Striving for Work-Life Harmony: Dispelling the Myth of Work-Life Balance for Working Mothers

Do you know that perfect woman who has everything under control? You know the one that never forgets a meeting, always presents the winning work proposal, climbs the corporate ladder like a soldier at boot camp, never misses her kid's soccer game, helps her children do their homework, exercises three times a week to keep her perfect body in shape, always looks perfectly groomed and has a nutritious home-cooked meal ready for when her husband gets home? If you don't know her, then don't be surprised - the perfect working mother who has cracked the code of work-life balance does not exist!

Work-life balance is a myth. There is no such thing.

So if you feel like you don't have everything under control, sister, you are not alone. None of us do. We all feel like we are just winging it while others seem to know something we don't.

Do you feel like you keep thinking of your home to-do list while you're at work and then think of work while you are at home? That's because we know that we aren't achieving the work-life balance that we are supposed to be striving toward.

The concept of work-life balance is the theory that working parents can learn to manage their time and energy to achieve the perfect equilibrium between the demands of work and personal life.

The reality is that our lives are dynamic and multifaceted with priorities and responsibilities often shifting in response to changing circumstances. Some days work will be more demanding and you might have to work overtime or take some home. Sometimes your home life might be more demanding when you have to stay home with a sick child or attend a school meeting. Life is a messy experience of demands pulling you one way or the other.

In chasing work-life balance - we experience guilt, stress, and burnout (Barnett & Hyde, 2001). Firstly, we put tremendous pressure on ourselves to strive toward this impossible standard. Secondly, no working mother escapes the motherhood penalty. This is when we experience additional pressure and unique challenges in the workplace when we have children. These include lower pay, fewer opportunities for career advancement, and increased criticism of our work performance (Correll et al., 2007). This workplace penalty is driven by cultural stereotypes related to work and parenthood. It can be found in all countries and all companies, even those run predominantly by women. It doesn't matter how large the company is, how well-educated the woman or whether or not she is the sole breadwinner at home - every working mother is vulnerable to this bias (Berger, 2023).

So what can we do?

1. Let go of the unachievable expectation.

Instead of chasing the elusive idea of having the perfect balance between our personal and professional lives, we need to embrace the fact that instead of reaching for equilibrium, we should rather strive for harmony. Imagine yourself surfing the waves, sometimes they go up, sometimes they go down, sometimes you fall off the board, and sometimes you need to swim for shore. Sometimes your work will be demanding and need your attention, at other times your home life will be more demanding and need your attention. Accept it.

2. Establish clear boundaries.

Set boundaries between work and personal life to prevent overlap and ensure adequate time for rest. Communicate those boundaries with your family and with your employer. Remember that we teach people how to treat us. So if you allow anyone to break your boundary, you are communicating that it is ok for them to disregard what you want. For example: I don't take work calls after hours or on the weekends. It took a while for me to ignore the phone ringing before my colleagues realized how serious I was about my boundary - but it has never been crossed since.

3. Prioritize self-care

I know that this one is easier said than done. But if you don't look after yourself, then you won't be able to have the energy, patience, or emotional stability to give of yourself fully whether you are at home or work. Taking care of yourself is not selfish - it is vital. Self-care could be exercise, meeting with friends, reading a book, or doing whatever you need to recharge your batteries and rejuvenate your body and mind.

One of my favorite self-care tips is: when you are at work - be there 100%. Try not to think about home or anything else. Be fully present at work. When you are home - be there 100%. Try to leave work at work. It will still be there the next day. Give 100% of your time and attention to your family and home.

4. Delegate and outsource.

You aren't a superhero. You can't do everything by yourself. So delegate tasks both at home and at work to alleviate the burden of responsibility. Let your partner and children help with the chores. Delegate work tasks to your colleagues or team members.

5. Negotiate flexible work arrangements.

Thanks to the recent pandemic, there are now many people working from home or hybrid. Advocate for flexible work arrangements with your employer. Tell them when you need an afternoon or morning away from the office for other commitments and ensure them that you will get your work done in time. You can fulfill all your professional obligations, even if you take an hour off to watch a soccer game or attend a school awards ceremony.

6. Build a support network.

Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends, family members, colleagues, and mentors who understand and empathize with your experiences as a working mother. Lean on this network for encouragement, advice, and practical assistance when needed.

There is nothing wrong with asking for help. It takes courage to ask for help when you feel overwhelmed.

As working mothers, it's time to dispel the myth of work-life balance and embrace the concept of work-life harmony. By acknowledging the fluidity and integration of our professional and personal lives, we can alleviate the pressure to achieve perfection and instead focus on achieving fulfillment and balance in all areas.

References

• Barnett, R. C., & Hyde, J. S. (2001). Women, men, work, and family: An expansionist theory. American Psychologist, 56(10), 781–796.
• Correll, S. J., Benard, S., & Paik, I. (2007). Getting a job: Is there a motherhood penalty? American Journal of Sociology, 112(5),1297–1339.
• Burger, Chloe (2023). Not a single woman can escape the ‘motherhood penalty’—even breadwinners, new study finds. Yahoo! Finance. https://finance.yahoo.com/news/not-single-woman-escape-motherhood-182000431.html?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAALzG4J-Bhc5-6VzlHxNHsg8jx3ffu4uGeuVZ_N1wXULMfsAL7gjxk_1U7EP5XUnjjL1QpuarZGNe203qy-jZcFKic_VnYc8hKVxpzw-zrRJmOQwVEj2-nR9Dxlajxs-ub7ODaUwLRzeC9c7z2ArNDHd5bfEtGk8hCf7uOhV4Opoz Accessed 19 February 2024.