Striving in an ecosystem of MINDs

Living a life within a giant ecosystem of minds including ours would way more easier if we all had our user manuals, right? ??

We're all living within communities, together with others, in different roles but always in continuous interaction. One of the maybe most challenging piece of this interaction is being in the need of convincing others. Whether as a parent to your child, or as a sales person to your client, or as a politician to your community, or as an entrepreneur to the investors... We all need to tell a story to get the buy in of the person in front of us in different settings.

With the acknowledgement that our brains are very complicated and self-awareness is already challenging enough, can you imagine how difficult it's to understand and decode others ??

?????? ?????????????????????? ???????? by neuroscientist ???????? ???????????? approaches this topic starting from the evolvement of human brain and through science angle to keep a bit more light on our way to be more successful in convincing others.

It starts with a very valid question: ?????????? ???? ???????????????????????? ?????? ???????????????? ???????????? ???? ???????? ???????????????? ???????? ?? ???????????? ?????????????????????????? ??????????????, ?? ???????????? ???????????? ???????????????? ?????? ?????????????? ???? ?????????????? ?? ?????????? ??????????????. ?????????? ?? ???????????????????? ?????????? ?????? ???????????? ???????????? ?????? ???????? ???????????? ???????? ???????? ???? ?????????? ???? ??????????????, ?????? ????????????????, ?????? ???????????????? ?????? ???????????????? - ?????? ???????? ???????????????????? ?????????? - ???????????? ?????? ???????????? ???? ???????????? ???? ??????. ?????? ???????

There're some basic assumptions that we expect to be useful in convincing others. First one if ???????? - yes, this sometimes work but if you're trying to block the person in doing something rather than to activate them or if the person is already in an anxious mode. Second one is ???????? - yes, this also works to bring facts on the table but not strong enough to change beliefs or to activate people.

So what should we know about the science and psychology of first understanding and then convincing others?

? ??????????????: If the information/data we receive is inline with our current beliefs, then we intend to accept them. In the opposite case, our first reactions are more towards judgement and holding stronger on our beliefs, and even towards polarization. Confirmation bias is one of the strongest bias of our brains which guides us towards searching for supporting data and similarities rather than facts.

?? If we want to change beliefs; focus on creating a new belief rather than spoiling the existing one. Understand the current beliefs and the reasons behind. and focus on common motivations.

? ????????????????: Emotions are our most fundamental and basic reactions. They've a strong power on influencing behaviors. Sharing same emotions happens way easier and quicker than sharing same opinions. This's because we're continuously in an emotional transfer mood and synchronization with others around us via mimicking each other or reacting to triggers.

?? The strongest way of communication is sharing the emotions. If we express our feelings, we can have the opportunity to influence the others' emotional moods and enable them to see the things from our perspective.

? ????????????????????: If we need someone to do or not to do something, then we've two possible offers: carrot or a stick. Based on psychological principles it has been proven that positive feedback are much more effective than warning or threatening. Especially if we need to activate a behavior, then instant rewards are more powerful than future punishments.

?? Natural intention of people is to approach joy/pleasure and to avoid pain. So if we want a reward, we act towards that whereas if we're avoiding a loss/pain, we stay inert. This means if we want to activate people towards a certain direction/behavior, we better offer a reward/prize to motivate them instead of threatening or scaring them about what happens if they don't act.

? ????????????????????: People like and want to be in the control even they don't accept this always. We're more motivated when we've chance to choose. This is always perceived as a reward even if our choice is not changing the conclusion. And the good news is it's enough just to create the "perception" of control even if it's just a fiction.

?? If we want to orient people towards an end goal, we should rather give them the feeling of control/decision power than to command/order. Maybe more importantly, we need to empower and enable them to self-actualize so that they stay motivated and willing to take steps.

? ??????????????????: Not knowing is an uncomfortable state of mind. Thus we immediately want to learn when we're told that we don't know something. But this's not the whole story. Our willingness to learn something depends on some criteria. First is about the benefit of knowing; if no benefit then not enough trigger to learn it. Second is about the impact of knowing on our emotions; if knowing comes with disappointment/pain then we stay in the unknowing space. We are in the search of knowing things that makes us feel better.

?? If the information we're offering is filling a gap, then we should focus on emphasizing these gaps. If it's helping to improve something, then we should focus on how it'll help to improve. And we should always try to phrase our messages in a way to resonate positivity/hope rather than fear/anxiety.

? ????????: Our state of mood has a huge impact on how we hear and grasp things we hear. When we feel under stress or threat, then we intend to see the negatives and avoid risks or unknowns. On the other hand when we feel safe and happy, then we become more positive, hopeful, optimistic and be more risk-navy.

?? When in communication, we should be aware and mindful about the moods of others. We need to keep in mind that how they may react to an information may not be only related with the information itself but rather how they're feeling at that moment in time. Acknowledging these would help us to decide when and where to deliver our message and also to curate our message itself in a way that mood is not the primary factor of others' reactions.

? ????????????: We're social beings. Our main learning source is from others - starting from our babyhood. This means we're impacting each others' decisions, feelings, reactions. This comes with the pitfall that good for one may not be the good for others where influence is strong. And our ability to "put our self in the shoes of others" namely empathy could be tricky to navigate in this process. Unanimity, popularity, power can be quite impactful on how people decide, react and choose,

?? It's important and helpful to be aware of others' decisions, preferences and actions. But we still need to be very mindful when taking these as a reference/ guide. At the same time we also need to be mindful about our actions and choices as they also have an impact on others. When we're asking for a decision or getting the buy-in from others, we should try to neutralize the impact of the influence from each other and unanimity without real belief as much as we can.

It could be easier for some people than others but we can all influence and convince others via penetrating to their brains (and hearts) with our - verbal and nonverbal - communication, our actions and our behaviors. The key for excelling on this skill we need to know how our brain works and how to use/utilize the key elements mentioned above in the right way to serve our purpose.

The real beginning of influence comes as others sense you are being influenced by them ― when they feel understood by you ― that you have listened deeply and sincerely, and that you are open. – Stephen R. Covey