Stronger in the Broken Places

As I headed down the snowy slope, I could see the iced-over launch point from which the other sledding kids were vaulting into the air. I hit the jump at speed, and did the same. Coming down, however, would not be a normal experience. I landed on my left side hard, the wind knocked out of me. I rolled over onto my back, gasping for air. I wasn’t able to lift my left arm off the hard packed snow. My first fear was that another kid would land on me from above.?

An adult who saw me hit yelled “Are you okay?” I was only able to shake my head “No”, and lay on the ice. My arm began to throb painfully. To the hospital we went, where we learned that I had suffered a compound fracture. It could have been much worse but for the watch on my wrist.?

In the years since that accident, I’ve had occasion to have x-rays taken of my arm, and in almost every case, the radiologist says something to the effect of “Broken arm eh? When?”

It’s not that there’s some sign in there with the words “Matt’s Broken Arm, 1996.” He can see on the film how my arm changed and healed. He can’t see the break, but he can see what happened after. Perhaps he can see the calcium from the dozens, if not hundreds of glasses of milk my mother and grandfather urged me to drink that winter and spring. What is visible is the repairs my body made to respond to that trauma.?

We see this in other places as well, outside the human body. Consider any home repairs you’ve done on furniture or structure,?or maybe clothes you’ve repaired. Did your work leave the defect in a better place than before, or even better than when it was new? Were you not satisfied when you did??

This is the core theme of “Stronger in the Broken Places.” Something has happened, and it must be addressed. The sum of those efforts will cause the broken thing to be not only repaired, but fortified, so that it never happens again, or if it does, you’re ready for it.?

I consider this idea in the context of the mistakes I’ve made in my life, personally and professionally. Some were minor, not traumatic enough to cause me to make enough of a change to fully prevent another episode. It’s why I still occasionally stub my toe or leave the house without something important.?

The difficult, hardest mistakes or moments, however, those strip away supportive tissues and force you to respond. My biggest challenges, the hardest things; those demand attention. And so, the therapy and response must be robust and more permanent.?

I look back at those most formative and affecting moments and I am determined to use them for good. That is a wisdom that I haven’t always had, but it has developed as I’ve become….more experienced in the world. I’m grateful for that.?

It wasn’t that easy when I was younger and still finding my way. The hard things were hard, and I wasn’t always able to claw some silver lining or lesson from the moment. Learning to do that was important.?

Adversity is a huge topic. Nearly everyone has faced something difficult. Unemployment, relationships falling apart, physical health, loss of a loved one, etc. The examples can go on and on. We know that adversity forces us to adapt and to grow. This is not a bad thing, but it can be uncomfortable, even painful. The protect my broken arm in the months after my accident, I wore a plaster cast from my fingers to my shoulder. It was heavy, ugly, and uncomfortable. When the cast came off, I had to become adept at using that arm again. All of this was the cost of the injury.?

This idea is nothing new. The Stoics believed that the things you come across in life are neither good nor bad, but what you make them to be. Jocko Willink has an interesting and effective approach out of this: everything is good:

“Mission got canceled? GOOD. You can focus on another one.”?

“Unexpected problems? GOOD. You have the opportunity to figure out a solution.”?

This absolutely reframes your mind and short-circuits the “woe is me” attitude that can take over when something bad happens.?

I have to admit, it’s effective, and it’s a single word that can do it. I will also admit that I’m having mixed results when applying it to my kids

Example:?

Son: “I can’t find my shoes.”

Me: “Good………uhhh…..now you’ll get better at finding them?”

(As I realize we’re going to be late leaving the house.)

Really, I should be saying “GOOD. Now I have an opportunity to teach my kid more about keeping things neat and clean and easy to find.”?

If you’d like to hear Jocko explain this in his words, here’s a video:?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdTMDpizis8

I don’t think this idea is meant to be taken as the opposite of Chicken Little, or an overly optimistic approach. It’s simply a relentless drive to make sure that no bad thing is wasted or allowed to win. It’s a matter of using something difficult for the better. That’s how you can be stronger in the broken places.?

So give it a try. It works on even the small annoyances that pop up over every day. Challenge yourself not to FIND the good in every situation, but to USE the bad.?

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