Stressed? You Need to Hear this Today!

Hi Friends,?

Is anyone NOT stressed out these days???

Attempted assassinations, crazy weather patterns, global unrest. The only way around that is to turn off the news.??

But then there’s the workplace stress, family stuff, vacation dynamics, inflation. And there’s just no way around that! It’s your life!??

The question is, how do you respond under stress????

Do women and men respond differently???

Read on for some “new news” as the Kelce brothers say on their podcast—and some totally bi-partisan food for thought.??

And as always, leave a comment or send me a message to let me know you’re reading along or to say hi. THAT would reduce my stress for sure and put a smile on my face.?

The “Now What?” Scenario: Change hits! With that, stress surges. Has anyone noticed that these are stressful times in general?? How do you typically respond??

Well, you’re likely familiar with the two physiological automatic responses to stress--fight or flight. In fight, we behave aggressively or assertively. We move toward the conflict. In flight, we move away from it—we flee or withdraw from the situation, physically or emotionally.??

But neither may be your go-to. There’s more to consider…?

Did you know women, typically report higher workplace stress than men?? Women often carry a disproportionate amount of stress juggling their work life, dealing with the duties of parenting, and caring for elderly parents. They also deal with workplace inequities that still exist from pay gaps, glass ceilings, pregnancy bias, sexual harassment, and more. I’m not suggesting men don’t deal with stress too, but as a woman, I want you to know you are seen. If you are a man, we want to help you with some new insights.??

Women tend to have a different and more recently talked-about stress response.??

It's called Tend and Befriend.??

Thinking back (many moons ago) about my life where I was juggling a corporate leadership role and first-time mom stress, I started what I called a Parents Network in our organization. It was a place where other parents could come over their lunch hour to share tips, stresses, get support, and even hear guest speakers on parenting topics. While I didn’t realize it then, in my stressed-out state, I was tending and befriending.??

Tending involves caring for others during stressful times. Befriending involves engaging a social network or community for help in responding to stress.??

How can you do more tending and befriending to manage your stress????

Why not consider these no matter your gender:??

1. Acknowledge tending and befriending as a valid coping mechanism.??
2. Assess who’s on your Dream Team, Kitchen Cabinet, or Personal Board of Directors (whatever you call that group you can get to rally around you during times of stress). We can all benefit from expanding our group of advisors and trusted friends to talk with during stressful times. It requires an investment of time and energy, but the benefits of helping you to manage stress are a huge payoff.??
3. Do “check-ins” that allow your team or others to share their professional and personal stress level (scale of 1-10). Provide space and psychological safety for authenticity. Research conducted at Google suggests norms that support psychological safety—our ability to bring our whole person to work to be understood, not just for what we do, but for who we are—are key to performance.??
4. Start or find a group to join at work or outside of work that meets the needs in some stress area you’re experiencing in the workplace or life space. Create a space where members take care of each other with support, strategies, and sharing. It’s shown to reduce cardiovascular and neuroendocrine stress responses and physiological distress.??

I’m definitely a tend and befriender. In fact, it seems I’m repeating my past. Here’s how I’m trying to ease the stress of women in leadership roles.??

If you or a woman leader on your team could use a dose of stress reduction and some tending and befriending, my colleague, Jessica McCoppin Malachi, and I are hosting what we call a COMING TOGETHER Women’s Leadership Experience and Retreat on September 7. It’s being held in-person in West Chester, PA. It’s a day of Pause and Pause-Ability. A place to shake off some stress, share with other like-minded kick-ass women leaders, up-level some skills, get some new insights about your leadership tendencies, and have some fun too.??

Here's the link for sign-ups. Early bird rates end July 31 so grab a limited seat now!??

In the meantime, be attentive to yourself and others. Do you lean toward fight, flight, tending or befriending????

To learn more, consider checking into these incredible stress management resources as well:??

• My latest creation, The 5 FROGS Transformation Journal--a guided journal for processing change, challenges, and stresses: https://www.amazon.com/FROGS-Transformation-Journal-Brenda-Reynolds/dp/0999226878/ref=sr_1_1?

• Deeper Dive Article: Tend-and-befriend: The relationship hack to better manage stress - Big Think?

• TED Talk: How to Make Stress Your Friend https://youtu.be/RcGyVTAoXEU?

WHY NOT?! Take Action:??

The next time stress shows up, your heart pounds, you sweat profusely, and doubt floods your system, resist the urge to suppress it!??

Instead, acknowledge and accept the stress, but tell yourself you’ll prevail (eventually). The one thing you can control is how you think about your ability to handle it. Change a threat response (oh no! run) to a challenge-response (I’m gonna kick ass no matter how stressed I feel). Imagine your symptoms are simply your body preparing to meet a challenge.???

After all, you’ve handled PLENTY of stress before. Reminding yourself of this will transform your mindset and get your brain and body ready to do what it needs to!??

One of my client groups took their stressful business situation (look what’s happening to us) and converted it to a mantra about “Owning It” and stepping into their power in the midst of stressful times.??

This message is my way of tending to you—I’ve always got you!??

Your companion in stress-

Brenda??