Be Strong, Nourish Others

I have learned over the years that one of the best ways to feel bad about yourself is to constantly compare yourself to other people.

I don’t know about you, but I do not want to get stuck in a cycle of comparison. I want to be my best self in my work and in my personal life.

I remember my dad being very open about his inadequacies. I remember him telling me how he never excelled at sports or academics. But he never focused on the the things at which he didn’t excel. He moved on from them, and focused on his strengths.

Marcus Buckingham has made a career out of encouraging his readers to play to their strengths. He says we should not only help others find their strengths, but define outcomes that play to those strengths, rank those outcomes, and then let the person perform in the confidence of their strengths.

The idea is that if you can help someone define their strengths, they will not only be more productive but they will also build confidence in who they are as a person.

But is there a way to find out where your strengths lie?

Of course, we could take a test to discover our strengths. They work fine. But throughout my life, I’ve learned a simpler way that works pretty good. I call it “listening to the applause of others.”

What that means is this.

When someone tells you, “Hey Stan, I enjoyed your presentation today. You really have a knack for explaining those marketing concepts.”

That’s someone applauding your work. That’s someone affirming you.

Too often, however, we don’t pay attention to these comments. Maybe it’s because we’re simply unaware of the affirmation. Or maybe it’s that our strengths are so common to us, so self-understood, that we don’t give ourselves credit for the unique gifts we possess.   

By listening to words of affirmation, we can understand where our strengths lie, and begin developing them. Dad received great affirmation from his mother. And she was always in the kitchen creating something.

When I think about Dad’s strengths I see a man with great wisdom and vision, a man with a relentless work ethic. He honed his gifts, and wonderful (and tasty!) things followed.

Here are two things I learned from Dad’s example.

First, everyone’s been gifted in some way. If I remain self-aware, and listen to the affirmation of others, I can discover my gifts, and then hone them. I can ask other people I know and trust to speak into how I can best work on them and apply them in my context.

Second, be the applause for someone you know. Life is too short to keep an encouraging word quiet. If you see someone performing in their sweet spot, tell them. Shower them with verbal applause. And watch that nourishment give life to their gifts.