and trying to hide it from my young girls. I couldn’t stop. My boss called me and simply said, I am sorry. I knew her apology was recognizing that she should have known more to defend me.?

I resigned the following day. My boss did not accept the resignation but said she would accept after the weekend if I still felt it was what I wanted.?

But after the weekend, I decided to stay until I figured out my next career move.?

Just like that, I couldn’t work in that organization anymore. Trust is essential in business.?

No action was taken about the incident. It was never mentioned again.?

When I left a few months later, everyone thought it was for a better opportunity. I couldn’t put it into words back then.?

But what did I learn??

I learned:?

• Recognizing when I am triggered emotionally impedes my ability to react objectively.?
• Always consider the politics around every situation and consider all possible outcomes.?
• You have to trust the people you work with but have compassion for their insecurities and situations. Face difficult situations. In the end, it is worth the initial discomfort.??

As they say, hindsight is 20/20, so I can easily identify these takeaways, not to wish it was different but to pull out where my future self can be more savvy.?

It also helps us to become better coaches for the people? around us because our experience illustrates that it doesn’t always work out as we learned “in business school.”?

Take time to dissect your story. What did you learn, and what can you use to help others so they can benefit from your experience??

It isn’t about the line on the resume. It is about the struggles that give you the right to claim those bullets. But remember, it doesn’t tell the whole story. So be proud of your struggles and share your story, so you look back in a way that benefits your current and future self.?

Struggle inspires growth.